Primitive fishing for suckers

[USA4ME]

Buddha_of_Wisdom

I'm trying to start a business. I have no equity I can call my own except for a financed car.

I need at least $500,000 to $650,000. I want to start a self-serve frozen yogurt franchise. I need to find an investor or people that are willing to take a chance with me. Do I write a prospectus, with an introduction about myself and my explanation on why I am leaving the IT industry to jump in the retail frozen yogurt business? There is a great need for one near where I live, so I want to get started on this project.

I need input, so I'm going to write the best damn introduction letter as to why I'm doing this.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10023925625

The only members on Skin's island who has that kind of money are moles, and they aren't interested.

And the libs are used to begging for freebies, not financing.

You're on the wrong board for what you want, primitive.

.

[Ralph Wiggum]

I need at least $500,000 to $650,000.

Wishadoo???

[Big Dog]

Self-serve frozen yogurt?

The DUmmy's prospectus must be a doozy.

"I want half a million dollars to build a franchise where customers can get as much frozen yogurt as they want for one price. I have no experience, no equity of my own, and will put up none of my own money."

[USA4ME]

"I want half a million dollars to build a franchise where customers can get as much frozen yogurt as they want for one price. I have no experience, no equity of my own, and will put up none of my own money. Bush is Hitler."

Just needed that little extra punch.

.

[Big Dog]

A little truth in advertising is in order:

Buddha_of_Wisdom

I'm trying to start a business. I have no equity I can call my own except for a financed car (buy here, pay here)

I need to find an investor or people that are willing to take a chance with me.

What is your projected return on investment, DUmmy? That is what investors want to know.

[Big Dog]

Just needed that little extra punch.

 

How could I forget?

[Ralph Wiggum]

greytdemocrat (1,856 posts)
19. Hmmm

You want to start a bidness and need big $$$ and
you came here??? You're already dooooooooooooooomed.

 

[Freeper]

Wishadoo???

We have those here, they weigh your cup and charge by the ounce.

Oops meant to quote big dog not Ralph. I blame the ipad.

[ScubaGuy]

The DUmmie needs to be sure that in the prospectus he tells the investors that he'll pay full healthcare, pension, childcare, education benefits, 4 weeks paid vacation and a 'living' wage to all employees.

That will be sure to attract them. 

[Carl]

Giving a half a million dollars to a person without a nickel to his name to sell 4.00/ea cups of frozen yogurt...what could possibly go wrong with that investment? 

[Freeper]

Giving a half a million dollars to a person without a nickel to his name to sell 4.00/ea cups of frozen yogurt...what could possibly go wrong with that investment? 

Luckily he is asking at a site where the very few who have two nickels to rub together won't part with them.

[Bad Dog]

Absolutely perfect DUmmie business plan.  This cries out for govt. funding.

[BattleHymn]

This is the same shit my moonbat stepfather-in-law pulls each time we go to visit.  Change a couple of the details around, and it would be a dead ringer for one of his stupid ideas.   

Naturally, he has no money to ever throw towards an idea, but he sure is proactive in suggesting spousal unit and I could invest in it.

[Freeper]

Absolutely perfect DUmmie business plan.  This cries out for govt. funding.

Too small to fail.

[Big Dog]

We have those here, they weigh your cup and charge by the ounce.

Well done, DUmmy buddha. You re-invented the hospital cafeteria.

I figure the  entrepreneur DUmmy's plan is to provide yogurt to the proletariat masses "according to their need" and get paid "according to their ability", allow the local Occutards to bathe in his toilets, and give away his condiments and napkins to Amber's Hobo Army. If he follows the business plan of a certain pie-shop DUmmy, he will also give free yogurt to well-paid government employees.

[BattleHymn]

If he follows the business plan of a certain pie-shop DUmmy, he will also give free yogurt to well-paid government employees.

Speaking of the grasswipe primitive, I wish she would post something worth rowing back over here.  I have this funny cartoon that reminded me of her, and I haven't been able to post it yet. 

[Bad Dog]

Speaking of the grasswipe primitive, I wish she would post something worth rowing back over here.  I have this funny cartoon that reminded me of her, and I haven't been able to post it yet. 

Well, since she has been officially mentioned here, please feel free.

[BattleHymn]

Well, since she has been officially mentioned here, please feel free.

I really hate to waste it here, but I'll go ahead and do it, in hopes that grasswipe will nadin her name, and this thread will pop up. 

With her viking heritage, I'm sure she'll understand:

[BannedFromDU]

     Asking liberals about business plans is like asking rsmithnumbers about cover letters for a resume.

     As someone who knows a little, let me assure you lurkers than anyone looking for 500 large to start a business where the average ticket is $4 IS OUT OF THEIR LIVER SNAPPIN' MIND.

     Holy PISS. $500K?

     Let's assume that a HIGH END lease of 500sf or so runs $3000/mo. That's a SILLY rate, but I'm trying to make a point. Assume further that soft serve yogurt equipment can be leased at $300/mo per
     twist, so 10 twists is, say, $2500/mo (again, way high, but stay with me). Now figure labor, utilities, insurance, COGS, and so on at $3000/mo. That's approaching a $10k/mo nut, which puts the
     DUmmy's costs alone at $120,000/year. And those are very high numbers.

     So where does $500K come in? An idiot would laugh that number out of the office, let alone a banker.

     Stick to grifting from the government, DUmmy.


 

[Bad Dog]

     Asking liberals about business plans is like asking rsmithnumbers about cover letters for a resume.

     As someone who knows a little, let me assure you lurkers than anyone looking for 500 large to start a business where the average ticket is $4 IS OUT OF THEIR LIVER SNAPPIN' MIND.

     Holy PISS. $500K?

     Let's assume that a HIGH END lease of 500sf or so runs $3000/mo. That's a SILLY rate, but I'm trying to make a point. Assume further that soft serve yogurt equipment can be leased at $300/mo per
     twist, so 10 twists is, say, $2500/mo (again, way high, but stay with me). Now figure labor, utilities, insurance, COGS, and so on at $3000/mo. That's approaching a $10k/mo nut, which puts the
     DUmmy's costs alone at $120,000/year. And those are very high numbers.

     So where does $500K come in? An idiot would laugh that number out of the office, let alone a banker.

     Stick to grifting from the government, DUmmy.


 

I think the $500K is for the franchiser.  He's gonna pay for all that other stuff out of the massive profits.

[BannedFromDU]

I think the $500K is for the franchiser.  He's gonna pay for all that other stuff out of the massive profits.

    A fortiori. $500K for a franchise fee? From who, the Russian Mafia?

    Anyway, a franchiser won't even consider you unless you have a huge amount of personal wealth, anyway, and it can't come from your rich uncle. The DUmmy is screwed. Too bad it isn't 1975 - they could do better
walking around looking for empty bottles to turn in for the deposit.

[USA4ME]

greytdemocrat

19. Hmmm

You want to start a bidness and need big $$$ and
you came here??? You're already dooooooooooooooomed.

Buddha_of_Wisdom

34. Brainstorming...

That's why I asked for input. Not criticism.

You want brainstorming!?! At DU!?!

Forget about it. All the primitives combined couldn't come up with a decent brain drizzle.

.

[USA4ME]

Buddha_of_Wisdom

35. I have contacted the person I need to talk to at Small Business Development Council and still waiting to hear back from *SOMEBODY* to answer my inquiry on getting funding.

I'll sell 49% of my ownership for 600k.

I'd love to see this idiot go on Sharktank.

.

[Bad Dog]

This idiot makes Amber seem somewhat rational.

[Carl]

leftstreet (25,107 posts)
1. You have, uh, studied the need for this in your area?

Actually for the DUmp not a stupid response.

Wait for it...

Buddha_of_Wisdom
5. Yep. I have.

Interestingly enough, around the radius of about 3 miles, there is as follows:

A Dairy Queen
Boom Yogurt (self serve, but focused on health woo, Muscle Milk garbage, and limited to only 12 flavors)
Pinkberry (which is not self serve, and limited to 4 flavors)
An actual ice cream store called Bonnie Brae Ice Cream - been there 25 years, wonderful place to get good homemade ice cream
A self-serve overpriced (52 cents!) and poorly mixed frozen yogurt place in Cherry Creek Mall called Cherry on Top
A pretty good self-serve frozen yogurt store called Yogurt Guru, but parking is really REALLY bad.
Menchies - a chain of frozen yogurts that is often poorly mixed and tastes like crap. Probably two in my radius

There are a few local chain frozen yogurt stores but they are a little further out of my radius. One particular one we often go to is called Yogurtland. It's very good, and this is where we got the idea of setting up a new one in that location.

I have spent time and research on locating a franchise that'll work here in Denver, and I have found one, and have met with the CEO himself in New Jersey, and we felt the market and location I had in mind was just right for a new franchise. He said often the capital raising is the hardest part.