I've lost my best friend, and it's because of Trump

[dutch508]

Star Member Poiuyt (15,649 posts)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100215396244

I've lost my best friend, and it's because of Trump

I have a friend that I've known my entire life. We've always been politically and religiously opposed, but we've accepted that and had an understanding to avoid those topics when we're together. When Trump came onto the scene, my friend embraced him wholeheartedly and enthusiastically joined the cult. While still polite to me personally, he didn't shy away from belligerent and offensive statements when other conservatives were present. He has revealed himself to be a true fascist.

Over the past year, I avoided him because of Covid. I knew he considered wearing a mask was beneath him, and now he refuses to get a vaccine. When asked, he'd say "Why should I?" It's almost like he's looking down his nose at me because I am vaccinated. This attitude disgusts me.

I miss the insightful conversations we used to have over a glass of whiskey. He is extremely funny and intelligent. But do I want to be friends with someone who fully embraces someone like Trump? I've seen him a couple of times in the last month when we can meet outside (I won't go into their house), and the conversations were very strained. I'm putting most of the blame for this on me because I don't know what to say to a person whose values are so different from mine.

Thanks for letting me rant. I am truly conflicted about what to do here. Do any of you have friends who are Trumpists? How do you deal with a friend when you know there's an ugliness deep inside them?

Yes... your friend is the problem...

 

Star Member drray23 (5,678 posts)

2. I sympathise. My wife and I had the same experience with a couple we had know for a long time. We went to their house for dinner (that was pre-covid, during the Trump regime) and were floored to discover they were unabashed Trumpers, pretty much bigoted, xenophobic. She has a PhD in psychology, he was a former air force and commercial airline pilot. Both very educated. Yet they had swallowed the whole Trump cult nonsense whole.
We no longer see them. Life is too short to have to deal with this. Maybe after Trump dies, they will slowly get back to their senses. Who knows.

 

Star Member cilla4progress (16,200 posts)

4. As I bet others here have as well -

I've spent HOURS struggling with this!

You nailed it when you said it's about basic values, and ethics, I would add. Not to mention they are batshit cray. What are they capable of?

It's not like the old days where the differences between Rs and Ds were far more broachable - within normal range.

I've managed to maintain superficial relationships, while strictly avoiding any discussion of politics, with these friends.

I also find myself more actively seeking out relationships with those who share my views.

It is what it is, as they say.

Star Member doc03 (27,530 posts)

5. I have become more of a loner since most everyone is a Trump supporter. You can't even talk about fishing, sports or anything without them turning it to politics.
So I just avoid everyone as much as I can.

 

Star Member USAFRetired_Liberal (3,525 posts)

20. Yeah I noticed that, too

You can't even talk about fishing, sports or anything without them turning it to politics.


Yep, no matter what the outing or topic of conversation it always became political when I was around those types....you could be fishing like you said, everyone would have trouble catching anything....then all of a sudden someone would say “this is all Obama’s fault because of _____.”.....and I would be like what the **** does Obama have to do with this.

 

Star Member LastLiberal in PalmSprings (11,317 posts)

47. Remaining silent and looking at them with pity is another approach.

Sighing and nodding your head sympathetically also works. At least it does with my SIL.

The important thing is not to engage them. They will never change their mind, even if T***** does. Look at their reaction to Fat Donnie finally getting a vaccine and suggesting that others do the same. Nothing changed. They're still operating from the "COVID is a Democratic hoax," meme.

"Never try to teach a pig to sing—it wastes your time and annoys the pig." Robert Heinlein, "The Notebooks of Lazarus Long"

Star Member Paladin (23,094 posts)

7. You're well-rid of your "friend."

And lose the "I'm putting most of the blame for this on me" attitude. trump lunatics are not entitled to such deflections.

BlueNProud (907 posts)

8. Move on. Your ex friend will excuse any behavior even murder.

Star Member Frustratedlady (15,282 posts)

10. I can't be around so-called friends or family who are Trump Humpers.

I have a sister who I talked to a few months ago...for the last time, I might add. If she happens to call me, I'll talk to her about family, but I will never speak to her again about Trump or the Republican party. I have lost what little respect I have for the party and their members who insist on following him. I live by the suggestion that if you can't say anything nice, change the subject.

I have a new neighbor from Utah who is moving in and I pray they are not Trumpers/Republicans. Right now, I would not be the least bit friendly and that goes against my grain. I no longer have the tolerance to put up with people who lie and I don't want to play silly games of pretending to be tolerant. As with my sister, I will keep my distance if I have to rather than give the impression I believe what she has to say. If you are so weak you accept the lies of Trump and his followers, I can't waste my time with you. Simple as that.

magicarpet (10,584 posts)

11. Don't cast all the blame on trDUMP,....

... you stated your friend is a full blown fascist. Yes trDUMP is also a fascist.

Myself,... I refuse to befriend fascists,.. primarily because I fear if I do I give them a vote of confidence that being a fascist is okay.

Fascism is detestable and horrible thing and I position myself as far away from it as I possibly can.

You do you and be true to yourself - but anyone who worships the ground that trDUMP walks on like he was a messiah or something is not someone I particularly want as a friend or seek to buddy buddy up to.

Star Member moonscape (3,379 posts)

13. I empathize as I went through nearly

identical with a very good friend of 45 years. We were at university together, both moved to Manhattan, vacationed in Paris, stayed in regular touch after I left NYC and was there for me when I got cancer. Then, Trump.

He is a retired attorney, gay, been on a cocktail for HIV since the late 80’s, and I could never understand his conservatism but accepted it and our friendship endured with the agreement we would back off political discussions.

I don’t understand how someone intelligent could fall for Trump but it revealed things about him I could not get past. In the end I cut off communication, thanked him for his friendship all these years, the wonderful memories, but that I was unable to continue and wished him everything good in life. Asked him not to call or write but he did (an unpleasant response) so I blocked his email addresses and did not have to see any further he might have sent.

It’s very sad thinking of all the interpersonal damage among close friends and families that went on the last 4 years and continues. Very sorry you are in this club.

 

Downtown Hound (12,449 posts)

15. Same.

The difference between you and me is, I refuse to blame myself. I blame my friend. Why? You said it yourself, my friend is a fascist. There's no beating around that bush, Trump is a fascist. If you support Trump, you support fascism. And that makes you a fascist.

I've known this friend since junior high school. He was always a bit of a bone head, but he was a loveable bone head. We pounded quite a few beers in our 20's, smoked quite a few bowls, worked out at the gym, did a whole bunch of stuff together. But the loveable bone head turned into a violent, gun-humping bigot when Trump hit the scene, and I refuse to be a part of that in any way. I refuse to support fascism in any way.


Our friendship finally ended when he started mocking trans people on facebook and I called him a "Trump toe sucking , fascist ass-licking lapdog." He did not take kindly to that, and we haven't spoken since. If that makes me guilty of "liberal intolerance" as my friend and many conservatives like to say, then I'm guilty. And guess what? I'm ****ing damn proud of it. If only more Germans had done the same in the 1930's, a great tragedy could have been avoided. Life is too short to spend it with people who don't reflect your values.

 

Star Member pandr32 (7,475 posts)

16. The disconnect from reality is too hard to deal with

If it were a learning or mental disability it would be easier to accept and cope with.

The point is that it is something more--a total brainwashing because of biases that already were there.

The added layers of fabricated disinformation (through so many routes) transported them into another place, but sometimes they are still right there in front of us saying the sky is green and water is dry.

We are cut off at the knees with these people. They are supporting overthrowing our democracy, separating families, killing of Black people by police and halting their voices in every way they can, stripping women of their rights and any hope of equality, treating LGBTQ people as monsters, fascism, dictators, ending secularism and diversity, and on and on.

We have to accept that we can't reach them and continue on. Perhaps one day through some personal revelation or experience they will see they've been had and be open to joining the rest of us again, and perhaps not.

 

Star Member Wingus Dingus (3,823 posts)

18. I have some family members on my husband's side who are trump humpers. I don't speak to them or deal with them. One of them revealed her trump stupidity recently to other family members, which comes as a real disappointment to my husband and me. Always thought she was a nice lady, but now I know she's only nice to her small select "tribe" of family/fellow churchgoers/trumpy white people etc. Just because someone is selectively decent and kind to YOU, individually, doesn't mean that person is decent and kind--a lesson I've absorbed.

Since 2008 and Obama, a lot has been revealed about family and acquaintances that I formerly thought of as "good people". Racism, anti-immigrant sentiment, selfishness, maskholery, anti-vaxx nuttery, religious insanity, and just general assholery have bubbled up into view, mostly thanks to forwarded email jokes and facebook. Trump liberated them from having to hide it, or at least from feeling shame about it. I guess I'm glad to know it, so I can cut off contact.

 

DemUnleashed (255 posts)

21. It's heartbreaking!

I have republican friends who in my eyes may as well be Qanon followers. I don't think they are but, to me, there is no difference. If you still support Trump at this point, in my eyes, you are crazy Qanon!

I am going to try and keep a couple of good republican friends of mine by seeing them outdoors only without talking politics. Another republican friend, I have no interest in keeping friends with. She still supports trump and it isn't worth it to me to keep my friendship with her...she's too Trumpian for me

Star Member GaYellowDawg (4,271 posts)

24. I know how you feel.

I've apparently lost a 30 year friend because I was overjoyed that Trump got turned out of office. After our last conversation in January, I got sent to voicemail a few times in a row and then decided to see if he'd ever call me. Nope. I put a lot of work into keeping contact with him over the decades and it's heartbreaking, especially as I get along very well with his wife and stepchildren. But if Trump is more important to him than I am, then there's nothing I can do about it except let him go.

 

Star Member EmeraldCoaster (68 posts)

27. I abuse them verbally and with text.

I tell them they are in a cult and need deprograming. They get mad I tell them they are batshit crazy, but I am here to help them. I say I am brow beating you the way I would want you to me if I was in a cult.

 

Star Member Delmette2.0 (2,785 posts)

28. I lost two friends.

One I knew for almost 25 years. Just before the2017 inauguration we were at a local concert. As usual she asked me how have I been? I answered that son e the election I have been sick to my stomach.
She said nothing, just turned away. And we were done.

My other friend was never very social. But I would call her about once a month and we would have a glass of wine. We could talk for 3 hours and she said she always had a good time. Just after the Covid ramped up late March I decided to wait for her to call. She never has.

Now I consider it a relief to have them out of my life.

Star Member kimbutgar (15,383 posts)

30. I lost two of my long time girl friends I've known 30+ years because of mf45

And I have another friend who lives in Missouri that I’m afraid to call because i don’t want to find out if she’s a MF45 supporter.

That is the one awful thing about MF45 and the right wing media, now they have divided family and friends. It is so awful and the slogan divide and conquer will be the downfall of the USA. China doesn’t divide its citizens and they will overtake us as the world’s leaders because Americans can no longer think for themselves that have to be told how to think.

Star Member DFW (42,479 posts)

35. I know people like that

I do not consider them friends.

I have had people who were friends evolve into people like the one you describe. They are friends no longer. Friends are people who can count on me in times of peril, and on whom I can count on in times of peril. It works both ways. The trust must be there. If it's not, then friendship just isn't part of the equation. An inner ugliness is a wall that friendship, for me, at least, has never been able to penetrate.

Star Member Trueblue1968 (13,711 posts)

39. i've just about lost my sister, niece and 3 nephews. SAME REASON AS YOU LOST YOUR FRIEND

Star Member caraher (5,938 posts)

40. It's been more with family for us

My sister-in-law, across the country, is a Trumper and anti-vaxxer. We were discussing possibly seeing our 16-year-old niece in late June when she comes out this way, but she is not vaccinated. When we said we'd love to see her but we'd like her to get vaccinated before spending hours in a tiny car with her, after rubbing elbows with hundreds of strangers in airports, my sister-in-law insisted that vaccination makes people more vulnerable to new variants, and ended with a dramatic declaration about whether or not we ever wanted to see her or her family ever again, "your choice."

kirkuchiyo (279 posts)

46. My mother is a Trumper

I haven't spoken to here in a year and have no intention of ever interacting with here again. She was a horrible person before, this just sealed it.

 

Star Member aggiesal (5,975 posts)

48. I wrote the same thing about 8 months ago ...

The straw that broke the camels back was when my friend shared a facebook posting that was one of the most vile, racists posting I've ever seen.
I called my friend out on it and the response was, that is how my "friend" felt.

I flat out called my former friend a racist.

My threshold is that I'm no longer willing to live with racists attitudes.


You'll have to set whatever threshold you want to determine at what point that threshold is crossed.
You may have already reached/crossed it.
Do not hesitate to drop him as a friend and let him know why.
Maybe he'll realize his attitude and start coming around when he's no longer a Trumpette.

CharlieTuneA1 (1 post)

51. This is just like my family.

This is my first post on the forum. I've been a longtime observer, and mostly like what I see and read here. I have a similar issue with a certain member of my family.

I'm 71, the oldest of 5 siblings, and we all live in the same county. We haven't seen one another since Christmas 2019. My sister, an avowed Trumpster, refuses to wear a mask, or get a vaccine. When I asked her, very nicely, to get vaccinated, so that we can get all together (my brother has advanced pancreatic cancer), she said that she was not a "sheeple," and accused me of being a bully. (I did say please.) I said that she would have to live with the consequences. She said that she would rather lie and say that she got the vaccine, than to actually get it. If we're together, I guess I'll just stay in another part of the room.

This pandemic is a public health matter, but now it seems to have become such a political issue. Are some people just angry because their candidate lost the election? It's just f-ing stupid.

 


 

slumcamper (1,350 posts)

54. What exactly is it about him that brought the vile to the surface of people?

His persona was so clearly toxic to us. Yet, he easily aroused and cultivated the worst aspects of so many others.

The cultish embrace of him by so many speaks poorly of the character of nearly half our nation.

The dogged, rabid adherence to such a loathsome person tells us that they thirsted mightily for such a monster that they might bare their true nature.

Their continued embrace in spite of all that is so bad, and their wholesale rejection of facts and truths speak to an irrational nature and gullibility that can be easily exploited by those with evil designs.

Sorry, but I'm not very confident that we will survive this.

Star Member Bettie (11,096 posts)

59. I have a close friend

well, had. She was not political, until that orange thing.

Now? She voted for him. Twice.

I never asked, but following the last election, she told me. She also expressed how stupid she thinks I was for voting for Biden.

I don't look at her the same way anymore.

I just don't talk to her.

I get it. It is hard.

RVN VET71 (2,028 posts)

60. Just remember that they don't give a crap about you

They lock you out because the Chosen One, ex-President Flubbo is their Way, Truth, and Light. You may feel upset but, trust me, they do not give a flying fornication about you any more than the fundamentalist buttwad who disowns his own child because he or she has come out gay cares about that child.

Cold hearted and super patriotic, they’d attend your lynching if it came to that and share a beer with the unwashed dude standing next to them with his spittle-covered beard.

Seriously. And don’t think to yourself for a second that oh, that’s not Bobby. He’s just confused but he’s a good guy at heart. Because no he isn’t a good guy at heart. His heart is stone and its a stone badge he wears proudly, and screw the man who says anything against it, including you.

The guy who was my Best Man turned up on Facebook a few years ago and we reminisced, shared old jokes, etc. it was cool. Until he started touting hateful -- seriously hateful -- views about muslims who, in his clearly confused mind, he said were all responsible for 9/11 which, he also says out of the other side of his mouth, was actually the result of a conspiracy between George Soros and George W. Bush plus a lot of big-money international jews. Yes, he did say that! I pointed the contradiction out to him and he nit-picked my grammar, deflected, whining about Obama being a "half-negro" [that’s a Fat Asspimple Limbaugh-ism] muslim traitor.

I kept in contact with him because I got a certain bang out of catching him in his many, many logical fallacies and he finally unfriended me. This guy is a PhD, but lacks poetry, as Pope Francis put it: when a person lacks poetry his soul can but limp through life.

And so it goes.

Still, to see a person long befriended turn into a RW animatron before your eyes might leave you bewildered and sad, but, shoot, they’ve chosen the that transformation, embraced it, and walked into the darkness. Willingly and with their *******ed eyes open.

 

Star Member ananda (24,157 posts)

61. I lost an old HS and college friend last week.

She was so afraid of Covid that she didn't go
to doctor for tests, suffered unimaginable
pain and other symptoms, and died of
pancreatic cancer a month after she finally
got diagnosed.

 

Star Member TigressDem (1,501 posts)

74. I've "lost" my son because of TtRUmp.

He is still here, but his mind is full of BS.

Drinking the koolaid, yelling at Biden on the TV.

I try to think where I went wrong... Taught the kid to think for himself, but who knew he'd find it easier to let someone feed him BS on a stick?

He won't believe the election was fair. He thinks CNN made tRump lose by "lying about him" and has a Tic Tok video to prove it.

If he were 8 it would be one thing, but he's 38, has kids and a wife and still lives with me because of how tRump destroyed the country. Yet thinks the orange haired bozo is the only one who can save us.

IF the world were a fair place, I could put him in a rubber room with a jacket where the sleeves tie up in the back.

I just point out the bulldozer size holes in his arguments, tell him to stop yelling at the TV.... if you don't agree with it, turn it OFF.
No one says you HAVE to watch it.

Ready to sell the house just to get him out of my yard.

 

Star Member Celerity (19,379 posts)

79. the few very intelligent Trumper/BNP/SD types I know simply have decided to go full-blown white nationalism. They justify the shitbaggery of Trump and the assorted Brit and Swedish white nationalist vermin as the price to pay needed to 'round up and consolidate' enough of the white voting block to stave off a diminution and destruction (their exact framing) of the modern 'white European culture and zeitgeist-generated nation state'.

Had an American female (have known her since I was 14 in an online game (Second Life), who is a California uni history professor (pretty much verified via mutual acquaintances, terrifyingly, although I do not know which one nor her real name) call Trump a dirty, chaotic, but extremely effective magnet which which to attract a critical mass of whites to 'keep America Western at its core of control'.

She was very open (with me, never in groups, and outright denies this when I have called her out in front of other RWers who ARE of the rube category) in her contempt for many of the MAGAts and their rube ways, but says they are useful idiots, tools need for the 'cause'.

She no longer talks to me. I tried to IM her about Trump losing (the last time we talked was early 2020) and discovered she had blocked me, plus I VERY rarely log into that game anymore anyway. She always said I was the exception (as I am multiracial and extremely educated) that proved the rule, as I (her words) 'was forged in the crucible of British upper class culture and education, but i am so rare in that regard'. I went bonkers when she said that, we had a huge row, and I stopped talking to her for over a year (this was mid 2017 to late 2018, around a month before the US mid-terms). She is in her late 50's, and utterly, immutably, set in her life's outlook. She is an extremely gifted orator, with a vast historical toolbox of knowledge, and is incredibly charismatic, despite the monster inside. Thank **** she herself is an extreme exception in terms of the typical MAGAt.

 

Star Member AKwannabe (4,254 posts)

81. My former boyfriend of over two years

Revealed himself to me last year during the Floyd unrest.
I did know him to be conservative and we had our understanding. However, the statements and stance he made during that time ignited the end of our relationship.

I could no longer align with him on other fronts because of this. It got sort of ugly when I had a hard time relaying my feelings and where I stood on matters we were so far apart on. But. It came down to the fact that there were matters we were very far apart on and the chasm could not be filled or crossed.

He actually said to me that tRump was sent from God.
Last straw for me. Ripped those rose colored glasses right off.

It hurts like hell but once the bandage has been ripped off (or rose colored glasses) the healing can begin.

Take care of head and heart friend. Tell your friend adios!

 

[USA4ME]

 

The funniest thing on that whole thread is that liberals view themselves as being smart.

.

[SVPete]

Star Member Poiuyt (15,649 posts)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100215396244

I've lost my best friend, and it's because of Trump

I have a friend that I've known my entire life. We've always been politically and religiously opposed, but we've accepted that and had an understanding to avoid those topics when we're together. When Trump came onto the scene, my friend embraced him wholeheartedly and enthusiastically joined the cult. While still polite to me personally, he didn't shy away from belligerent and offensive statements when other conservatives were present. He has revealed himself to be a true fascist.

Over the past year, I avoided him because of Covid. I knew he considered wearing a mask was beneath him, and now he refuses to get a vaccine. When asked, he'd say "Why should I?" It's almost like he's looking down his nose at me because I am vaccinated. This attitude disgusts me.

What a freaking wimp Star Moron Poiuyt is. He can't even proudly proclaim he ditched a decades-long friend because he's a racist, fascist, everything-evil-ist. Like a weak child Star Moron Poiuyt shifts blame onto someone he's never met.


  Wimp!

[SSG Snuggle Bunny]

If you can be friends with someone for decades and claim you never knew they were evil until someone from the outside came along and declared them to be evil and you chose the outsider over your friend...

...you're a ****.

[enslaved1]

DUpipo sure are losing a lot of arguments with the voices in their heads from the sounds of these posts.....

[SVPete]

DUpipo sure are losing a lot of arguments with the voices in their heads from the sounds of these posts.....

  !

[DLR Pyro]

DUmmy Poiuyt lost his best friend because DUmmy Poiuyt is an insufferable asshole.

[Zathras]

No DUmbass you didn't lose your best friend because of President Trump. You lost your best friend because of your hatred, intolerance and bigotry for those who believe differently than you. The same applies to all DUmbasses who've cut contact with those family and friends who think differently than you. And guess what. Those people are much better off without your toxicity in their lives.

[DUmpDiver]

If DUmmies didn't spend so much time drama queening they'd have more time to enjoy life.  DU was founded on the basis of self-imposed misery after Bush beat Gore. Even when messiah Obama was elected all they did was bitch and drama queen.

Rational people realize that who wins a presidential isn't the "end of democracy" or the end of the world. Life goes on.

Am I disappointed that a decrepit old hair sniffing pedophile beat Trump in 2020? You bet. Do I let it ruin my day? Nope.

[SSG Snuggle Bunny]

The gates of Hell are locked from the inside.