Author Topic: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!  (Read 7165 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Chris_

  • Little Lebowski Urban Achiever
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 46845
  • Reputation: +2028/-266
How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« on: August 10, 2010, 01:01:02 PM »
Quote

1) Plant a shipload of carrots.

2) Leave the country for two weeks, about a month after they really should have been harvested.

3) Return home, pull a carrot, and boggle: holy carp, this thing is the size of a baby's arm holding an apple.

4) Purchase a deep-fryer. (This is actually Step Zero; you should already have purchased a deep fryer.)

5) Peel the skin off your carrot, and then use extra pressure on the the peeler to slowly slice the meat of the carrot into thin, bacon-like strips.

6) To remove any vitamins, minerals, and/or lingering taste of carrot, deep-fry in 375-degree canola oil for a minute and a half. Batch size: the thin-sliced flesh of one very large carrot.

7) Blot gently with paper towel.

8) Sprinkle with truffled salt.

9) Try not to just snaffle them all up right there, standing over the sink.

10) Bask in the approbation of your family and friends, especially the vegan ones. (You might not want to tell the kids they're eating carrots until they've tasted one.)

Flickr

I suppose this would come in handy in an emergency and you couldn't find real bacon.  Oh, the humanity!

Looks more like carrot-chips than actual bacon, but whatever.  This works pretty well with sweet potatoes too.
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline Mike220

  • Proud owner of a
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4650
  • Reputation: +310/-122
  • Ron Swanson is my hero
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #1 on: August 10, 2010, 01:04:10 PM »
THAT IS AN ABOMINATION WORTHY OF DAMNATION!

Coming from the guy that doesn't eat real bacon anymore...
Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer "extortion." The "X" makes it sound cool. - Bender

"jews run the media" -- CreativeChristie
Woohoo! Bow to me peasants -- Me

Offline Chris_

  • Little Lebowski Urban Achiever
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 46845
  • Reputation: +2028/-266
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #2 on: August 10, 2010, 02:23:01 PM »
:rofl:  I didn't write the headline.  Apparently, vegetarians are so starved for protein and enzymes that they're confusing fried chips for slices of meat.
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline IassaFTots

  • In WTF-istan, I am considered a
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13972
  • Reputation: +768/-274
  • Oh well, I wasn't using my civil liberties anyway.
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #3 on: August 10, 2010, 03:18:44 PM »

Coming from the guy that doesn't eat real bacon anymore...

 :panic:


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
R.I.P. LC and Crockspot.  Miss you guys.

The infinite is possible at zombocom.  www.zombo.com

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." ~ Martin Luther King
 
“Political Correctness is about turning a blind eye to painful reality because your comfortable feelings are more important to you than saving lives and providing quality of life to people who work their ass off to be productive and are a benefit to this great American Dream"  ~Ted Nugent

Offline Mike220

  • Proud owner of a
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4650
  • Reputation: +310/-122
  • Ron Swanson is my hero
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #4 on: August 10, 2010, 06:22:29 PM »
:panic:


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's been hard getting used to, but it's not kosher. I do slip up occasionally, but I'm managing.
Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer "extortion." The "X" makes it sound cool. - Bender

"jews run the media" -- CreativeChristie
Woohoo! Bow to me peasants -- Me

Offline Chris_

  • Little Lebowski Urban Achiever
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 46845
  • Reputation: +2028/-266
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #5 on: August 10, 2010, 06:27:17 PM »
What about pastrami?  I've heard thin sliced, pan fried pastrami is almost as good as bacon.  Crispy and tasty.
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline Mike220

  • Proud owner of a
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4650
  • Reputation: +310/-122
  • Ron Swanson is my hero
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #6 on: August 10, 2010, 06:31:54 PM »
What about pastrami?  I've heard thin sliced, pan fried pastrami is almost as good as bacon.  Crispy and tasty.

I'll have to try that. There's a kosher deli/bakery down the street from the synagogue I've been attending.

I just can't bring myself to try turkey "bacon."
Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer "extortion." The "X" makes it sound cool. - Bender

"jews run the media" -- CreativeChristie
Woohoo! Bow to me peasants -- Me

Offline soleil

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2151
  • Reputation: +57/-31
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #7 on: August 10, 2010, 07:21:04 PM »
I'll have to try that. There's a kosher deli/bakery down the street from the synagogue I've been attending.

I just can't bring myself to try turkey "bacon."

Turkey bacon is obviously NOT bacon, however, if you view it as something other than bacon, it is kinda good. I love me some turkey bacon. AGAIN, it is no substitute, but it is worth trying.

Offline IassaFTots

  • In WTF-istan, I am considered a
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13972
  • Reputation: +768/-274
  • Oh well, I wasn't using my civil liberties anyway.
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #8 on: August 10, 2010, 08:41:36 PM »
I'll have to try that. There's a kosher deli/bakery down the street from the synagogue I've been attending.

I just can't bring myself to try turkey "bacon."

Oh bugger.  I forgot.  My bad.  So, when you need a bacon fix, try out bacon salt.  You can buy it at Krogers, that is where I do, and there is no bacon in it.  So you can salt things with bacon salt and get the taste.

http://baconsalt.com/

It's Kosher too!
R.I.P. LC and Crockspot.  Miss you guys.

The infinite is possible at zombocom.  www.zombo.com

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." ~ Martin Luther King
 
“Political Correctness is about turning a blind eye to painful reality because your comfortable feelings are more important to you than saving lives and providing quality of life to people who work their ass off to be productive and are a benefit to this great American Dream"  ~Ted Nugent

Offline Chris_

  • Little Lebowski Urban Achiever
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 46845
  • Reputation: +2028/-266
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #9 on: August 10, 2010, 08:46:58 PM »
I found this burger blog the other week... he mentions fried pastrami and makes it sound really, really good.

http://aht.seriouseats.com/archives/2010/08/the-burger-lab-the-pastrami-burger-bomb.html
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline Mike220

  • Proud owner of a
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4650
  • Reputation: +310/-122
  • Ron Swanson is my hero
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #10 on: August 10, 2010, 10:00:06 PM »

Oh bugger.  I forgot.  My bad.  So, when you need a bacon fix, try out bacon salt.  You can buy it at Krogers, that is where I do, and there is no bacon in it.  So you can salt things with bacon salt and get the taste.

http://baconsalt.com/

It's Kosher too!

I'll have to check that out. Thanks.
Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer "extortion." The "X" makes it sound cool. - Bender

"jews run the media" -- CreativeChristie
Woohoo! Bow to me peasants -- Me

Offline Mike220

  • Proud owner of a
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4650
  • Reputation: +310/-122
  • Ron Swanson is my hero
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #11 on: August 10, 2010, 10:01:04 PM »
I found this burger blog the other week... he mentions fried pastrami and makes it sound really, really good.

http://aht.seriouseats.com/archives/2010/08/the-burger-lab-the-pastrami-burger-bomb.html

I'll be in Richardson tomorrow, so I'll pick some up and let you know how it is.
Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer "extortion." The "X" makes it sound cool. - Bender

"jews run the media" -- CreativeChristie
Woohoo! Bow to me peasants -- Me

Offline Chris_

  • Little Lebowski Urban Achiever
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 46845
  • Reputation: +2028/-266
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #12 on: August 10, 2010, 10:02:00 PM »
Excellent.
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline Mike220

  • Proud owner of a
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4650
  • Reputation: +310/-122
  • Ron Swanson is my hero
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #13 on: August 16, 2010, 08:12:01 PM »
Excellent.

Oh man, that was some good stuff. Put a bit of olive oil on it as a condiment which was tasty. It's hideously expensive, but for an occasional treat I'll have to do it again. It doesn't taste like bacon of course, but to me, it actually tastes better and will make a more than acceptable substitute. Next I'll have to try it with burgers from the grill.







Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer "extortion." The "X" makes it sound cool. - Bender

"jews run the media" -- CreativeChristie
Woohoo! Bow to me peasants -- Me

Offline cavegal

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3015
  • Reputation: +105/-42
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #14 on: August 16, 2010, 08:20:49 PM »
IF BACON IS SO BAD WHY DO THEY TRY TO IMITATE IT ALL  THE TIME..? I sure hope imitate is the word I am looking for? :fuelfire:


“Look, we’re led by a man that either is not tough, not smart, or he’s got something else in mind,”  Donald J.Trump. 6/13/16

Offline Mike220

  • Proud owner of a
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4650
  • Reputation: +310/-122
  • Ron Swanson is my hero
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #15 on: August 16, 2010, 08:22:10 PM »
IF BACON IS SO BAD WHY DO THEY TRY TO IMITATE IT ALL  THE TIME..? I sure hope imitate is the word I am looking for? :fuelfire:

Because some of us can't eat bacon.  :-)
Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer "extortion." The "X" makes it sound cool. - Bender

"jews run the media" -- CreativeChristie
Woohoo! Bow to me peasants -- Me

Offline Chris_

  • Little Lebowski Urban Achiever
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 46845
  • Reputation: +2028/-266
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #16 on: August 16, 2010, 08:42:44 PM »
$17 a pound?  Holy crap!  I don't remember it being that expensive here... I'll have to check some other time.

That does look good.
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline Mike220

  • Proud owner of a
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4650
  • Reputation: +310/-122
  • Ron Swanson is my hero
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #17 on: August 16, 2010, 08:46:05 PM »
$17 a pound?  Holy crap!  I don't remember it being that expensive here... I'll have to check some other time.

That does look good.

I don't think the normal stuff is as expensive, but I haven't bought deli meat in a long time. I usually just buy the prepackaged stuff. I'll check when I go grocery shopping tomorrow.
Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer "extortion." The "X" makes it sound cool. - Bender

"jews run the media" -- CreativeChristie
Woohoo! Bow to me peasants -- Me

Offline cavegal

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3015
  • Reputation: +105/-42
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #18 on: August 16, 2010, 08:48:18 PM »
Because some of us can't eat bacon.  :-)
  :-)


“Look, we’re led by a man that either is not tough, not smart, or he’s got something else in mind,”  Donald J.Trump. 6/13/16

Offline IassaFTots

  • In WTF-istan, I am considered a
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13972
  • Reputation: +768/-274
  • Oh well, I wasn't using my civil liberties anyway.
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #19 on: August 16, 2010, 09:27:46 PM »
I fried some bacon, I dropped a slice on the floor.  Usually a 5 second rule would apply, but this one fell between my cabinet and fridge.  It was sad. :bawl:
R.I.P. LC and Crockspot.  Miss you guys.

The infinite is possible at zombocom.  www.zombo.com

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." ~ Martin Luther King
 
“Political Correctness is about turning a blind eye to painful reality because your comfortable feelings are more important to you than saving lives and providing quality of life to people who work their ass off to be productive and are a benefit to this great American Dream"  ~Ted Nugent

Offline Chris_

  • Little Lebowski Urban Achiever
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 46845
  • Reputation: +2028/-266
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #20 on: August 16, 2010, 09:28:26 PM »
I feel your pain. :lmao:
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline Eupher

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 24894
  • Reputation: +2828/-1828
  • U.S. Army, Retired
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #21 on: August 17, 2010, 10:47:51 AM »
I fried some bacon, I dropped a slice on the floor.  Usually a 5 second rule would apply, but this one fell between my cabinet and fridge.  It was sad. :bawl:

You do realize, of course, that the ants are having a bacon (hay) day.
Adams E2 Euphonium, built in 2017
Boosey & Co. Imperial Euphonium, built in 1941
Edwards B454 bass trombone, built 2012
Bach Stradivarius 42OG tenor trombone, built 1992
Kanstul 33-T BBb tuba, built 2011
Fender Precision Bass Guitar, built ?
Mouthpiece data provided on request.

Offline IassaFTots

  • In WTF-istan, I am considered a
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13972
  • Reputation: +768/-274
  • Oh well, I wasn't using my civil liberties anyway.
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #22 on: August 17, 2010, 12:14:22 PM »
You do realize, of course, that the ants are having a bacon (hay) day.

Oh, I picked it up.  It was a little too dirty to eat.  Although I did consider it. 
R.I.P. LC and Crockspot.  Miss you guys.

The infinite is possible at zombocom.  www.zombo.com

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." ~ Martin Luther King
 
“Political Correctness is about turning a blind eye to painful reality because your comfortable feelings are more important to you than saving lives and providing quality of life to people who work their ass off to be productive and are a benefit to this great American Dream"  ~Ted Nugent

Offline Eupher

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 24894
  • Reputation: +2828/-1828
  • U.S. Army, Retired
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #23 on: August 17, 2010, 12:17:44 PM »
Oh, I picked it up.  It was a little too dirty to eat.  Although I did consider it. 

The rendering process does destroy most bacteria, but I admit some of the crunchies might be disturbing.

On the other hand, if you like your bacon chewy, there might've been an opportunity there.

Just sayin'.... :-)
Adams E2 Euphonium, built in 2017
Boosey & Co. Imperial Euphonium, built in 1941
Edwards B454 bass trombone, built 2012
Bach Stradivarius 42OG tenor trombone, built 1992
Kanstul 33-T BBb tuba, built 2011
Fender Precision Bass Guitar, built ?
Mouthpiece data provided on request.

Offline Tnafbrat

  • Mama D, Evil Queen and Resident Raghead
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 286
  • Reputation: +24/-4
  • Don't make me get my flying monkeys
Re: How to Turn Carrots into Bacon!
« Reply #24 on: October 07, 2010, 09:03:27 AM »
Bacon is a health food ..... just sayin
Never argue with idiots.  They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience

Buy me stuff and I'll be nicer!