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Offline franksolich

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primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« on: May 03, 2009, 09:45:44 PM »
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OmmmSweetOmmm  (1000+ posts)        Sun May-03-09 03:43 PM
Original message
 
Please, I need some feedback regarding my youngest son.

He's 18 and told me last night that he's a lesbian. He first wrote it on a piece of paper because he was uncomfortable telling me. I told him no matter what life choice he makes, I will always love him.

It seems that his girlfriend of the same age is a lesbian. He also told me he'd like a sex change operation. That he has a problem with having a penis and he would like to have breasts (only after I asked him).

I actually asked him if he was a butch lesbian because there has been no hint in all of these 18 years that he felt trapped as a woman in a man's body. All of his interests have been male oriented and he claims to be a lesbian because he isn't attracted to men at all. He also told me that he isn't a cross-dresser.

He was holding back a bit feeling uncomfortable talking to me about it and the last question I asked him was how long has he felt this way about having a penis. He told me since he was 8 and had a dream about the Olson twins. He wouldn't elaborate.

I am just wondering if this is all about his girlfriend, whom he cares for very much being a lesbian, and his wanting to please her.

I am in unfamiliar waters here and don't know where else I can ask about this. Any input would be wonderful. Thank you!

The warped primitive:

Quote
Warpy  (1000+ posts)        Sun May-03-09 03:48 PM
Response to Original message
 
1. Just wait this one out for at least a year. If he's still saying the same things a year from now, then point him in the direction of psychological evaluation for sex change surgery.

Sex change operations are incredibly drastic surgeries and psychological counseling beforehand is absolutely essential. A decent psychologist well versed in gender identity issues will sort out what the kid really wants.

Right now, just listen with an open mind and do nothing beyond a preliminary search for a good psychologist in your area.

Hmmm.  franksolich agrees with the warped primitive; wait a while.

Have his dad taking him hunting or something, some man stuff.

Maybe he'll change his mind.

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OmmmSweetOmmm  (1000+ posts)        Sun May-03-09 03:53 PM
Response to Reply #1
 
6. Thanks Warpy. We also discussed his seeing a psychologist and then he said he wanted to see one who specializes in sex change cases. I don't think he should take that step yet.

Quote
Warpy  (1000+ posts)        Sun May-03-09 03:57 PM
Response to Reply #6
 
10. It wouldn't do him any harm to talk to a psychologist who specializes in gender identity issues.

They're highly competent at weeding out genuine cases of gender dysphoria from infatuation.

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OmmmSweetOmmm  (1000+ posts)        Sun May-03-09 04:00 PM
Response to Reply #10
 
12. I was thinking last night if I can bring his primary care physician into this.

He's been my son's doctor since birth and he's a very cool guy and might be able to talk to him one on one before referring him to someone.

Quote
Warpy  (1000+ posts)        Sun May-03-09 06:13 PM
Response to Reply #12

22. The psychologist would be a better bet and even a pediatrician with a good rapport might still have gender hangups you don't know anything about.

Best to talk to a specialist.

franksolich says best listen to the warped primitive.

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Offline dutch508

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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #1 on: May 03, 2009, 09:52:21 PM »
Wait...what?

This eighteen year old guy has a girlfriend who's a lez, and he wants to be one too so they can be together?


Tell him there ARE some girls who like penis. You just have to keep looking for the right one.
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Offline franksolich

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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #2 on: May 03, 2009, 09:53:39 PM »
Well, what bothers me about this is that this is a primitive.

Meaning.....

.....on medical care paid for by other people, namely us.

I'm tired of paying other people's medical bills.
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Offline BamaMoose

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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #3 on: May 03, 2009, 10:40:58 PM »
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XOEnterprises  (91 posts)      Sun May-03-09 07:10 PM
Response to Original message
24. He could very well be a masculine girl.
 I know that sounds strange, but gender identity, sexuality, and body identification are not the same thing at all. My ex (we're on hiatus until he gets his top surgery done) is an androgynous identified bisexual trans man. Our friend, "James," is a butch identified lesbian trans man. Monte didn't come out as bisexual until he started understanding his body as male-before that, he identified as asexual. But his gender personality is very neutral, and he doesn't try to fit in either masculine or feminine archetypes. He's just Monte. James, on the other hand, came out as a butch lesbian before realizing he was trans, and he's now trying to push himself out of that identification as lesbian and date women who are attracted to men. Just because someone feels wrong in their body doesn't mean they're also rejecting all the traits associated with that sex.

I think that you're doing a wonderful job supporting him, and caring for him no matter what he grows to understand about himself. But while you're doing that, make sure you are asking him those questions you have about his lesbian girlfriend. Part of the reason Monte and I split was our relationship was becoming too tangled in his desires for his transition, and he needed his space to understand what he wants before we can have a relationship built on our shared needs and wants.

I would also, if I were you, get him to a therapist, even one that doesn't specialize in this. If he does really want this, then he's going to need one in order to get cleared for surgery. I would also start looking at surgeons with him and talking about the types of surgery and the options for hormones. Even if he has to wait, it will get the ball rolling and either cement his wants or make him realize what a huge task he has ahead of him.

I hope that helps! Good luck to him!

What in the Hell?  "androgynous identified bisexual trans man"??  "butch identified lesbian trans man"??  Are they just making this crap up?
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Offline happy1ga

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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #4 on: May 03, 2009, 11:12:22 PM »
This type of thing just gives me the willies. I hate to sound cruel, but i think so much of these feelings are manufactured by very unhappy people, not because of anything other than just personal unhappiness with their body image, lack of friends, popularity, etc. They get weird thoughts, etc., and then someone tells them, Oh! you must be a trans neuter gender bi something or other. People rarely had this issue before all these surgeries were available. I beleive there are some genuine cases of people who have something skewed in their makeup that warrants this, hermaphrodites, etc. But I think it is rare. My son is 19, and I would have him in counseling immediately with someone who was level-headed, non-progressive type. Just good old common sense. I believe all the "help" progressive type-people try to give teens sometimes ends up being a big hurt.
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Offline Lord Undies

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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #5 on: May 03, 2009, 11:35:57 PM »
"I was raised by a DUmmie all of my life,
 Now I wanna cut off my penis and find me a wife"
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Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #6 on: May 04, 2009, 02:42:06 AM »
JohnnyReb dated a lipstick lesbian, a dynamite young lipstick lesbian, for a while between wives. The lipstick lesbian filled both a need and purpose. But when JohnnyReb recovered from the hurt and again needed the compionship of a normal women, he parted with the lipstick lesbian, not his penis. Me and "it" came into this world together and I'm doing all I can to see to it that "we" leave this world together.

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Offline Flame

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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #7 on: May 04, 2009, 07:10:45 AM »
So, an 18 yr old male is not attracted to males at all.....doesn't that mean he's straight?   And he has a lesbian for a girlfriend?  huh?
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Offline Carl

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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #8 on: May 04, 2009, 07:16:52 AM »
There is just a whole lotta WTF?? with this. :mental:
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Offline franksolich

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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #9 on: May 04, 2009, 07:22:12 AM »
Quote from: happy1ga on May 03, 2009, 11:12:22 PM
This type of thing just gives me the willies. I hate to sound cruel, but i think so much of these feelings are manufactured by very unhappy people, not because of anything other than just personal unhappiness with their body image, lack of friends, popularity, etc.

They get weird thoughts, etc., and then someone tells them, Oh! you must be a trans neuter gender bi something or other. People rarely had this issue before all these surgeries were available.

People rarely had this issue before the taxpayers started having to subsidize other people's medical bills.

Think of all of the children with cancer, leukemia, multiple sclerosis, whatnot, who could be treated with all the money blown on "sex-change" operations for primitives instead.

Okay, now question.

Remember, I'm not really "up" on this topic.

When a male gets his nuts cut off, doesn't that sort of, well, change his sexual desires too?

So the kid becomes a "woman"--I don't think it's going to happen, though--and so what happens if he becomes a "woman" with the sexual desires of a real woman, that for a man?  He'd drop the current "lesbian" girlfriend, of course.

It seems to me a sex-change operation doesn't only monkey with what's down there, but also with the brain.

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Offline USA4ME

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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #10 on: May 04, 2009, 07:29:47 AM »
The last place anyone needs advice on any topic is from a GLBT forum in kookville.

So when he was 8 he had a dream about the Olsen twins and since then he's not wanted a whanker and he wants boobies in order to be with his lesbian girlfriend.  See kiddies, this is the type of life you can look forward to when your parents have no moral foundation and no brains.

.
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Offline Celtic Rose

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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #11 on: May 04, 2009, 07:36:39 AM »
It seems to me that disliking a body part enough to want to have it removed indicates some sort of mental health problem, and if somebody told me that they had hated their penis since they were a child, my first instinct would be to assume that there was some sort of abuse in their history, because that just seems like a huge red flag. 
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Offline Splashdown

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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #12 on: May 04, 2009, 07:39:11 AM »
Wow. It occurs to me that I've apparently led a sheltered life.

How can a man want to be a lesbian.

Man who likes woman=straight.
Woman who likes woman=lesbian.

He already likes women.

There's something wrong with the math here.
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Offline Karin

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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #13 on: May 04, 2009, 09:06:35 AM »
I'm just sorry I called up this whole regrettable thread.  Especially #24 above. 
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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #14 on: May 04, 2009, 09:12:28 AM »
Quote from: Splashdown on May 04, 2009, 07:39:11 AM
Wow. It occurs to me that I've apparently led a sheltered life.

How can a man want to be a lesbian.

Man who likes woman=straight.
Woman who likes woman=lesbian.

He already likes women.

There's something wrong with the math here.

Being Lesbian, or a bisexual female is currently vogue - has been for at least the last decade. going lez would make him instantly popular, unless he ends up fugly.
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Offline lastparker

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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #15 on: May 04, 2009, 09:41:39 AM »
People rarely had this issue before the taxpayers started having to subsidize other people's medical bills the 60's, when "exploring one's feelings" was WAY over-played.

The more I think about it, everything I hate about this country came from the 60's.  Apparently mixing LSD with rebellious teenagers has horrific long-term consequences.
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Offline tuolumnejim

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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #16 on: May 04, 2009, 11:33:53 AM »
Quote from: Carl on May 04, 2009, 07:16:52 AM
There is just a whole lotta WTF?? with this. :mental:
Yep, this DUmmie is one sick freak.  :censored:
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Offline AllosaursRus

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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #17 on: May 04, 2009, 11:47:18 AM »
Quote from: miskie on May 04, 2009, 09:12:28 AM
Being Lesbian, or a bisexual female is currently vogue - has been for at least the last decade. going lez would make him instantly popular, unless he ends up fugly.

He will probly just be an ugly les. Have you ever seen one of these "butch" dykes? They look like guys! He/she/it, will fit right in!
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Offline jinxmchue

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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #18 on: May 04, 2009, 12:27:20 PM »
I have to sympathize with this young man.  You see, I, too, am a lesbian trapped in a man's body.  I don't want a sex change, though.  The free dildo that comes with this body is a bonus.
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Offline Wineslob

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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #19 on: May 04, 2009, 12:29:51 PM »
I can almost guarantee the bi girlfriend just lets him watch. He wants in on the "action".   :lmao:
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Offline Ree

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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #20 on: May 04, 2009, 12:31:01 PM »
How can the sons 'girlfriend' be a lesbian? She has a 'boyfriend'.... :confused:
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Offline delilahmused

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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #21 on: May 04, 2009, 12:51:47 PM »
What the hell is wrong with these people? How do you so **** up a child's psyche that he not only hates his own gender, but sexual orientation too? Did mommy make him wear lace on his panties on days he had gym class? Maybe he watched too many L Word reruns? And if his girlfriend is a lesbian why is she dating a boy? I mean he wants to CUT OFF HIS PENIS!!! I have to buy them from Adam & Eve and this idiot wants to cut off one he gets for free?

As a mother I think I'd rather have my son come tell me he's joined a cult than he wants to have his dick cut off! At least with the former he could be deprogrammed. What happened to the good old days when children grew up to be your average, garden variety gay person?

Cindie
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Offline BannedFromDU

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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #22 on: May 04, 2009, 12:57:44 PM »
Quote from: delilahmused on May 04, 2009, 12:51:47 PM
What the hell is wrong with these people? How do you so **** up a child's psyche that he not only hates his own gender, but sexual orientation too? Did mommy make him wear lace on his panties on days he had gym class? Maybe he watched too many L Word reruns? And if his girlfriend is a lesbian why is she dating a boy? I mean he wants to CUT OFF HIS PENIS!!! I have to buy them from Adam & Eve and this idiot wants to cut off one he gets for free?

As a mother I think I'd rather have my son come tell me he's joined a cult than he wants to have his dick cut off! At least with the former he could be deprogrammed. What happened to the good old days when children grew up to be your average, garden variety gay person?

Cindie



     This is clearly a bouncy of the One-Upmanship Type. You know...with Bush* out of the White House, it no longer evokes the same rage to have a child think they're gay. The next step is to have them have the same ultimate sexual attraction, but have them be uncomfortable about their basis for that attraction. I doubt this idiot has a child at all.
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5. IMO

a certain percentage of DU is depressed and has other mental issues.

Offline whiffleball

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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #23 on: May 04, 2009, 04:23:47 PM »
Don't know about that, but apparently $kins is conducting the Big Damn Gay Purge of 2009 according to PI:  http://tinyurl.com/cc7cfl

YARDWORK
SOLON
VANJE
RUNCIBLE SPOON
MARRAH_G
TECHBEAR_SEATTLE
Zuiderelle (PELOSIFAN)
SUNDOG
DBACKJON
MAVEN

TS'd so far.
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Offline Chris_

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Re: primitive has a son who's a lesbian
« Reply #24 on: May 04, 2009, 04:51:16 PM »
Is this for real ?

They are some messed up humans.

 :mental:
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