Author Topic: Elizabeth Warren Claims To Be Part Unicorn  (Read 10783 times)

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Offline thefibbler

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Elizabeth Warren Claims To Be Part Unicorn
« on: February 24, 2014, 01:19:35 AM »
According to various colleagues and associates of Elizabeth Warren, the Senator has frequently made claims of unicorn ancestry. This professed belief of Senator Warren apparently began at age six when her mother told her she was a unicorn. The Senator never really matured enough over the course of her life to come to the conclusion that it was just make believe.

''It really started to freak us out when she continued to pretend she was a unicorn during her teen years,” Warren’s mother said in an interview. ''We took her to a psychologist who informed us that Elizabeth is stuck in a state of arrested development where she can only view the world through a prism of a small child. That certainly explains why she’s popular in the Occupy Wall Street movement.’’

This disability hasn’t prevented her from rising to the top of leftist politics however. Those in the Democrat party easily identify with her and don’t even realize something’s intellectually amiss. And those that do, love her even more.

Harvard was very excited to add her to the faculty when she applied. A part unicorn professor is a rarity indeed and it really helped her land the job. ‘’How this would benefit her in an academic setting might perplex some. But you’ve got to understand, universities these days are looking for all sorts of freaks to put on their payrolls,’’ explained former Harvard President Neil Rudenstine. ‘’Dartmouth just hired a man who thinks he’s a lesbian and Duke has employed a professor with a goat fetish for decades. So a woman who thinks she has descended from a unicorn is just the sort of person universities covet.’’

The future looks bright for Senator Warren. With Republicans afraid they’ll be viewed as insensitive and socially backwards if they criticize her and Democrats excited they’ve found someone as special as themselves, some are predicting that the ‘’Unicorn of the Senate’’ could successfully challenge Secretary Clinton for the presidency.

“They both have their disabilities,” said political scientist James Easton. “One believes she’s a unicorn, the other believes YouTube videos cause non-terrorists to attack our embassies. But the unicorn thing could be more endearing to voters and most people view Clinton with two horns, not one.”

More political satire at www.thefibbler.com

Offline Big Dog

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Re: Elizabeth Warren Claims To Be Part Unicorn
« Reply #1 on: February 24, 2014, 06:38:44 AM »


Well played in the last paragraph, fibbler.
Government is the negation of liberty.
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CAVE FVROREM PATIENTIS.

Offline Eupher

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Re: Elizabeth Warren Claims To Be Part Unicorn
« Reply #2 on: February 24, 2014, 09:04:29 AM »
I just love it when Elizabeth whinnies.

She raises her tail and ejects a mountain of steaming shit as well. Unicorns don't hold a candle to ol' Liz.
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Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: Elizabeth Warren Claims To Be Part Unicorn
« Reply #3 on: February 24, 2014, 09:35:39 AM »
Strange way to say she's horny.
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Offline Ralph Wiggum

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Re: Elizabeth Warren Claims To Be Part Unicorn
« Reply #4 on: February 24, 2014, 12:04:04 PM »
Strange way to say she's horny.

Only Steve Numbers or Loconuts would hit that.
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Offline obumazombie

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Re: Elizabeth Warren Claims To Be Part Unicorn
« Reply #5 on: February 24, 2014, 03:38:42 PM »
Unicorns eat unicornonthecob.
There were only two options for gender. At last count there are at least 12, according to libs. By that standard, I'm a male lesbian.

Offline Big Dog

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Re: Elizabeth Warren Claims To Be Part Unicorn
« Reply #6 on: February 24, 2014, 06:49:16 PM »
Unicorns eat unicornonthecob.

Oh, man. That was unicorny!
Government is the negation of liberty.
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Offline obumazombie

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Re: Elizabeth Warren Claims To Be Part Unicorn
« Reply #7 on: February 25, 2014, 01:28:28 AM »
Oh, man. That was unicorny!
There is more truth in what you say than a unicornucopia !
There were only two options for gender. At last count there are at least 12, according to libs. By that standard, I'm a male lesbian.