Man, I had the damnedest thing happen the other day. I was going thru the drive thru at a Mickey-D's in southern Florida early in the morning with my 3 dogs, when this ratty-assed 70 something Toyota Corolla POS pulled in behind me. The car was covered with bumper stickers (even on the roof and hood) with such standard liberal fare as "Make Love, Not War", "Respect Your Mother" (with a pic of the Earth), and "Hungry? Eat Your SUV!" It had even more rust on it than stickers. I felt I needed a tetnus shot for just looking at it.
The only thing rattier than the car was it's driver/owner. He looked to be about 60'ish, beady wire-rimmed glasses, 3/4 bald with his remaining hair pulled back into a grey, 4 inch ponytail. His face was covered with a grey beard, massive enough to house a nest of blue jays. That is, if they could stand the smell. I don't know if it was the car or the occupant, but I could smell them as soon as they pulled into the parking lot. I don't know what smoked more, either. The car had to be revved to 3 grand just to keep it running, to me, it sounded like a 4-cylinder running on 2. More like 2 and a half. Burned more oil than it did gas. How it made it over the rise into the lot was a mystery to me.
Anyway, I was trying to order 2 of the bacon, egg, and cheese specials; one each for my dogs and one for me. For a bunch of Dachshunds, they sure can pack away the grub. The idiot behind me must have gotten upset over my "NOBAMA" and "There Is No Hope, And I've Run Out Of Change" bumper stickers, because he was so close he was almost under my car, revving his engine and blowing his horn. On top of that, the kid on the other side of the speaker didn't speak good English, and my Spanish is quite rusty, and now with the noise behind me, the dogs were raising hell because of the commotion from behind, there was no way we were going to hear each other anyway. So, I pulled up to the window to place my order.
At the window, I was greeted by the manager, who DID speak English. I gave him my order, and he asked me to pull ahead and they'll bring my order out when it was ready. As I did, "Smokey" had made his way to the window, he was yelling at the cashier over the rattling of his POS car, the cashier was yelling back, and the entire area looked like a smoke bomb had gone off, and smelled like the south end of a north bound hippo (or would that be "hippie"). He kept trying to hand her what looked like a credit card, which she kept handing back. After much yelling, he handed the cashier a hand full of change, several coins of it falling to the pavement. He finally shut off the car, which died in a loud backfire, causing the cashier to "hit the deck", tossing his coffee thru the window all over the car and HIM! Probably the first bath he's had this century. Some more yelling insued, he was handed another cup, and after several seconds of cranking and backfiring, the Toyota sputtered, smoked, and rumbled past me, with a "Go To Hell look" and a middle finger from the driver. I just smiled and waved back (with all FIVE fingers).
When my biscuits came out, I asked them what the commotion was about behind me. They said "hippieboy" was trying to pay for a cup of coffee and an OJ with a food stamp card, which they don't accept, and even though he shorted them 38 cents for the two items, they gave it to him anyway, because the smell and smoke was on the verge of setting off the fire alarms. I asked if he came there often, they said yes, all the time. He's a professor at the local community college!
