[Hillary, in conversation with The Anointed One:]
Barry, I got it! I got it!
Um, me and Joe B. will get on a plane and we'll go to Moscow! Yeah, that's the ticket! We then hook up with Putin - he's still running the show over there, right?
So Vlad and I will sit down at a nice state dinner (man, it's been a long time since I've had some Russian caviar) and we'll talk.
We'll talk about our mutual interests. And we'll talk about YOU, Barry! (Vlad will LOVE that part!)
And then Joe will talk about what a rough campaign it was. But how YOU prevailed, Barry! (You know I'm really SO PROUD of you, Barry! [gush])
But then toward the evening and after about the 3rd vodka gimlet (didja know that the Russkies have the BEST vodka, Barry? Try it sometime!), we'll get down to business and start talking about that country that has too many consonants in its name - uh, I think it's K-stan or something. Yeah, we'll just call it "K-stan." (It's easier, Barry. Have a heart with an old lady!)
Um, then after some discussion, we'll just talk about our economic stimulus plan and how wonderful it is, especially regarding line item number 3,436,934,654 that allocates $154 billion in immediate aid to Russia! Without any conditions! Even a requirement to pay it back! Just consider it a free gift from the citizens of America, all of whom LOVE YOU, Vlad!
Barry, I just KNOW that Vlad will see it our way! We'll just connect on that real gut level - just two very smart people who know what they want - and then when Russia goes ahead and annexes K-Stan (why not, Barry? Those people in K-stan used to be commies, right? What's wrong with goin' back to Mother Russia?), we'll be able to just move right into Iran.
Or Turkey.
Or even Georgia.
Something like that. Well, Barry, Joe and me are off to Andrews! Wish us well!