Ahem. I win. I was donated a Ford Aspire. A vehicle that aspired to be a car, a Ford Ass-pirate, if you will. Turquoise Green with hot pink pinstripe.
1. Had a screwdriver permanently inserted in the shifter to keep it from randomly going into park.
2. Ignition key broke in the ignition, so if you didn't have the half key, you couldn't start the car.
3. Passenger door and trunk did not open by key, so you had to leave the car unlocked.
4. Cupholder conveniently located in front of the stereo...so if you stopped at all, whatever liquid you had in your cup would go straight into the tape player, shorting the radio until it dried out.
5. If you put the gas on it, with the ac turned off, which didn't work anyway, you might could get to 50 mph somewhere around 5 miles AFTER entering the highway, and when you did, you could hear the hamsters dying inside.
There is more, but I have conveniently erased the pain from my memory.