My father is dying of cancer, and that PoS made [it] more painful...

[dutch508]

Star Member Dark n Stormy Knight (7,143 posts)

Last edited Sat Aug 22, 2020, 09:42 PM - Edit history (1)


My father is dying of cancer, and that PoS in the WH has made the situation even more painful than it would have been.

In what will almost certainly turn out to have been his last half dozen months in this world, my father's quality of life has been greatly diminished by Trump and his minions. The incompetent handling of this pandemic forced him to stop working, to be confined mostly to home, and to have far less time in the company of his family than he would have.



On top of his recent diagnosis of gastroparesis and his long-standing diabetes and heart disease, on Wednesday he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, which has already spread to his liver. Now the family has to deal with intensified worry due to the additional fear of somehow transmitting COVID to him when visiting. We suspect he'll die within a few months, but that doesn't mean anyone would be happy if COVID killed him in the meanwhile.

None of my siblings are RWers outright refusing to wear masks or take other safety measures, but I don't feel confident that any of them have been as careful as they could. So, my husband and I worry about them infecting not only my parents, but us. And, of course, I feel guilty about that seemingly selfish concern.

My parents are life-long Democrats. I'd have said they were centrist Dems, or maybe a bit left of center, but they could not be more anti-Trump and all he stands for.

In fact, when my old Mom told me the recent story of cops pointing their guns at three black black teens in Santa Clara who'd allegedly been menaced by a knife-wielding homeless man, she said this: "Those boys were the ones who needed protection. If I'd been there, I'd have stood between them and the police. If they would've tried to shoot them, they'd have had to shoot me first."

Not that this is totally out of character for her, but still.


If Dad dies before November 3rd, he'll have been denied the opportunity to vote for Biden and against the Monster-in-Chief. If the election is decided before he dies, and Trump wins, he'll die with increased heartache. If the winner isn't decided before he dies, he'll leave this world not knowing whether our nation even stands a chance of salvation.

Of course, these facts pale in comparison to the basic fact of facing death, but they're not insignificant. We're fortunate that my parents are relatively secure financially and it's unlikely they'll go broke getting my dad a high standard of care. We, the five kids, are on less stable ground, but still are less substantially impacted by the devastation Trump has unleashed than many.

However, the fact is that this extremely sad and difficult time for our family is being made worse by him and I feel overwhelming anger about it. I could barely do so before, but I now I can't imagine I will ever forgive him or his enablers.
         

Editing to add a couple of things:

1. I'm an atheist, so I don't generally think about prayers. But Dad is a lifelong devout Catholic. I posted to the Cancer group here a couple of days ago for advice and, amidst the kind and helpful replies, some people offered prayers. I mentioned that to him, and it both surprised and pleased him.

So, I hereby solicit any and all prayers, as well as positive energy, sent his way. His initials are DEH in Hershey, PA, in case that helps.

2. I've been online for hours dealing with bills and such, so I have to take a break now. But I want to sincerely thank everyone here for the kind and supportive replies. If I don't respond to each, please know I will eventually see them and be grateful.

 

A whole lot of ORANGE MAN BAD!!!

Star Member SheltieLover (8,104 posts)

13. I know what you mean

I was there with my dad >10 years ago.

I still miss him every day but, tbh, for the 1st time, I'm glad he isn't here to see what the russian agent in the WH & enabling senate have done and continue to do to our country.

I hope your dad makes a recovery or at least lives long enough to see Joe reclaim the country!

Star Member Hekate (62,671 posts)

11. If you & he really want his ballot cast (since you brought it up)please make sure he has an absentee

...or vote by mail ballot. That way he can make his voice heard as soon as he gets it, and someone in your family can even make sure it gets to a drop-box if not to a mail-box.

All the best to you all — what a terribly painful emotional thing to go through. Have you asked him if he wants to be socially isolated now? Or if he just wants the comfort of saying farewell to those he loves, with their hugs and voices? I know what I would want, but I cannot speak for your father — just know that my heart is full for you now.

Oh, come on now... if he dies before the election he will still vote Joe...

Star Member Dark n Stormy Knight (7,143 posts)

20. Thank you. I know they have applied for their newly possible vote-by-mail in PA ballots.

His vote will be counted if at all possible!

Dad definitely wants company, but not the commotion of a lot of people at once. Try telling that to my siblings, though, some of whom are disapproving that we left before most of the others arrived, because we were trying to respect Dad's wishes. Also, we don't like all that commotion either.

Star Member babylonsister (165,372 posts)

15. It's not selfish to

not want to get sick, you or your folks. Can you all visit outside? On a deck maybe? I am glad the family knows what precautions to take, and I think open air and distancing along with masks could work infrequently. Tough call where family is concerned. I haven't hugged my sister in months and have seen her about 3 times. She lives 10 miles away. Recently she got covid but seems ok now. She's visiting tomorrow so I think a mask might be in order.
Your dad reminds me of mine. He died about a year before this pandemic; while I am glad he missed this mess, he despised mf45 with a white hot passion. I do sorely miss him because politics was a hot topic with us.
Love and strength to you and your family.

 

badhair77 (2,259 posts)

21. I am so sorry to read this.

My husband just passed at home after a brief illness. Everyone involved with hospice care was wonderful. However, in this time of covid there were no volunteers to help with basics, the staff had to spend extra time sanitizing and with face shields and masks, and the list goes on. I totally understand your holding trump accountable; I did also. I’m hoping you and your family will find some peace and reward of caring for your father. Sending uplifting vibes your way.

 

[franksolich]

Seriously now. 

While I'm sorry what's going on with the primitive's father, I suspect the primitive is unaware of the effects of cancer, and is stupidly blaming President Trump or "the system" for things out of their control.

As someone else afflicted with cancer, having been diagnosed with Stage 4 of the condition back in April 2017, I suppose I can pretty much say what happens, to both myself and the primitive's father, although I'm not familiar with his other medical conditions, as I have none of those things, just cancer.

Of course his quality of life deteriorated, he having more pain and less sociability--spending time with one's family and friends--and getting less enjoyment out of things he used to enjoy.

Like the primitive's parents, I was fortunate in that I've suffered no financial distress; in fact, at times when looking at others, I'm awed by my sheer good luck.

I fail to see what President Trump had, or has, to do with the primitive's father or myself.

Like the primitive's father, I am bound and determined to make it to at least November 3 so I can cast a loud and resounding vote for the man who saved America, Donald Trump.

[USA4ME]

Immature parents who raise immature children. It’s like these Democrat/liberal/Marxist can’t help themselves.

“How can I teach my children to be self-loathing, hate-filled, ingrates who point the finger at everyone else for their own failures and shortcomings? I know, I’ll teach them to follow Marxist ideology via the Dem party just like me!”

These post-Modernist still have the crazy belief that Stalin and Mao were just mildly bad actors in what is essentially a good system. Their lack of understanding history and learning from it is astounding.

.

[DLR Pyro]

All this hate directed at President Trump while china continues to profit from the worldwide sales of ppe to nations to protect their citizens from the virus they unleashed on the planet...

[SVPete]

Star Member Dark n Stormy Knight (7,143 posts)

Last edited Sat Aug 22, 2020, 09:42 PM - Edit history (1)

My father is dying of cancer, and that PoS in the WH has made the situation even more painful than it would have been.

In what will almost certainly turn out to have been his last half dozen months in this world, my father's quality of life has been greatly diminished by Trump and his minions. The incompetent handling of this pandemic forced him to stop working, to be confined mostly to home, and to have far less time in the company of his family than he would have ...

No, Star Moron Dark n Stormy Knight, his state's goobernor shut down the state's economy, thereby "forcing him to stop working and to be confined mostly to home". And his state's goobernor was responding to a pandemic unleashed on the world by the incompetence and deception of China's gooberment.

And unlike you, Star Moron Dark n Stormy Knight, I can support that claim with contemporaneous news stories and online Chinese government documents.

[Tess Anderson]

Karyl, your dad Donald is just following the advice of:



 

[franksolich]

Karyl, your dad Donald is just following the advice of:



 

That's a man, baby!

[Old n Grumpy]

If Dad dies before November 3rd, he'll have been denied the opportunity to vote for Biden

Dying never stopped anyone from voting democratic, even dead republicans

[SSG Snuggle Bunny]

If a politician makes you feel that way it's your own damned fault.

[67 Rover]

Ugh. Mother of god please use a warning before posting graphic photos like that. 

[landofconfusion80]

Ugh. Mother of god please use a warning before posting graphic photos like that.