I have a tale of woe that parallels your own. A tale that reaches back to the Alabama gubernatorial race of ’06. I have always wanted to present this frightening story in response to Bouncy’s in the past, but the fear I felt that day, combined with my general incompetence as a typist, has kept me silent.
Twas’ late August in Southern Alabama. A 100 degree day with 99 percent humidity. I hid in my house from the obvious Global Warming and attempted to watch a baseball game, while simultaneously feeling guilty about my carbon footprint, my consumption of GWB’s ill-gotten oil and the fact that starving children all over the world didn’t have air-conditioning.
A knock came at the door….I was afraid. Only a minion of Hell, or an illegal, would be out on a day like this. I checked my supply of Holy Water, crucifixes and ammunition at the front door before looking outside.
I peeked out the window expecting the worst. Of course, the demon came camouflaged. Standing on my front porch was a middle-aged woman, about my age, and a young teenaged girl. My blood ran cold.
I reached for the door-knob, wondering what evil I was going to invite in my house. I didn’t have to wait long to find out….It was my greatest fear, the fear that wakes my in the middle of the night screaming. It was a woman who was campaigning for her husband for the Governor’s race. And her daughter. And they were Democrats.
I froze for a brief moment in their presence. While they issued their extremely polite and non-confrontation spiel, I was reduced to politely responding “Yes Ma’am†and “No Ma’am†to their demonic message. Ultimately I accepted the brochures and campaign literature they foisted on me. The evil had entered my house.
I knew the demon had possessed me when I asked them if either of them would like a cold drink of water or lemonade, as the day was extremely hot. They declined, however the teenager asked if I had a bottled water. Bottled water???...In Southern Alabama???….obviously they sought to put a Starbuck’s next-door to me….Bastards.
Fortunately, I did have some bottled water in my fridge…bottled water purchased at WAL-MART!!!! This water, in and of it-self, was sufficient to overcome the supernatural forces at work and swing the election to Governor Riley.
THE END….or is it????
p.s. For the record, the wife and teenaged daughter of one the Democratic candidates for Alabama Governor in 2006 did visit my house on a very hot day. They were very polite and non-moonbattish. I asked them if they would like some refreshments. The daughter did ask for a water. No conversions followed. I would request that I get a +1 on the Bouncy scale due to the fact that my entire front porch is surrounded by bushes. It is, therefore, quite accurate to state that two Democrats jumped (well walked) out of bushes (well near bushes) to end up on my front porch.
