Soak the DUmp workshop

[landofconfusion80]

This thread is for educating members and moles on how to best remove those hard earned pennies from the primitives. As of lately, we have seen many of our favorite moles extract thousands of dollars from the island with just minimal scrutiny. How do these criminal mastminds do it? What do they do with their newfound wealth? Where do you start? All these questions and more will be answered here.


Step 1: create a believable story that parallels their belief system. As with any good play, keep things simple. Don't make your story anymore complicated than necessary. Have some basic hard luck narrative that couldn't have holes popped in it. Make sure the story falls in line with what they think. Some examples: money to cross state lines for a relatives abortion/ an evil republican manager at work is making things difficult/ benefits are starting to run out. Be creative, have fun with your narrative, make some money while you play!

[RuralNc]

So what you are saying, time for a tax refund. 

[franksolich]

This thread is for educating members and moles on how to best remove those hard earned pennies from the primitives. As of lately, we have seen many of our favorite moles extract thousands of dollars from the island with just minimal scrutiny. How do these criminal masterminds do it?.....

Does anyone know if gofundme allows fundraisers for abortion?

[FunkyZero]

Does anyone know if gofundme allows fundraisers for abortion?

Well lets see.... 
-1 Point - Illegal in some states
-1 Point - It's violent
-1 Point - causes a lot of minority baby deaths
+4 Points - left wing cause
total = +1 point

Yup, it'll be allowed.

[landofconfusion80]

Step 2: build your infrastructure

  Have your gofundme account ready to go before you beg. It can sometimes be beneficial to plant some seeds of despair before the official announcement, but that all depends on preference.  It would also be a good idea to create a shill bank account associated with your gofundme to collect your money in. This can always be shut down at a later date if suspicions get too numerous but won't put your fingerprints all over it like a traditional account would. It's best to have everything set up and ready to go a week in advance just to make your soaking as seemless as possible.

[CollectivismMustDie]

This thread is for educating members and moles on how to best remove those hard earned pennies from the primitives. As of lately, we have seen many of our favorite moles extract thousands of dollars from the island with just minimal scrutiny. How do these criminal mastminds do it? What do they do with their newfound wealth? Where do you start? All these questions and more will be answered here.


Step 1: create a believable story that parallels their belief system. As with any good play, keep things simple. Don't make your story anymore complicated than necessary. Have some basic hard luck narrative that couldn't have holes popped in it. Make sure the story falls in line with what they think. Some examples: money to cross state lines for a relatives abortion/ an evil republican manager at work is making things difficult/ benefits are starting to run out. Be creative, have fun with your narrative, make some money while you play!

One possible rough outline:


"My cancer is inoperable, and I need money for pain relief, please help!"   

 

[fatboy]

One possible rough outline:


"My cancer is inoperable, and I need money for pain relief, please help!"   

 

"I spilled old bong water on the carpet now my Trump humper landlord wants to deport me"
 

[landofconfusion80]

"I spilled old bong water on the carpet now my Trump humper landlord wants to deport me"
 

You are naturals!!! When somebody asks you how you got your millions years from now, tell them about your  spilled bong water!

[CollectivismMustDie]

"I spilled old bong water on the carpet now my Trump humper landlord wants to deport me"
 

[landofconfusion80]

Step 3: showtime!

  You've thought out your story, you've built your infrastructure,  you've got an exit strategy, it's time to show it to the world! You've been dropping hints that the big ask is coming and today's the day. Your story needs to be fairly long and pull on those heart strings. The more evil capitalist dogs holding you down, the better. It'll take a day or so to get this thing moving so don't get frustrated if you don't get much action right away. Always say that anything helps, but you really want those big fish. There are some very wealthy limousine liberals on DU and that's your target audience. Focus on their comments the most, although the alienated gay cousin that shares your struggles can help build your story, so obligatory thank yous will be needed as well.