Author Topic: Retirement central  (Read 1531 times)

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Offline Workover

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Retirement central
« on: February 02, 2021, 09:06:36 PM »
 You can retire to ARIZONA where…
 1.  You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade. 
 2.  You've experienced condensation on your rear-end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
 3.  You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.
4.  You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
 5.  You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.
6.  The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? -
If you’re not having fun it’s your own damn fault!

Offline Workover

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Re: Retirement central
« Reply #1 on: February 02, 2021, 09:08:16 PM »
You can retire to CALIFORNIA where… 
 1.  You make more than $450,000/yr. and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2.  The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
 3.  You know how to eat an artichoke.
4.  When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
  5.  The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.
If you’re not having fun it’s your own damn fault!

Offline Workover

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Re: Retirement central
« Reply #2 on: February 02, 2021, 09:12:14 PM »
You can retire to NEW YORK CITY where… 
 1   You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan. 
 2.  You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3.  You think Central Park is "nature.”
4.  You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
5.  You've worn out a car horn; that is, IF you have a car.
 6.  You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
If you’re not having fun it’s your own damn fault!

Offline Workover

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Re: Retirement central
« Reply #3 on: February 02, 2021, 09:13:45 PM »
You can retire to MINNESOTA where…
 1.  You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup 
 2.  Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3.  You have 17 recipes for casserole.
 4.  Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5.  The four seasons are: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Road Repair.
If you’re not having fun it’s your own damn fault!

Offline Workover

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Re: Retirement central
« Reply #4 on: February 02, 2021, 09:15:48 PM »
You can retire to THE DEEP SOUTH where...
 1.  You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.   
2  "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3.  "He needed killin " is a valid defense.
 4.  Everyone has two first names:  Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe oBob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5.  Everything is either "In yonder," "Over yonder" or "Out yonder.   
6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say "Bless his/her heart” at the end.
7. People talk about Inshoance for their car, house, etc.
If you’re not having fun it’s your own damn fault!

Offline Workover

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Re: Retirement central
« Reply #5 on: February 02, 2021, 09:16:50 PM »
You can move to COLORADO where…
  1.  You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.   
2.  You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
 3.  A pass does not involve a football or dating.
 4.  The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail
If you’re not having fun it’s your own damn fault!

Offline Workover

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Re: Retirement central
« Reply #6 on: February 02, 2021, 09:18:41 PM »
You can retire to NEBRASKA or KANSAS where…   
 1.  You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name. 
 2.  Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3.  You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
 4.  You end every sentence with a preposition;  "Where's my coat at?”
If you’re not having fun it’s your own damn fault!

Offline Workover

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Re: Retirement central
« Reply #7 on: February 02, 2021, 09:22:59 PM »
You can retire to FLORIDA where… 
1.  You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.   
2.  All purchases include a coupon of some kind, even houses and cars.
3.  Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4.  Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5.  Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
If you’re not having fun it’s your own damn fault!

Offline Eupher

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Re: Retirement central
« Reply #8 on: February 03, 2021, 03:57:16 AM »
These are good, Workover!  :rotf:

Let me offer one on Arkansas. Been living here about 3.5 years, so that makes me an expert!  :-)

You can RETIRE to Arkansas where:
  • West Memphis is a cancer that has metastasized clean across the Mississippi River. And there is no cure.
  • Tornadoes occur with such frequency they're known by name.
  • Walmart is considered a National Historic Monument.
  • Even ATF agents don't venture into the Ozarks, where the stills are still operating deep in those hollers.
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Offline enslaved1

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Re: Retirement central
« Reply #9 on: February 03, 2021, 10:03:51 AM »
You can retire to NEBRASKA or KANSAS where…   
 1.  You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name. 
 2.  Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3.  You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
 4.  You end every sentence with a preposition;  "Where's my coat at?”

As a former Kansan, I can attest to the accuracy of these, although #1 does not apply to Wichita, Lawrence, Manhattan or Topeka, the only relatively large cities in the state.  The mayors don't mingle, and you might see a news anchor at the state fair.   :rofl:
Romans 6:17-18 But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness.

Offline Workover

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Re: Retirement central
« Reply #10 on: February 05, 2021, 11:18:09 AM »
    These are good, Workover!  :rotf:

    Let me offer one on Arkansas. Been living here about 3.5 years, so that makes me an expert!  :-)

    You can RETIRE to Arkansas where:

    • Even ATF agents don't venture into the Ozarks, where the stills are still operating deep in those hollers.

    Hell, they even have their own tv show now!
    If you’re not having fun it’s your own damn fault!