the dog days of summer

[franksolich]

Absolutely, a "yes".  Gonna be fun.

By the way, to make sure you show up here the next time you're in the neighborhood, even if a state away--these aren't any original photographs, but swiped instead from the Nebraska Game & Parks Commission, and were all taken in bodies of water associated with the river here:

I dunno what kinds of fish they are; to me, a fish is a fish is a fish, but of course others have different tastes than I do, and it's all good.

[Skul]

Nice Northerns.  Catfish is good, too.

[franksolich]

Oh my, what a busy morning it’s been.

First, there was the early-morning surprise appearance of the Profile, hippyhubby Wild Bill’s estranged younger brother, followed by the business partner, coming by to inquire when I’m going to the county fair.

“Now, you’re staying here over Labor Day, right?” I asked him.

He said yes.

“Good,” I said.

- - - - - - - - - - -

Then came my guest from the other corner of the state, southwestern Nebraska, who’s been staying with a friend in town.

“I’ve hardly seen you this visit,” she said; “you’ve been grouchy, and so I spent more time with the kids, than with you.”

I pointed out she’s up here for a whole month, and there’s plenty of time, although the femme’s going to be back, and around quite a bit.

“And besides, you’re going to the fair with the rest of us tonight, remember.”

- - - - - - - - - - -

Then the neighbor, the neighbor’s wife, and their five children showed up.  They’re going to be at the fair all day, and this place is convenient for breakfasting before going there.

“Well, the sheriff let all but three of the freaks out last night,” the neighbor announced.

“He said they were scared straight now, and safe to let go.

“One would think Louie the carnival executive would be happy, but he still whined, insisting he needed the other three, to put on a good show and make up for all the money he’s lost here the past three days.”

“Who’re the three he’s still holding?” I asked.

“The freak pretending to be a cat, the bowling-ball with arms and legs, and ‘the world’s biggest drug addict,’ the one with the eggplant-shaped head.

“The first one, he said is too damned scary to be seen out in public, although he let ‘the world’s ugliest woman,’ she with the face like Hindenberg’s, out.

“The second one, well, the sheriff doesn’t care much for people who interfere with the jobs cops and firemen are trying to do, snooping around and making a nuisance of herself.  So that’s a personal thing, although she has so many warrants out for obstructing public servants and being a threat to the public safety he could probably hold her for weeks.

“The third one, he said no way in Hell; eggplant-head has w-a-a-a-a-a-y too many warrants out on him.”

- - - - - - - - - -

As the neighbor’s wife and my guest from southwestern Nebraska fixed breakfast in the kitchen--mostly eggs, sausages, and hash browns, but mine being broccoli with cheese--the rest of us congregated on the back porch.

I announced to the eager young lad that I had his hippies for him, and that they’ll be an awesome draw.

“Now, you have this all figured out, right, everybody in their place?”

No, he didn’t, so I figured it out for him.  “You’ve got seven people, but one’s an independent contractor, selling popcorn to the spectators. 

“You got two roads coming here, to where the hippies’ll be camping.  The first one, where one turns off from the highway to alongside the river, and the people’ll just drive by, to look and take pictures.  You’ll charge a dollar for that.

“The second road comes to here, after which one drives around the house and parks in the meadow, to sit and watch the hippies, for as long as they want.  You’ll charge five dollar for that.

“You’ll need two of your people to man the entrance to the riverside road, and two more in charge of the entry to the driveway here.  And then two people to ’police’ the meadow and substitute as needed for any of the four at the admission-gates.

“I suppose the last two could probably also rent out lawn-chairs to those who want to make it a day of looking at the hippies, and sell disposable cameras too, for those who didn’t bring cameras but wish they had.

“Now, what else do we have to plan for?” I asked.

- - - - - - - - - -

The eager young lad replied that everything seemed to be thought of.

“No,” I told him.  “There’s some complications that might come up, and one needs be prepared.

“The weather, of course; Saturday might be better than Friday, or Monday better than Sunday.

“So all of you’ll have to camp out in the front yard again, beginning Thursday evening; the hippies say they’ll arrive here sometime Friday morning, and they’re leaving the following Tuesday morning.

“But you don’t know how many nights you’re going to camp here.  The show’s only going to last an afternoon before the sheriff comes and kindly requests me to shut it down--but what afternoon of what day?  It depends upon the weather.  So you need to be prepared to camp out one night, two nights, three nights, or four nights; we just don’t know yet.”

He replied okay, he understood that.

- - - - - - - - - - -

“Now, there’s a big big big complication, but I’ll handle it myself,” I assured him.

“These old hippies have been here before, and this sort of thing’s happened to them before, hundreds of people driving by to look, stare, gawk, and take pictures, and they didn’t like it.

“They might be on guard for it to happen this time too, and stop it before it gets started.

“So the show has to start when they least suspect it; it has to be a sudden surprise to them.”

to be continued

[Skul]

Perhaps the youngsters could build a few observation blinds from which the locals could view the hippies.
The hippies would believe everything is good and right with the world.
For a really close look, maybe a Trojan unicorn.

[BlueStateSaint]

Perhaps the youngsters could build a few observation blinds from which the locals could view the hippies.

And in the fall, deer hunters could use them!

[franksolich]

Against my better judgement, I agreed to go to the county fair this morning after breakfast, along with everybody else, rather than waiting until this evening.

The deal is, for the deaf, “motion,” “light,” and “color” are “noise,” and if there’s too much going on, it can give one a headache, just like real noise gives hearing people headaches.

But…..but…..but being a nice guy, I went along.

The eager young lad insisted upon showing me around (as if I hadn’t seen it all before), but was most interested in seeing the horses, as one of his 11-year-old sisters is in it, and his mother, the neighbor’s wife, of course is an avid horsewoman.

The business partner also went along, as horses are his main interest…..and his main business.

Bored with that, I quietly left the other two and quickly skimmed over the other animals.

What freaked me out was the array of chickens on exhibit; there were the usual standard run-of-the-mill chickens, white with red beards, the mainstay of the dinner table, but there were also some pretty odd ones.

The business partner and the eager young lad rejoined me, and we walked around looking at various sorts of competition and shows.

The eager young lad wanted to do the carnival-rides-and-cotton-candy thing--by this time, we’d been joined by the neighbor with his two youngest children and the wife of the neighbor’s older brother with all four of hers--and so I graciously took my leave, reminding them I’d be back about eight this evening, for the start of the finale of the freak show.

- - - - - - - - - - -

On my way back to my car, I stopped in front of the freak show tent, where Louie “the Nose” was manning the admission booth, sweat on his forehead as he counted the receipts.

“It’s better,” he admitted to me; “I’m able to get three bucks per, now that I have most of the freaks back.”

The freaks were inside, doing their usual stunts--the three-legged woman getting married to the three-armed man, the Profile ministering and the striped man escorting the bride; the fat twins Ebony and Ivory competing in a pie-eating contest; the giant and the dwarf wrestling; the pineapple-headed freak being a dork; the “world’s biggest drunkard” delivering a boring monologue; &c., &c. &c.

As I was passing by, the “world’s ugliest woman,” she with a face like Hindenberg’s, was doing a seductive belly-dance.

“But I wish I had those three other freaks here,” Louie said, “the ones the sheriff’s still holding.

“I could probably get four bucks per admission, if they were here.”

But you’ll have your two star attractions tonight, “and get five bucks each, then.”

“Do you really suppose people’ll pay five bucks tonight, with the surfer-boy from Connecticut, ‘the world’s most narcissistic person,’ and the Minnesota Mammaries, on stage?”

“Hell, if those jugs are real,” I assured him, “you could get ten bucks a head, easy.

“But they have to be real; fake’s not going to get you a wooden nickel.”

to be continued

[franksolich]

Well, it ended up a big disappointment.

I headed to the county fair about 8:00 p.m., hoping to examine the 84”-38”-41” Minneosta Mammaries to see if those were real, which they probably aren’t, but upon meeting everybody else in front of the freak show trailer, was advised she wasn’t going to show, because she and the surfer-boy freak from Connecticut had car problems over in Iowa while driving here.

Louie “The Nose” Macellaio had connections, though, who came through for him, and still managed to draw in standing-room-crowds-only with this:

Ho-hum.  I went back home to bed.

to be continued