Truly Mad Brags About His Nude Selfie

[Dori]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10025473922

trumad (37,196 posts)

A story of about my one and done Nude Selfie---that almost turned into an epic disaster.

This story is to be used for educational material. If you are prone to Gag Reflex please read at own risk. Keep children and small farm animals away from this post. Do not try this at home unless you have weird and perverted tendencies. 

Ready?

A couple of years back I woke up from a good nights sleep and was stunned at what lay before me. As most men know, we wake up with a nice surprise below the sheets. AND as most men know-- ya simply gotta pee.

Anyhow-- I was shocked. It was like a dream had come true--- rare but beautiful dream. Was I Alien abducted during the night and was this their way of playing a practical joke on me.

Needless to say I had to capture the moment. I reached over to my nightstand, grabbed my cell phone, opened the camera App, focused---and then took my first and last nude selfie.

I then opened the picture and there it was--- the most hideous and frightening thing I've ever seen. (Gag Reflex here it comes)

I've never been that photogenic.

After recovering from the close up monstrosity, I deleted the picture and never looked back.

UNTIL a year later---my 19 year old daughter asked me if I still had a picture of her and one of her girlfriends. I said sure Honey---it's on my Photobucket. (To those who don't know Photobucket--it's a service that uploads your pictures to the cloud as soon as you take the picture). YES---I had the Photobucket App on my cellphone.

So here I am, looking for my daughters picture, her sitting next to me---Daughter and Daddy together.

I'm scrolling looking for her picture and then --BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!!!

There it was---in all it's glory---one-eyed Jack looking like Keith Richards.

By the fortune of God, Buddha, Mohammed and every other Ghost out there--my daughter was distracted by her Mother--she turned away at the very moment Jack appeared. Possibly the fastest delete in the history of the Tubes. If she did see it her therapy would have cost me thousands.

Here is the lesson for today Boy's and Girls.

You take a picture on your phone and you want to delete it--Ya better make sure ---if you have Cloud service---that you deleted from there as well. I know better and I still made that mistake. The Celebs that are caught up the last couple of days in the nude selfie scandal most likely made the same mistake I did. All it takes is for some douchebag to get your user name and password and they got your shit.

So there you go---trumad's nude selfie story. Now go throw up.

tru

itsrobert (10,736 posts)

2. I tried the selfie thing
 
but I couldn't get the phone/camera far back enough to get the full image.

leftstreet (26,475 posts)

4. SHUT DU DOWN!!!111

GusBob (233 posts)

12. jesus dude way TMI
 
Did you have to include who ya almost showed the pic to? You could say "someone who didn't need to see"

I get the moral of your story but discretion is the better part of valor. The story is puke worthy enough no need to include that person in the visual

Star Member A HERETIC I AM (13,137 posts)

18. 233 posts in 4 years, and you decided this was the subject for today?
 
Seriously?

Really?

I thought the OP was well written and humorous.

I get the moral of your story but discretion is the better part of valor. The story is puke worthy enough no need to include that person in the visual


"Puke worthy"? The fact that Trumad was discussing his morning wood and taking a pic of it is 'Puke Worthy'?!? REALLY?

Sheesh. 

undeterred (34,219 posts)

15. Sounds like something a 12 year old boy would do.

[USA4ME]

itsrobert

2. I tried the selfie thing but I couldn't get the phone/camera far back enough to get the full image.

No arms, a big gut, or both. You decide.

.

[JohnnyReb]

No arms, a big gut, or both. You decide.

.

Foodstamps (EBT card) should come with a government warning label.

[catsmtrods]

Probably scaled, pimpled, puss-bucket!
 

[Ogre]

No arms, a big gut, or both. You decide.

I'm going with both.

[I_B_Perky]

What I got from his story:  Trumad has trouble getting a woody. And he just told the whole wide internet about it. 

[franksolich]

What I got from his story:  Trumad has trouble getting a woody. And he just told the whole wide internet about it. 

The truemud primitive's owned by his wife.

You get what I mean, I hope.

[miskie]

The primitive does have a point uhh - made a cogent statement about cloud storage. We discovered the same thing, but use it to our advantage.

For example, I use Dropbox, and the two of my kids who are old enough for cellphones are required to have it installed as well - that way their mother and I get a copy of EVERY picture and video they take. We made it clear to them they have no expectation of privacy, and if they either delete or disable Dropbox and the other apps I have installed to insure they have no privacy on their phones, I delete the phones from their possession. 

We see their pictures.
We track their locations.
The wife reads their text messages.