Congratulations! to the winner of the “Willie,†the William Rivers Pitt award given the most-memorable primitive.
This category includes
all primitives who were on Skins’s island from its emergence from the seas January 20, 2001, to the present day; not just this past year.
Past winners were:
2014 DainBramaged
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php?topic,99945.02013 undergroundpanther
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,93426.02012 Alan Grayson
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,81951.02011 nadinbrzezinski
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,68141.02010 BouncyBall (tie)
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,53140.02010 William Pitt (tie)
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,53140.02009 TomInTib
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,38060.0- - - - - - - - - -
There were three contenders for the award—it’s a one-time deal only, remember—were the late Chief S itting Bull, the bird-smacking stoned red-faced primitive “Redstone,†the perpetually-high “Taverner†primitive, and the big guy from Bellevue, “Omaha Steve.â€
Alas, Chief S itting Bull, who’s been nominated and voted upon the past several years—in fact, since the invention of the “Willieâ€â€”didn’t make the cut again, even though the late Redstone’s one of the finest examples of DUmmiedom ever to be on Skins’s island. One assumes he failed again because he’s rather ancient history now, having died by his own hand several years ago.
And the drug-addled Taverner failed again, on his second run for the award. He was tossed off Skins’s island a couple of years ago, and while many remember him fondly, he just never became as popular as the winner of this year’s award.
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It’s possible the big guy from Bellevue, Omaha Steve, won by garnering a substantial sympathy vote from decent and civilized people; after all, he’s terminal, and being people of good will, one wishes him to win at least something,
anything, before he springs loose of this mortal coil.
The big guy’s memorable for a lot of things, but most of all for his campaign in May 2012, during the primary selection for the Bellevue City Council. He was a little slow in getting up his platform, and friends of his, concerned he might be too late, put one up for him, written by his own hand and spaken by his own mouth.
Right now, the big guy’s been making much hay about the fact that he’s “terminalâ€â€”a condition that, apparently unknown to him, is universal to each and every member of the human race. I mean, from the very moment of emergence from the womb, we all start dying, each day of our lives nightly pitching our tent one day’s march nearer the mausoleum.
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What I, personally, always found most trying about the big guy—besides that he makes the rest of we Nebraskans look bad—is his bull-headed insistence that he’s bright, when in fact he’s not.
How wise the man who understands his limitations.
And there’s, for another example, his propensity to charge full steam ahead on something, assuming he knows all he needs to know, and to Hell with what anybody else—especially franksolich—thinks.
The guy’s a train wreck hurtling down the tracks rushing headlong into this and into that, and still he keeps going. He makes his fellow primitive Atman look a paragon of self-control.
And then there’s his habit of alleging something has happened, when in fact nothing’s happened at all, and he’s merely hoping it
will happen…..and it
will happen if he wishes hard enough.
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And there’s the way he treats his long-suffering wife, poor dear Marta.
In case one’s not aware, the big guy and poor dear Marta have been married more than forty years, during which time Marta steadfastly labored to bring home the bacon, while the big guy spent more energy and hopes looking for a free ride on the disability gravy-train, than in working. On good week, he might’ve brought home a 99-cent package of fried pork rinds.
Upon becoming eligible to draw a city pension generously provided by the hard-pressed taxpayers of Omaha, rather than selecting the plan most beneficial to poor dear Marta, he greedily grabbed at the plan that pays the most in the shortest length of time, meaning that after the big guy terminalizes, his widow will be left…..nothing at all.
That’s Steve, always thinking of himself, first and only, and nobody else.
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A couple of years ago, franksolich, concerned for the longevity of two primitives in particular, the obese big guy in Bellevue and the hefty LynneSin primitive, suggested they both embark upon a special diet, to rid themselves of surplus gross poundage.
The act of dining upon celery consumes more calories than the calories in the celery itself, and so I suggested they both go on a 100%-celery diet in which, no matter how much they ate, they’d inevitably lose weight. So long as it was just celery.
The big guy, never mindful of franksolich’s advice and counsel, has consistently gained weight.
The LynneSin primitive,
mirabile dictu, miracle of miracles, actually paid attention to franksolich, and is currently slim and svelte and wasp-waisted.
Really. I kid you not.
Alas, the big guy’ll never learn. franksolich has his best interests at heart.
next up, some time this week, the franksolich for 2015, given the primitive overlooked in the top DUmmies voting; a primitive who earned top DUmmiehood this past year, but didn't get it