Author Topic: How Rock Band saved my marriage  (Read 1704 times)

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Offline RobJohnson

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How Rock Band saved my marriage
« on: May 27, 2008, 03:56:18 PM »
We live in a two-room apartment. Next door, the neighbor bangs on the shared kitchen wall, the pounding muffled by drywall. "Quiet!"

Finally, Ben looks up. "Sorry, baby. It's the noise-canceling headphones."

Ah yes, the noise-canceling headphones. You could lock Rush Limbaugh, Phyllis Schlafly and Mullah Omar in a room together with a stack of Hustlers and 10 ounces of meth, and they couldn't come up with anything more misogynist. I storm back to my desk and type the phrases "my husband" "addicted" "video games" "HELP" into the search engine. Hundreds of links appear.


I click on another page, where a forum of concerned women instruct me to regain Ben's attention by walking around the house dressed in skimpy outfits and waggling my hips provocatively. One enterprising poster, aptly named Cyberhottie69, even suggests draping one's naked breasts somewhere impossible to miss -- like the coffee table, or on his head, like a doughy, undulating hat.

The angle Ben is sitting at makes this impossible, but I sit beside him on the couch, unzip my hoodie to reveal the lacy top of my bra, and press my breasts firmly against his bicep.

"Baby!" he swats me away. "I'm killing Nazis here! I'm saving our people!" His eyes are alight with righteous anger...


"If you don't stop playing that game right now, I'm filing for divorce!" I holler. He can't hear me. You know, the headphones.

But this was all BRB, Before Rock Band.

I love it," I say, tired but exuberant. "My hands are killing me." Still smiling, he reaches for me, and gently kisses my blistered palm. "Let's take a break."

"No!" I cry. "I need more practice on 'Enter Sandman'!"

Ben cocks his eyebrow. "Well, I'm going to bed. I guess you can borrow my headphones if you want."