For the past 40 years I have been very niggardly about using the "N" word.....but I think I'll bust out and use it more often now.
I wasn't pretending to be virtuous, when I said I've never used the word before, either spoken or written.
I've known a lot of decent and civilized people who've used the word.
On the other hand, I've known a lot of people who never used the world, and smugly wear it as a badge of virtue, as if their non-use of the word atones for all their non-virtues. I imagine Vast Teddy is a good example of this sort of person.
It's called "cultural sensitivity," on my part.
If a person uses the word, the first thing that comes to mind is that the person grew up in a different time and place than I did, and may, or may not, have very good and practical reasons for using the word.
In my instance, I've only ever had fleeting contact with those sorts of people the word is used. This is Nebraska; when it comes to minorities, I've dealt with Texans and those of Vietnamese derivation, mostly, and well.
In Lincoln and Omaha, I've worked under, with, and was the supervisor of, various black people--maybe about 40, in three jobs--and never met a bad one. Earlier, in college, I had a black roommate, from Kansas City, for a little over two years (ours was the "party house" on campus, and there usually were about six of us), what looked to be a good friendship, but then he got addicted to weed, and apathetically threw away a great future in computers and music, and later became one of the Rev. Moon's Moonies.
Playing the role of the "guitarman" primitive on Skins's island, who has that "black" "friend," I suppose I can say I have one at the moment, out here in the unpopulated Sandhills of Nebraska, a 40-year-old guy who drops in here about once a week, and we sit around and talk about women and his business (masonry repair and restoration). That's been going on for about four years now.
So on the whole, my non-use of the word is simply because of a lack of exposure to the people whom the word describes, not because of any virtue of mine.
When the word comes out of someone who grew up, and lives in, a wholly different culture than mine, it's a cause of no worry or concern for me.