The Conservative Cave
The Bar => Comedy Central => Topic started by: Workover on February 17, 2021, 09:56:21 PM
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You transplants who are new to Texas, are about to experience “Texas Winter”. This is 6 or 7 days of cold, maybe some ice and snow. The weatherman will threaten snow. It may snow, it may not and if the weatherman says 2 inches it could be 10 or it could be 1/2”. It doesn’t matter how much snow it is, we’ll all freak out because we don’t see snow often.
The threat of snow (or ice) from the weatherman is your prompt to head to the grocery store and buy milk, eggs and bread. It doesn’t matter if you need these items. It’s just what we do. Everyone in town will be there.
You’ll also need to make a mad dash for faucet covers and finding them and getting out of the store will be like an episode of the hunger games. You’re in the redneck district.
Don’t look for a sled. You won’t find one. In the rare chance we get enough ice or snow to sled grab some cardboard or a trash can lid and go find the nearest hill. Yes, we know it’s not a hill. You live in the flatland, just go with it. You’ll be alarmed by the fact that you’re “sledding” towards a bar ditch, fence or maybe into a farm to market road. Just go with it. You’ll be fine.
We don’t have equipment to handle the winter and weather. The roads will be a mess and even though the state has been telling you for a week they’re ready, they’re not and it won’t work. Just stay home if you can and if you can’t just come to terms with the fact that nobody here knows how to drive in snow and ice.
Whatever you do, DO NOT talk about snow tires.
If you happen to slide off the road or get stuck, turn your flashers on, take a deep breath and wait. Two guys in a four wheel drive truck will be along in no time to offer assistance. Don’t try to help them, they live for this stuff, and will do what they can to get you back on the road. If either one of them screams “hey y’all watch this” just get back and get your phone out and start recording, you’ll probably have a viral video. Also of note, when they offer you beer and deer sticks, don’t be rude, take them and smile.
No matter what you do, don’t talk about how they did it back home in any of these scenarios. Nobody cares. You live in Texas now, Texans know they live in the greatest state in the country and it’s our way or the highway.
When we act like we’re going to die and start to complain about the 7 days of winter just shut up, we’re serious and we don’t care how much you love it. We don’t.
You’ll be back in shorts and flip flops in a week to ten days and it’ll be nice until right around Easter.
Texas “second winter” will be 2 or 3 days and will hit right around Easter, usually the week before or the week after. This will hit right around the time you plant flowers and a garden. We know you’re not from around here when we see you’ve planted flowers before Easter and before the “second winter” has hit.
This is why all the people at the nursery don’t sound like us when you’re shopping for plants. We know better.
During second winter it’ll go from 70 to 25 and you’ll experience all four seasons in one day. This too shall pass, get used to it and when second winter is over you can enjoy the 3-4 weeks of “spring” before summer gets here and it’ll be melt your face off hot until sometime around Halloween.
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:rotf:
Some of those qualities have rubbed off here in Arkansas.
I'm from "up north" and I've seen a helluva lot more snow at one time than what we've received over these past few days, but that doesn't mean I like it. I left "up north" for a reason, and being dumped on by pretty snowflakes ain't my idea of fun.
At all.
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Especially for you & your fellow Texans, Workover ...
See my new sig line below. :texas:
Hugs ~ ABC
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In truth the worst place to be is in the south half of Texas in these situations. No snow but repeated rotations of rain, freezing rain, sleet and a mild warming. I’ve seen ice an inc think or more on exposed surfaces of roads, vehicles and infrastructure. It wasn’t the humidity but the temperature.
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Wow, this brings back memories to my freshman year of college in TX (February 1989) when a similar storm hit. Us Midwestern natives knew better than even attempting to drive on roads that hadn't been pre-treated, much less plowed.
When we needed beer (part of a 18-19 year old's normal dietary intake) and other essentials, we walked to the Texaco or 7/11.
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In truth the worst place to be is in the south half of Texas ...
The Biden admin thanks you for that info Workover, and are making plans for our exalted president to come to Texas sometime soon to the *best place to be* ...
To bestow his benevolence upon all, just as soon as his handlers finish up writing the words for him to read from the teleprompters. :lol:
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By 100% accident (or serendipity) I who am a Dallasite had to be in the Los Angeles area this week. It was pretty cold when we left last Saturday.
All week we have been getting the reports of traffic accidents by the score (Texans do not believe the laws of physics apply to them when driving in ANY weather conditions) and watching the snow pile up on our deck via our security cams. The attached neighbors (we live in a condo) have had pipes break but as we are in the middle it looks like so far so good.
We also are a block from the local fire station so we seem to be on a special part of the electrical grid. We have had many messages from friends with no power.
In the meantime we drove the convertible Mustang up the coast with the top down this week LOL.
I was born and raised in So Cal and as great the weather here is, the rest is complete insanity: $4.11/gal gasoline, 10% sales tax, pretty much all groceries 30% more than in Dallas, etc. It was a good tradeoff. We have been perfectly happy in North Texas for 10 years and until the damn Californians who are NOT Conservative rui it here like they have Austin and South and Central Dallas.
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Good post!
KC
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Next up in SE Texas is a massive food shortage. Food ruined in refrigerators and store shelves when they had no power. Folks couldn’t get out to buy more and they were broke anyway. Stores are not receiving stock or supplies out here in ‘the boonies’. Residents of disabled homes and the barrios are the worst shape. The local food bank who delivered 179 million meals last year has nothing left on the shelf to give. They were able to deliver hot beef stew to one complex where everyone was in a wheelchair, on crutches, missing limbs and other similar conditions.
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This part may well affect everybody here. Four of Texas’ largest refineries are discovering widespread damage from the deep freeze that crippled the state this week and expect to be down for weeks of repairs and half of the Permian Basin’s production is offline for an ‘undetermined time.
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This part may well affect everybody here. Four of Texas’ largest refineries are discovering widespread damage from the deep freeze that crippled the state this week and expect to be down for weeks of repairs and half of the Permian Basin’s production is offline for an ‘undetermined time.
Yup. I haven't been out and about a whole lot for obvious reasons, but in this section of central Arkansas, gasoline prices went from $2.199 to $2.359 pretty much overnight. That is, if you can get around at all. It's taken these two days since the last arctic blast just to kinda shake off the blizzard.
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If you wear insulated boots and flip flops in the same week you might live in Texas.
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If you wear insulated boots and flip flops in the same week you might live in Texas.
You are so correct, Workover ...
Our son & his family live in McKinney Tx and tomorrow is supposed to be 71 in the afternoon! Can you believe? :rotf:
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This part may well affect everybody here. Four of Texas’ largest refineries are discovering widespread damage from the deep freeze that crippled the state this week and expect to be down for weeks of repairs and half of the Permian Basin’s production is offline for an ‘undetermined time.
We're used to annual "refineries are down for maintenance" price hikes. We expect them to be amplified by Joe Stolin's energy policies.
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We're used to annual "refineries are down for maintenance" price hikes. We expect them to be amplified by Joe Stolin's energy policies.
Ive been here sine 1970 and I don’t think all four of these have been down at the same time or for as long as they predict. Not all stations have been resupplied yet.