A man carries a sheep into the bedroom...

[asdf2231]

A man carries a sheep into the bedroom where his wife is reading in bed and says "I just wanted you to see the cow that I have to make myself have sex with when you have a "Headache"."

His wife snorts and says "If you weren't such a ****in' idiot you would realize thats a SHEEP not a COW!"

He smiles at her and says "If you weren't such a self centered bitch you might have realized I was talking to the sheep."

[mamacags]

 

[Chris_]

What do you call a guy with a sheep under each arm?
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A Playboy

[vesta111]

What do you call a guy with a sheep under each arm?
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A Playboy

AOL had an interesting story about an old lady that found a neighbor BOTHERING her horse in the barn.   She called the police and the man was found guilty of --Buggering term for you know what, and put on some kind of probation.

 A year later the same woman noticed her horse was developing some kind of an infection, You know where, and again called the cops.

This time the cops would not listen to her as they could not believe the neighbor could possibly be sneaking into her barn again and spending time with the same horse.

The feisty old lady sets up nanny cams in the barn and sure enough catches the neighbor messing with a very unhappy horse.

This time she does not call the cops, she stakes out the barn with a loaded shot gun. After 3 days the love struck neighbor returned to visit the center of his affection and the old lady chased the man down to his truck--held him at gun point until the police arrived.

Now it is said that the people in town are unhappy that she handled things as she did, they all want to know why she didn't shoot him.

I kind of have to agree with the town, had she taken out both knee caps, it would make it easier to catch the dude when released from prison when he got another Yen for horse meat.



 

[Chris_]

An eskimo's car breaks down in West Virginia. The mechanic says to the eskimo you blew a seal and the eskimo  says to him so what you fu*k sheep.

[LC EFA]

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts ?


Sheep can hear a zipper at 1000 paces.
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An Australian , An American and a New Zealander are walking down a road when they spot a sheep caught in a fence.

Says the Aussie - I wish that was Kylie Minogue
Says the American - I wish that was Pamela Anderson
Says the New Zealander - I Wish it was dark...
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What's the definition of "safe sex in New Zealand" - Branding the sheep that kick

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An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a small town and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun.

Ventriloquist: "G'day bloke! Good looking dog, mate. Mind if I speak to him?"

Kiwi: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."

Ventriloquist: "Hey dog, how's it going old mate?"

Dog: "Doin' alright."

The Kiwi gets a look of extreme shock on his face.

Ventriloquist: "Is this Kiwi your owner?", pointing at the Kiwi.

Dog: "Yep."

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

The Kiwis expression of disbelief doesn't change.

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Kiwi: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think."

Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool."

The Kiwi gets even more shocked.

Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?"

Horse: "Yep."

Ventriloquist: "How's he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."

Now the Kiwi has a look of total amazement on his face.

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

To which the Kiwi replied, "The sheep's a liar."

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How does a  New Zealander find sheep in long grass?

Irresistable

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