It's a slow, dark, cold Saturday evening--at least here in the Sandhills of Nebraska--and so I thought I'd start my series on various Primitives of Prominence, the primitive as he paints himself.
Words are like paint; one can draw "pictures" with words.
If any primitives are upset by the "pictures" we have of them, it's their own fault, because all we're doing is looking at what they themselves have painted; we didn't paint them, the primitives did.
Such as the never-to-be-forgotten image of the sparkling husband primitive sitting on the commode in the bathroom in the basement, to which his wife has consigned him, or the ridiculous image of El Stupido Supremo, looking very much like a South American generalissimo, walking around roaring and thundering, the coat ostentatiously covered with medals and other bric-a-brac.....the only problem being, El Stupido Supremo is strutting around without any pants or anything else, below the waist.
These are self-portraits of the primitives, painted by they themselves.
And so if they look unflattering, they've got only themselves to blame.
The warped primitive, the "Warpy" primitive, is a femme, allegedly nearing 60 years of age, but not there yet (as many other primitives already are), allegedly a nurse, allegedly originally from Massachusetts but now in New Mexico.
There is no reason to doubt the warped primitive on any of those things; I'm not quite sure what sort of nurse she is (CNA, LPN, RN), but I rather suspect she's a bona fide RN, given the breadth and depth of knowledge she betrays on Skins's island.
I'm rather fond of the warped primitive; other than her politics and her Hatred of Humanity, she strikes me as an okay person. Bitter, yes, but because I'm deaf, I find it easy to ignore such characteristics.
The advice the warped primitive gives, like that of Grandma with the diverted intestine, in the cooking forum, the frugal living forum, the rural folks' forum, and the do-it-yourself forum, on Skins's island, is good; I find myself endorsing more than 90% of it (although Grandma with the diverted intestine has an even higher approval rating).
One can't go wrong viewing the self-portrait of the warped primitive through those forums, ignoring her silly outbursts of stupidity and Hate on other parts of Skins's island.
The warped primitive is a rather mannish-looking woman; or, as used to be said of such women, "solidly built" or "big-boned." Perhaps she even has some facial hair, and even more likely, a deep voice.
The warped primitive is the sort of person I'd want to have on my side during a feisty bar-room brawl, or when the motor vehicle needs shoved out of the snow.
The tragedy of the warped primitive is that she is a woman, a normal usual average standard woman; a woman who needed to be assured she is beautiful or lovely or exquisite or charming.
But no one ever told her that, seeing her as something less aesthetic instead.
Now, it's rather silly, but women DO put great stock by kind words about their appearance, and a few simple kind words can change their lives. They need those few simple kind words about how lovely they are; otherwise they get bitter and angry and end up Hating all of Humanity; i.e., primitivish.
It's what I call "franksolich's primitive-prophylactic," and I've been using it ever since I was a little lad. It's so easy to say words, even if one strains to find something attractive in an ugly woman (notice, please, I am NOT saying the warped primitive is an ugly woman).
Any decent and civilized person, upon observing a monstrously unattractive woman, can always find something beautiful, and be utterly sincere about it (it's not good to be insincere)--to remind her that she has pretty eyes, or an engaging smile, or a pleasant demeanour.
Such kind words, sincerely spoken, can change lives. I've seen it happen.
Also, it's a good primitive-preventative.
For as long as I've lived, I've never encountered a woman so unattractive that I couldn't find anything at all attractive about her. (Well, actually, some years ago I met one who stumped me, but I looked and looked and looked, and finally told her that she had the most evenly-spaced nostrils I'd ever seen.)
Thus the tragedy of the warped primitive; no man ever told her there was something lovely, something nice, about her.....which could've changed her life, making her more positive about politics and Humanity.
(Of course, what God thinks of one trumps all, but that flies over the head of most primitives with low self-esteem.)
The warped primitive, even in her most common-sensical moments, painting a self-portrait with her own words as the paint, can however be silly at times, such as when discussing food "allergies."
The warped primitive appears to be "allergic" to things good for her, but surprisingly never allergic to things bad for her. She's allegedly "allergic" to milk, but not to chocolate.
That of course is a common characteristic of the hypochondrial primitives; they're always "allergic" to things good for them, but never allergic to things bad for them.
This surprises--and disappoints--me greatly, because remember, the warped primitive is a nurse, most likely a well-educated RN, and surely the warped primitive is well aware of the psychosomatic causes of many "problems."
But then I remember the age of the warped primitive, and think back circa 50 years, when the warped primitive was a little lass in a dress and pigtails, sitting at the dining-room table, temper-tantruming "I DON'T WANT MILK! I HATE MILK! I WANT POP! I HATE MILK! I WANT POP!"
And then probably a little later, the Reader's Digest printed something about "lactose intolerance," and as the house in which the warped primitive grew up probably took that publication, the warped primitive grabbed onto it, as an excuse to not have to drink milk.
The Reader's Digest was notorious for this, about the same time the warped primitive was a little lass; always inventing diseases and problems that had never existed before in the whole history of mankind.
And of course it's reasonable to assume the warped primitive at this stage of her life spent much time in front of the black-and-white television, absorbing all of these commercials for soda.
I'm truly puzzled by this phenomenon, of which the warped primitive is a good example; why primitives are "allergic" to things good for them, but not allergic to things bad for them.
But.....we're all human, we all have our frailties and stupidities, and so here we have the self-portrait of the warped primitive, as painted by herself.
