Author Topic: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object  (Read 652 times)

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Offline BamaMoose

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DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« on: July 11, 2021, 04:28:11 AM »
One of my guilty pleasures is reading DU threads where they get completely perplexed over some minor home or auto maintenance issue.  This thread just cracked me up.

Quote
Star Member Ocelot II (94,733 posts)

I really screwed myself this time...

I bought one of those mattresses that comes in a box and you unroll it and let it expand. This one (supposedly) weighs 60 lbs. I was able to get it up the porch steps, into the house, out of the box and up a couple of stairs - but no farther. It's just too heavy and awkward, and now it's just sitting there on the stairs. In order to make room for it I'd already dragged the old mattress downstairs and out to the alley for solid-waste pickup, itself an endeavor that took a lot of time and effort, since there were a number of right angles involved. Now I just have a bed frame with no mattress on it and so no place to sleep except for a couch that's too short, and a heavy rolled-up mattress on the stairs.

So I went to the hardware store to see if I could find a mechanical solution. The hardware guy, who looked to be about fourteen, had never heard of a block and tackle. Seriously. He took me to the bait and tackle section. So I went to Home Despot (yes, I know) and bought a pulley, a hook and some rope. I hope to be able to haul the thing up the stairs, where after that I should be able to drag it to the bed frame.

Nothing is ever simple.

A pulley, a hook and a rope?  I would love to see a video of this operation.  This is paver block/chicken wire level engineering.  And, of course, it goes without saying that this DUmmie hasn't a single friend or relative that would come help her.  Amazing how completely alienating yourself from every person around you can somehow have adverse effects.

https://www.democraticunderground.com/10181530058

Offline 67 Rover

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #1 on: July 11, 2021, 05:54:05 AM »
One of my guilty pleasures is reading DU threads where they get completely perplexed over some minor home or auto maintenance issue.  This thread just cracked me up.

A pulley, a hook and a rope?  I would love to see a video of this operation.  This is paver block/chicken wire level engineering.  And, of course, it goes without saying that this DUmmie hasn't a single friend or relative that would come help her.  Amazing how completely alienating yourself from every person around you can somehow have adverse effects.

https://www.democraticunderground.com/10181530058

Clearly this DUmmie just needs a come-along with one end anchored to the upstairs thermostat or possibly around one of the MJ plants in its indoor grow operation. Easy peasey! :popcorn:
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Offline USA4ME

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #2 on: July 11, 2021, 06:58:43 AM »
I blame Biden.

.
Because third world peasant labor is a good thing.

Offline Texacon

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #3 on: July 11, 2021, 07:47:39 AM »
Clearly this DUmmie just needs a come-along with one end anchored to the upstairs thermostat or possibly around one of the MJ plants in its indoor grow operation. Easy peasey! :popcorn:


 :rofl:

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Offline SVPete

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #4 on: July 11, 2021, 07:56:39 AM »
... And, of course, it goes without saying that this DUmmie hasn't a single friend or relative that would come help her.  Amazing how completely alienating yourself from every person around you can somehow have adverse effects.
...

QFT! This was my first thought, to get a friend or neighbor to help. How badly has she alienating everyone who knows her that she knows that no one within 10 or 20 miles of her would come over to help and have a chat?
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Offline Karin

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #5 on: July 11, 2021, 08:12:14 AM »
Quote
Star Member Ocelot II (94,733 posts)

3. I don't have anyone right now that I could call


Quote
Star Member Ocelot II (94,733 posts)

23. Neighbor to the west is another old lady.

Neighbor to the east is a butthole.

 :lmao:  We never find out in the thread if the engineering worked or not. 

Offline BannedFromDU

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #6 on: July 11, 2021, 08:48:24 AM »

     This problem could be solved in something less than three minutes if the DUmmy had a friend, or even an acquaintance. Notice how no DUmmies are offering to come to her assistance. Ha.
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Offline ADsOutburst

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #7 on: July 11, 2021, 08:51:03 AM »
:lmao:  We never find out in the thread if the engineering worked or not.

Would you expect anything else from leftists?

Stop talking about whether our engineering worked!!!

Offline FunkyZero

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #8 on: July 11, 2021, 10:19:26 AM »
Quote
"Neighbor to the east is a butthole"

= I saw him wearing a MAGA hat and I'd rather fall down the stairs and break a hip than ask him... 

DUmmy hate rules over them

Offline USA4ME

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #9 on: July 11, 2021, 12:13:59 PM »
The primitive is simply an idiot. It purchased a product that you know good and well it could have found out how much the mattress weighed. Now it’s a simple matter of can you lift 60 lbs and carry it up the stairs or not? If you can, great. If you can’t or you’re not sure, then plan ahead.

These are the same dimwits who want to have the greatest say in society who can’t even perform the most simple of tasks or think in advance. And then they’re surprised when anyone worth anything doesn’t care what they have to say.

.
« Last Edit: July 11, 2021, 03:36:58 PM by USA4ME »
Because third world peasant labor is a good thing.

Offline Ralph Wiggum

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #10 on: July 11, 2021, 02:12:08 PM »
Liberals have the strange obsession with blaming inanimate objects rather than people.  This has nothing to do with mattress clown, just in general about the media and libs.

If a someone crashes a car, liberals blame the car, not the person.  As Rush used to laugh at, headlines often would be "SUV crashes into crowd".  Was the vehicle driving itself?  Idiotic and lazy language.  It is used to force a certain narrative.  Absolutely their same crappy arguments about guns.

And on that note, a little Navin R. Johnson:

https://youtu.be/eXRM3lFRwRI
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Offline Ptarmigan

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #11 on: July 11, 2021, 07:41:23 PM »
Quote
Star Member Ocelot II (94,733 posts)

I really screwed myself this time...

I bought one of those mattresses that comes in a box and you unroll it and let it expand. This one (supposedly) weighs 60 lbs. I was able to get it up the porch steps, into the house, out of the box and up a couple of stairs - but no farther. It's just too heavy and awkward, and now it's just sitting there on the stairs. In order to make room for it I'd already dragged the old mattress downstairs and out to the alley for solid-waste pickup, itself an endeavor that took a lot of time and effort, since there were a number of right angles involved. Now I just have a bed frame with no mattress on it and so no place to sleep except for a couch that's too short, and a heavy rolled-up mattress on the stairs.

So I went to the hardware store to see if I could find a mechanical solution. The hardware guy, who looked to be about fourteen, had never heard of a block and tackle. Seriously. He took me to the bait and tackle section. So I went to Home Despot (yes, I know) and bought a pulley, a hook and some rope. I hope to be able to haul the thing up the stairs, where after that I should be able to drag it to the bed frame.

Nothing is ever simple.

DUmmies. Case closed.  :mental:
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Offline landofconfusion80

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #12 on: July 11, 2021, 08:24:58 PM »
Guys...we are looking at this all wrong. The DUmmie in question will probably hurt itself in this operation, lay on the floor for weeks until the neighbors call the police about the even worse smell. Fingers crossed.
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Offline Vagabond

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #13 on: July 11, 2021, 09:48:14 PM »
The primitive is simply an idiot. It purchased a product that you know good and well it could have found out how much the mattress weighed. Now it’s a simple matter of can you lift 60 lbs and carry it up the stairs or not? If you can, great. If you can’t or you’re not sure, then plan ahead.

These are the same dimwits who want to have the greatest say in society who can’t even perform the most simple of tasks or think in advance. And then they’re surprised when anyone worth anything doesn’t care what they have to say.

.

It isn't even the full sixty pounds, she could have just use leverage, pushing one end to up right, then grabbing the bottom and continue tipping it up, using the stairs as a sort of fulcrum.  Done right, any time she was lifting the full weight, she would have had the advantage of all of the muscles in her body.
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Offline DUmpDiver

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #14 on: July 11, 2021, 09:57:06 PM »
It isn't even the full sixty pounds, she could have just use leverage, pushing one end to up right, then grabbing the bottom and continue tipping it up, using the stairs as a sort of fulcrum.  Done right, any time she was lifting the full weight, she would have had the advantage of all of the muscles in her body.

Yeah, just go end over end. No need to try to lift the whole 60#.

Offline Zathras

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #15 on: July 11, 2021, 10:18:27 PM »
It isn't even the full sixty pounds, she could have just use leverage, pushing one end to up right, then grabbing the bottom and continue tipping it up, using the stairs as a sort of fulcrum.  Done right, any time she was lifting the full weight, she would have had the advantage of all of the muscles in her body.

Remember that we're talking about a DUmbass, someone who is part of probably the dumbest group on planet Earth today. A fix as simple as you suggest would be way above the intelligence level of the DUmbass to impliment.
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Offline Movie buff- The Sequel

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #16 on: July 12, 2021, 03:24:17 AM »
LOL!
What a loser AND moron!

Offline Ralph Wiggum

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #17 on: July 12, 2021, 09:34:53 AM »
QFT! This was my first thought, to get a friend or neighbor to help. How badly has she alienating everyone who knows her that she knows that no one within 10 or 20 miles of her would come over to help and have a chat?

Exactly!  Got rid of a 20 year old TV this spring that weighed 70 lbs. and was really damn bulky.  No chance in hell I could carry it.  So naturally, I planned ahead and had a good friend help me.  Life ain't that complicated, except to a DUmmy.
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Offline SVPete

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #18 on: July 12, 2021, 09:41:57 AM »
Exactly!  Got rid of a 20 year old TV this spring that weighed 70 lbs. and was really damn bulky.  No chance in hell I could carry it.  So naturally, I planned ahead and had a good friend help me.  Life ain't that complicated, except to a DUmmy.

When the DUmmie ordered the mattress the website would have had dimensions and weight information. Because of handling restrictions by UPS or Fedex or ... the box it came in would have had the weight clearly printed on it in large numbers.

The DUmmie's real problem was a clear lack of clear thought and planning.
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Offline DefiantSix

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #19 on: July 12, 2021, 10:57:46 AM »

The DUmmie's real problem was a clear lack of clear thought and planning.

That's a normal state of being for DUmbshits...
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Offline Old n Grumpy

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #20 on: July 12, 2021, 12:14:09 PM »
she should have just ordered a smaller mattress. :thatsright: :-)
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Offline SVPete

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #21 on: July 12, 2021, 01:26:11 PM »
she should have just ordered a smaller mattress. :thatsright: :-)

She didn't order a twin mattress because she's, ummmm, optimistic ... despite not having anyone willing to help her. :fuelfire:  :naughty:
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Offline BannedFromDU

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #22 on: July 12, 2021, 01:40:58 PM »
she should have just ordered a smaller mattress. :thatsright: :-)


     A significant number of DUmmies are admitted hoarders, so I wouldn't be surprised if that figures in to this story.
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Offline BamaMoose

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #23 on: July 13, 2021, 04:16:09 AM »
So after a day of performing calculations, she figured out how to move a mattress.

Quote
Ocelot II (94,783 posts)

31. I DID IT!!!
 
Didn't even need the ropes and pulleys; I just got behind the MFer and pushed, one step at a time. Brute strength. Now I shall rest for awhile before finishing the installation, but at least I won't have to battle gravity so hard for that part. For one born during the Truman administration, I think I did good. Old ladies rule!

*pant, gasp*

Thanks, everyone, for your advice.

Good for her, but I was really looking forward to hearing how her rope/pulley arrangement was supposed to work.  And of course, no thought to calling a friend, family member or neighbor, because she's distanced herself from everyone considered politically impure.

Quote
Ocelot II (94,783 posts)

38. I got the mattress out of the plastic wrap
 
and put it on the bed frame to expand. It did expand pretty fast, so I flopped down on it and it is so comfortable! I can hardly wait to go to bed tonight, but have to go to Target in a bit and buy a new mattress pad and maybe a couple of pillows (the old ones are almost as flat as the old mattress). I can relate to being trapped on the steps; that occurred to me as well if I'd had to drag it up, but since I ended up pushing from below that wasn't a problem. I did worry about falling backwards down the stairs, knocking myself out and expiring and eventually being eaten by my cat.

Dying and being eaten by the cat.  That is probably the funeral plan of at least nine out of ten DUmmies.

Offline SVPete

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Re: DUmmie Outsmarted by Inanimate Object
« Reply #24 on: July 13, 2021, 09:06:32 AM »
Is Ocelot II formerly known as Velveteen Ocelot? Just curious.
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