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U.S.—With more and more public bathroom facilities now allowing biological men in women's restrooms, women are dealing with the frustrating problem of always walking into a bathroom stall and finding someone has left the toilet seat up. "We're sick of it!" said one probably transphobic woman. "We women have to deal with this all the time at home with our husbands or boyfriends, and now this? What's it gonna take for you men-- er, women, to stop leaving the toilet seat up?"Some facilities had previously addressed this problem by gluing down the toilet seats but were later told that this was transphobic since some trans women need to lift the toilet seat for unknown reasons completely unrelated to physiology."This is a crisis," said Senator Chuck Schumer to reporters, "and one that can only be solved through far-reaching legislation. Rest assured the Democrat party is working on a solution to the toilet seat issue."Congress has promised to intervene in this crisis by enacting legislation that would require full-time bathroom butlers to be paid a living wage to stay in women's restrooms and put the toilet seats down after each use.
Ted Kennedy is the only person with an actual confirmed kill in the war on women.
