Which Proglodytes would you like to meet in public?

[obumazombie]

I'd like to meet all the past winners of the DOTY and congratulate them.
I would like to toss a word salad with the truly a maize ing cousin of coach franksolich, nadin.
I would love to meet with all the primitives of importance if it meant that all their discretionary income was taken from them and given to any organization they were violently opposed to like ACLJ for instance.
I would love to pose as a publisher of gourmet cookbooks, and meet with the DU what's for dinner chefs, and get them to believe all their disgusting recipes would comprise the next cookbook bestseller.
Then I would reveal to them that the focus group for the cookbook was starving Africans who would rather starve to death than eat any of their nauseating dishes.
I would love to pose as a confidante absolutioner, and get them to reveal their innermost biases, prejudices, and bigotry, and just when they felt the weight of them all lifted, reveal their secrets to the world to have them discovered to be the most vile hypocrites in the human race.
I would take no prisoners.
In my mind, not one of them is redeemable.
That's another reason why I'm glad I'm not God. If I was God, I would have to hold out hope after hope that they were all redeemable. But I am me, and don't know if any of them are.

[franksolich]

For entirely different reasons than most of you, I'd like to meet Sid Dithers and Nuclear Unicorn.  I disagree with their politics, but I do enjoy their intricate and sardonic wit, I think I could have a pretty good time with those two and some beer, as long as we stayed away from the political stuff.

There's a few primitives who don't belong on Skins's island, period, as it demeans them.

I some time ago addressed the issue with the brooklynite primitive, who has some concrete accomplishments and substantial cash, two things that separate him from the general run of primitivity.  He really needs to hang with the movers and shakers, the doers, out in real life.

This isn't going to make me popular, but also there's the buzzy one, BuzzClik; it wasn't until very close to the end of his stay here that I finally got all the dope on him, which was an eye-opener.  Up until then, I'd merely assumed the buzzy one was just another one of those usual standard run-of-the-mill overpaid and underworked desk-sitting governmental employees, and treated him thusly.

Then too late I discover the guy's got twenty-three typewritten pages of accomplishments, single-spaced.  He's definitely several cuts above the primitives, and one wonders why he even bothers hanging with them.

Twenty-three pages.  Single-spaced.

Now, I think that I, franksolich, have done some rather remarkable things in life, being stratospherically superior when compared with the primitives, but seriously, if one were to take my accomplishments, they'd fill maybe two and a half typewritten pages.  Double-spaced.

So why the buzzy one hangs with a bunch of losers is a mystery.  As with the brooklynite primitive, he really needs to hang with the movers and shakers, the doers, not the primitives.

A third "maybe he doesn't belong there" might, or might not, be Doc, the PCIntern primitive.

He's obviously more loaded than either the brooklynite primitive or the buzzy one, and he's a medical professional.  So like the other two, he's way far above the caliber of the average primitive.

But on the other hand, there's a strong streak of exuberant juvenility in Doc (it's absent in the brooklynite primitive and the buzzy one)--a trait I noticed a long time ago, as like recognizes like.  And so it's possible that even though Doc hangs with the primitives, he really hangs with them only for innocent merriment and mischief at their expense.

Which, if this is the case, makes it okay then.

[Mr Mannn]

I would only want to meet a DUmmy if I had really bad gas and was in a sharing mood.

[JohnnyReb]

I would only want to meet a DUmmy if I had really bad gas and was in a sharing mood.

After a really long night of pickled eggs and beer.

[BattleHymn]

I know one primitive, one honest-to-real-posting-at-the-DUmp in real life.  Her mother, who is practically a saint, would be horrified if she saw some of the things her primitive daughter has posted on the DUmp.  It makes me sick to my stomach every time I drive past where her mother lives. 

The primitive daughter she be utterly ashamed of herself. 

As far as the rest of them, I'd no sooner go and unlock the chimpanzee exhibit at the zoo and spend an afternoon with those primates than I would spend a single solitary hour with any of the inhabitants of the island.