DUmmy hippywife Discusses Lobsters And Fedex Guys

[GOBUCKS]

Coach usually keeps a keen eye on the cooking and baking forum, due to the frequent entertaining brawls that erupt amongst the hateful ladies there. I think this thread ran, though, while he was occupied by his Top DUmmy chores and the TLB dustup, because I don't recall seeing it here in The DUmpster. There's none of the usual bloodshed here. Mrs. Alfred Packer, DUmmy hippywife (who, as TLB pointed out, is so dumb she misspelled her own user name) has received a gift card for live lobsters. Her stingy, primitive husband, the legendary cannibal Alfred Packer, who still refuses to buy a new freezer, has informed her that his mother and sister will visit for New Year's Day, and DUmmy hippywife is ordered to get those free lobsters and fix them for the Packer clan. It's to be expected that the Packers will devour their lobsters in the manner of the mermaid Daryl Hannah, crunching them up shell and all. Anyway, hippywife gives a runnning commentary on the preparations, and her lust for the Fedex delivery man:

hippywife  (1000+ posts)        Wed Dec-30-09 06:27 PM
Original message
Okay, about these lobsters.
I placed the order today. They will be arriving tomorrow at work (I'm off, a decision I made after I placed the order) but will go in and pick them up when they arrive.

From what I'm reading, they really do need to be killed and cooked ASAP as I do not have a saltwater tank to keep them alive until Friday afternoon when we are planning to have Bill's mom and sister for dinner.

So, unless someone has a better idea, it sounds like we will have to kill them tomorrow and pick all the meat out and chill it until we're ready to use it.

Does this sound correct?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=236x72988

hippywife  (1000+ posts)        Wed Dec-30-09 06:45 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. I have no idea how fresh they will be.
I was going by what it said on their website:

http://lobsters-online.com/docs/lobsterinfo.htm

Lobsters must be cooked soon after they are purchased. They will die in fresh water, so they must either be kept in seawater, wrapped in a wet cloth or seaweed and stored for no more than a few hours on a bed of ice in the refrigerator. All lobsters must either be cooked live or killed immediately prior to cooking. They may be cleaned before or after cooking, depending on the cooking method and the way in which they are to be used.

from THE FOOD LOVER'S COMPANION, 2nd edition, by Sharon Tyler Herbst, Barron's Educational Services, Inc.

I had to have the order in by 2 p.m. eastern time today and when I tried to call an hour before that, I had a devil of a time getting through. They lines were busy, busy, busy! I'm hoping that is a really good sign.

Tesha  (1000+ posts)      Wed Dec-30-09 08:09 PM
Response to Reply #3
6. They keep them in huge tanks...
 
... in very close to natural living conditions.


Cold sea water is filtered and kept moving through the tanks - it's optimum - it'd be foolish of them to do less, right?
It's their business to keep them as perfect as possible.

You order - they pack - they ship - you receive - and enjoy!

What will it be then? Oh, and don't forget to save the shells for bisque!

There will be no shells to save. The Packer family will chew them up like Fritos.
 

hippywife  (1000+ posts)        Wed Dec-30-09 08:20 PM
Response to Reply #6
7. That's really good to know.
 I never would have done this, and I kinda wish he hadn't sent the gift certificate. But it was an incredibly nice gesture on his part.

DUmmy Warpy is in a surprisingly good mood for someone who has just been crushed by Pam and bobbolink in the Top DUmmy competition:

Warpy  (1000+ posts)        Thu Dec-31-09 02:10 AM
Response to Original message
9. You can keep them in a paper bag in the fridge for a day or two
Keeping them cold is key. You don't want to keep them wet.

They'll be alive but very unhappy on Friday. The pot of boiling water will come as a relief.

I would trust DUmmy Warpy on that. She knows how a crustacean brain works.


Now the lobsters become a secondary concern:

hippywife  (1000+ posts)        Thu Dec-31-09 04:49 PM
Response to Original message
11. The lobster have landed!
Fedx just arrived with the lobstahs.

The Fedx driver was very funny. He walked up to the house wearing shorts for one thing and it's freezing cold out with ice and snow on the ground.

He said: "Ma'am, has our company contacted you?"
Me: "No, why?"
Him: "Well we've recently become concerned for the safety of our customers and...
Me: "You want to test those out for me, don't you?"

He was pretty funny, and what a hunka! Oh, to be young again! Whew! He hung around and we talked for a few about the lobster. He asked what time he should be here for dinner.

I guess I'm going to unpack the box and make sure they're all alive and okay, and then store them outside in Bill's workshop where it's unheated and very cold since I don't have room for all of this in my fridge. 

If Alfred came in while all this flirting was going on, this story may have had an ending as tragic as the one written by franksolich.

hippywife  (1000+ posts)        Thu Dec-31-09 05:12 PM
14. I'm waiting for Bill to 
get back in the house. He's out taking care of the chickens. 

pengillian101  (1000+ posts)        Thu Dec-31-09 08:57 PM
Response to Reply #11
17. What a little stinker you are!
 "He was pretty funny, and what a hunka! Oh, to be young again! Whew! He hung around and we talked for a few about the lobster. He asked what time he should be here for dinner."

Our UPS guy is also funny and he ain't so bad looking either

pengilliannumbers is a slut.

hippywife  (1000+ posts)        Thu Dec-31-09 09:22 PM
20. Oh, heck honey!
He was sooooo cute. If I didn't love Bill so much, I'd have invited him to eat lobster with me tonight. He was tall, had like a swimmers or volleyball players build, dark hair and mustache, part Native American. And did I mention he was wearing shorts?????

 

pengillian101  (1000+ posts)        Thu Dec-31-09 10:00 PM
Response to Reply #20
24. Oh, you are almost naughty!

My UPS guy shows up only when the regular UPS gal is off, so it's a hit and a miss if he shows up. But he's a cutie alright, and not too young.

 

DUmmy hippywife is getting all discombobulated now:

hippywife  (1000+ posts)        Thu Dec-31-09 10:08 PM
Response to Reply #24
25. As far as I know he doesn't read around here. LOL
I'm telling you, this guy had legs clear up to his ass! Whoa!

hippywife  (1000+ posts)        Thu Dec-31-09 11:20 PM
33. Oh you should have known me back in the day.
I used to go see Steppenwolf every time they came to town just so I could watch John Kay in person. Another one with legs clear up to his ass.

It's okay to have a little naughty streak. Life would be boring if we didn't.

tigereye  (1000+ posts)        Fri Jan-01-10 03:41 PM
Response to Reply #33
43. to quote a cliche, "just cuz you're in a diet, doesn't mean you can't look at 
the menu!"

 

hippywife  (1000+ posts)        Thu Dec-31-09 09:19 PM
Response to Reply #18
19. We just opened up
the styrofoam and made sure they were all alive and in good shape, scared the kitties with them, and then put them back in and put it out in Bill's woodworking shop outside. It's really cold here and the low tonight is expected to be 18. So they won't get toooo cold but they will be dry and cool all night. We're gonna eat them at about 2 p.m. tomorrow.

hippywife  (1000+ posts)        Fri Jan-01-10 06:16 PM
Response to Original message
49. Lobstah dinner.
Bill was taking pics before I had everything on the table, but he did the lobster and the clams while I made the sides.

   <<<<photo of dead lobsters and dead clams>>>>

hippywife  (1000+ posts)        Sat Jan-02-10 10:26 AM
Response to Reply #54
61. Thanx, Phentex.
The lobsters were good, as were the sides. Those olives were just canned ones I threw on the table when I put out the smoked salmon spread for Bill, his mom, and sister to snack on while the lobsters and clams were boiling. Since it was a late lunch/early dinner thing I knew everyone would be hungry.

Maybe DUmmy hippywife will be ordering more stuff for Fedex delivery while the Packers are crunching up their lobster shells.
 

[franksolich]

Great find, sir.

Yeah, I was busy.  I think there was four days in a row I didn't go over to watch.

[thundley4]

UPS drivers run a very tight schedule, I doubt they would hang around and flirt with a DUmmie.

[The Village Idiot]

killed & cooked?

Isn't the cooking supposed to kill them? Aren't you suppose to boil them alive?

[Karin]

He was tall, had like a swimmers or volleyball players build, dark hair and mustache, part Native American.

  It's John Redcorn! 
 

Yeah, FGL, most people boil them alive.  I've known some who spike their little heads first.  I don't want anything to do with such things, so I don't eat lobster. 

[The Village Idiot]

  It's John Redcorn! 
 

Yeah, FGL, most people boil them alive.  I've known some who spike their little heads first.  I don't want anything to do with such things, so I don't eat lobster. 

I have never tried lobster either. Wouldn't want to eat something that is looking at me. heh.

[SilverOrchid]

I had a surf and turf once, it was pretty good. Lobster tail is pretty rich.

[thundley4]

I had a surf and turf once, it was pretty good. Lobster tail is pretty rich.

It's rich, but then they serve butter to dip it in. 

[debk]

killed & cooked?

Isn't the cooking supposed to kill them? Aren't you suppose to boil them alive?

Yes, you boil them alive if you are going to cook the whole lobster. Some people will cut off the pincher claws and tail and only cook them. I do the whole thing.

They scream a little as they hit the water....but only for a couple of seconds.   






Kidding.........

[thundley4]

I haven't had lobster since I was in the Navy. Surf and Turf meant either lobster tails and prime rib or crab legs and prime rib.   

[The Village Idiot]

I really do not like seafood. If crap hits the fan, sure those guys with fishing boats might have a big advantage but I like land lubbin food.

[whiteguyPI]

hippywife  (1000+ posts)        Thu Dec-31-09 04:49 PM
Response to Original message
11. The lobster have landed!
Fedx just arrived with the lobstahs.

The Fedx driver was very funny. He walked up to the house wearing shorts for one thing and it's freezing cold out with ice and snow on the ground.

He said: "Ma'am, has our company contacted you?"
Me: "No, why?"
Him: "Well we've recently become concerned for the safety of our customers and...
Me: "You want to test those out for me, don't you?"

He was pretty funny, and what a hunka! Oh, to be young again! Whew! He hung around and we talked for a few about the lobster. He asked what time he should be here for dinner.

I guess I'm going to unpack the box and make sure they're all alive and okay, and then store them outside in Bill's workshop where it's unheated and very cold since I don't have room for all of this in my fridge. 

The bolded is a total lie.  FedEx drivers are timed on all pickups and deliveries.  It's strictly get it there and get going.  Too much time at a customer...even a few minutes can result in a writeup.  FedEx drivers have a sweet gig...no way one would screw that up to flirt with a DUmmie.

[franksolich]

I looked at the photograph, not so much to examine the food, but more so what else is on the table.  It looks like some sort of "tract" opened up on the upper right-hand of the photograph, but undoubtedly it's not a Gospel tract.

What's with those little tiny packaged alcohol-saturated "wipes" at each setting?

Perhaps Mrs. Alfred Packer uses them instead of napkins?

And maybe swipes them from where she works, at the local nursing home?

Otherwise, it looks as if I had always imagined it, in Christmas at Grandma's--the cracked oilcloth, the mixture of dishes and bowls, the jars used for drinking, whatever else.

Christmas at Grandma's:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,38146.0.html

[The Village Idiot]

The bolded is a total lie.  FedEx drivers are timed on all pickups and deliveries.  It's strictly get it there and get going.  Too much time at a customer...even a few minutes can result in a writeup.  FedEx drivers have a sweet gig...no way one would screw that up to flirt with a DUmmie.

I bet this is a direct response to the flirting mailman post from the Rising Peanut Primitive

[thundley4]

I hope they ate all the shellfish in the bowl. A couple weren't opened and that usually means they're bad. 

[The Village Idiot]

Otherwise, it looks as if I had always imagined it, in Christmas at Grandma's--the cracked oilcloth, the mixture of dishes and bowls, the jars used for drinking, whatever else.

You are a great judge of people Frank

[njpines]

What's with those little tiny packaged alcohol-saturated "wipes" at each setting?

Perhaps Mrs. Alfred Packer uses them instead of napkins?

And maybe swipes them from where she works, at the local nursing home?

They're to wipe your fingers/mouth after dipping the lobster in melted butter.  They were probably included in the shipment.

[SilverOrchid]

It's rich, but then they serve butter to dip it in. 

OMG, yes! My last meal would be surf and turf.

[Karin]

Yes, Frank.  That is a decidedly un-elegant and unappetizing dinner table.  The oilcloth doesn't cover the battered table, so there's paper underneath the plates.  Someone's dirty coffee cup.  Slapdash presentation.  And, no other napkins in site except for those sani-wipes ripped off from KFC.  There should be a fine wine there, with real glasses to put it in, not dixie cups. 

[AllosaursRus]

After reading this DUmp thread, I suddenly lost my appetite! The only way to eat lobster is to drop them in frisk boiling water. The shock kills them instantly! They never feel a thing!

[GOBUCKS]

Yes, Frank.  That is a decidedly un-elegant and unappetizing dinner table.  The oilcloth doesn't cover the battered table, so there's paper underneath the plates.  Someone's dirty coffee cup.  Slapdash presentation.  And, no other napkins in site except for those sani-wipes ripped off from KFC.  There should be a fine wine there, with real glasses to put it in, not dixie cups. 

It appears to be a small table, maybe a folding card table, set in the kitchen (there's a white enamel appliance in the background). I think if we could have seen the Packer clan tearing into it, we'd agree the table setting is entirely appropriate to the occasion. Most likely when they feed, a linoleum floor is called for.

[zeitgeist]

Yes, you boil them alive if you are going to cook the whole lobster. Some people will cut off the pincher claws and tail and only cook them. I do the whole thing.

They scream a little as they hit the water....but only for a couple of seconds.  






Kidding.........

Ah the stories I could tell.  Worked many summers in a lobster pound.  Tourists are gullible.  I have a distinct recollection of telling one compassionate soul "No, of course they don't suffer, we put them in a wine bath before we put them in the boiling water." "No, we stand them on their head, they go into a trance." ( followed by demo)   "No, we pierce their brains with an ice pic before we put them in the pot." ( Lobster brains? well ok like you could find one Dr Killdare.)  

Every now and then you would get the customer who walked to the tank wanting to select their lobster only to complain there weren't any red ones.  Duh, they don't turn red until they are COOKED.  No, really? yes, really! Then there were the ones who thought shell defects meant the lobster had cancer.  Tourists, the laughs they provided.  

Then the is the story of the famous celebrity and clam necks.  Gloria Swanson IIRC.   But that will have to wait for another time.  The brown eyed girl is giving me that look.

ETA....false alert, just wanted a cookie.

On the FedEx guy.  I am surpised she didn't tell 'em she was hoping to joining the TSA, and, could she practice patting him down to see if he had a real panty bomb or a dud. 

[The Village Idiot]

Yes, Frank.  That is a decidedly un-elegant and unappetizing dinner table.  The oilcloth doesn't cover the battered table, so there's paper underneath the plates.  Someone's dirty coffee cup.  Slapdash presentation.  And, no other napkins in site except for those sani-wipes ripped off from KFC.  There should be a fine wine there, with real glasses to put it in, not dixie cups. 

I paid no attention while at Wal-Mart buying slacks, 2 pairs, I thought I saw some wine on sale in the $4-$8 range. I am sure it could take paint off a Boeing but it might work for them.