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Offline franksolich

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primitive has mother-in-law problem
« on: March 24, 2014, 04:14:30 PM »
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018593397

Oh my.

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diabeticman (1,857 posts)    Sun Mar 23, 2014, 02:54 PM

Do I try and repair my wife's relationship with her mother or just leave it.

As some of you may have read in the past my MIL and wife have had a very crazy relationship. my MIL is basically egomaniac who loves LOVES to control my wife as well as demean and disrespect her.
 
So as you know my Grandmother's funeral was this past week and this is what we had to deal with:
 
My MIL has always been on my wife's back. She has tried to control my wife since a child. If it wasn't for my wife I'd tell the Bit--Witch where to go. Well, this week we had to borrow money from my MIL to get gas in the car to get down to my family. (we had a couple unexpected bills from Brody the cat.)

Anyways my MIL also needed to borrow money from us for this weekend. So Wednesday we get the money and told her on Friday we would replace the gas money and give her the loan she needed. So my wife took a half of day off Wednesday so she can pack find someone to feed our three cats ( Brody right now can only eat soft food at the moment.) and well take over for me on all things that didn't need me.

I went to work Wednesday night ( I needed to keep my mind busy so I didn't lose it) I came back home loaded up the car and my wife and we went down to Washington. On our way there my MIL called not to see how we where doing but calling to make sure we would be putting the money in the account.

My wife was pissed and said yes she would and than MIL yelled at my wife not to say it so that my family could hear. We had been in the car still traveling.
 
My wife was my support and we came back home for that night after the viewing got up got the money out of the accounts and paid a couple bills as well as put the money in MIL account.
 
MIL called not to see how I was holding up or anything but to make sure we where putting the money in the account and to possible ask us to go get a few things for her at the store ( her back is giving her issues) BUT we are trying to get out of the town to be with my dad and family and she thinks we have all this time. We do get her the items she wanted while we pay a couple bills that was preying on my mind than my MIL has the never to call my wife as we are leaving town to see if she could borrow $25 more. My wife was in tears all that day. She was pissed because she couldn't "get in the right mind-frame to support me and my family" she also said she wanted to be my "rock".
 
We don't here from MIL the WHOLE time we are down there.. No calls asking how we are holding up or anything like that BUT sat after the funeral and as we are are driving back home MIL calls asking are we in town yet? Again no question how we are doing but can we get her a loaf of bread, pack of cigs and a sandwich and a small milk shake.
 
We had just started out from Washington County to drive back to Lawrence county. that was basically going to be an hour and a half drive.
 
So we get her stuff and take it to her and she isn't happy my wife is pissed off. She like Don't get mad.
 
I think my wife had a right to be pissed off.

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Raine1967 (4,132 posts)    Sun Mar 23, 2014, 03:06 PM

1. It's not for you to repair this.

from what you described, your wife does have a right to be upset. I don't think you have to fix this.
 
Just remind your wife that her heart was in the right place, because it was. Your wife has a selfish mom. You can be her rock and support her if she wants to stop being controlled by her Mom. I've had too many experiences like yours to count. A few years ago, I decided I would not deal with the Drama. It hurt a lot -- but I have a husband that supported me when the time came to say 'no more'
 
I would take the lead from your wife. It's not for you to repair. (hope that makes sense, diabeticman. )

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calimary (33,581 posts)    Mon Mar 24, 2014, 04:54 PM

14. You, too, 'eh?

I agree with everything you said, Raine, and funny enough, just this weekend I was exorcising another demon or two from my own memories of "Life with Mother." With LOTS to go!!!
 
Diabeticman, there really isn't much you can do except what my husband did for me: stay close, stand staunchly by me and give me support, and stay out of it. Just understand you're dealing with a spoiled, mixed-up, adult-size child. It's not your battle to fight. You can't fix this, especially if the individual on the other end refuses to acknowledge any reason that there's something within them needing to be fixed.

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The Velveteen Ocelot (36,837 posts)    Sun Mar 23, 2014, 03:17 PM

2. I doubt there is anything you can do.

Family dynamics take years to develop and once they're set it's almost impossible to "repair" them. Especially for an in-law. Your MIL sounds like an unpleasantly self-centered person, and she would surely resent your interference (which is how she'd see it), and the way she behaves toward your wife would not improve. It might even get worse. About all that can be done with or about toxic family members or in-laws involves having as little contact with them as possible. Any contact that you must have should be brief and superficial and should not involve money or controversial issues. While it sounds like your wife has every right to be angry, being angry won't improve anything. She, and you, will ultimately be happier if you both just accept the fact that your MIL is not an especially nice person, that she won't change, and that interactions with her will often lead to hurt feelings and anger. If your expectations are low you won't be disappointed.

Now wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

She loaned money to a primitive.

<<<if loaned money to a primitive, would be worried about getting it back too.

Quote
mnhtnbb (13,076 posts)    Mon Mar 24, 2014, 05:25 AM

9. This is very good advice and information.

I grew up with an extremely controlling, self-centered, and always right mother. And she was always demeaning and insulting me...and also figured out a way to remind me--from the grave--how my brother was more worthy.

She set up a trust and divided her money--which wasn't that much, but yes, nice to have--between her grandchildren. My brother has five and I have two...

so, he gets 5/7 and my kids get 2/7. Each child gets control of his/her share of the money when 25. My youngest will be 25 next year...my mother died in 2000. So, I will have been preparing taxes for her trust--being reminded of that division of money--for 16 years after her death before I file the last tax return for that trust.

How's that for bitchy? Her initials are GDB, so you know what I call it?

The god damn bitch trust.

And no, if the money in that trust had been combined with my father's (which was divided equally between my brother and me), it would not have gone over a threshold to trigger any more taxes on their estate when they died. There was NO financial reason to create a separate trust: it was just bitchiness on her part.
 
So...it does sound like your MIL is not a nice person. Minimize your contact with her, don't expect her to be any different, and just support your wife in any way you can.

More at the link above.
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Offline Skul

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Re: primitive has mother-in-law problem
« Reply #1 on: March 24, 2014, 04:28:55 PM »
The alphabet primitive is PO'd because she wanted half the money to go to her two, instead of it being divided equally among all the grand-kids.
What a selfish, self-centered, greedy scrunt.
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Offline franksolich

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Re: primitive has mother-in-law problem
« Reply #2 on: March 24, 2014, 04:57:42 PM »
Quote from: Skul on March 24, 2014, 04:28:55 PM
The alphabet primitive is PO'd because she wanted half the money to go to her two, instead of it being divided equally among all the grand-kids.

What a selfish, self-centered, greedy scrunt.

Yeah, that's true; she wanted half the money for herself, rather than just 2/7ths of it.

If the primitive were an honorable person, how the money was divided wouldn't've mattered to her.

But primitives tend to see their parents only as cash cows, no personal sentiments.
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Offline BannedFromDU

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Re: primitive has mother-in-law problem
« Reply #3 on: March 24, 2014, 04:58:30 PM »
     You know what my favorite Diabeticman post is?

     The one where he mentions his wife.
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NJCher (31,658 posts)

5. IMO

a certain percentage of DU is depressed and has other mental issues.

Offline Maxiest

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Re: primitive has mother-in-law problem
« Reply #4 on: March 24, 2014, 05:00:27 PM »
Day in the life of a screwed up Northwest liberal family.  Sounds fun.
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Offline franksolich

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Re: primitive has mother-in-law problem
« Reply #5 on: March 24, 2014, 05:13:09 PM »
Quote from: Maxiest on March 24, 2014, 05:00:27 PM
Day in the life of a screwed up Northwest liberal family.  Sounds fun.

Maybe you might be confusing this primitive with the epic story-telling "rsmith6612" primitive, who's from up near Seattle.

A natural mistake; the primitives do tend to look alike.

But this one's from northwestern Pennsylvania.
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Offline Maxiest

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Re: primitive has mother-in-law problem
« Reply #6 on: March 24, 2014, 05:18:18 PM »
Quote from: franksolich on March 24, 2014, 05:13:09 PM
Maybe you might be confusing this primitive with the epic story-telling "rsmith6612" primitive, who's from up near Seattle.

A natural mistake; the primitives do tend to look alike.

But this one's from northwestern Pennsylvania.

Ah yes... an equally detestable primitive.  I saw Washington County and was thinking Oregon.
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Offline zeitgeist

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Re: primitive has mother-in-law problem
« Reply #7 on: March 24, 2014, 05:49:56 PM »
Quote from: Maxiest on March 24, 2014, 05:18:18 PM
Ah yes... an equally detestable primitive.  I saw Washington County and was thinking Oregon.

I saw that and went with Maine.  The narrative would be a perfect fit, especially if the wife were his half sister.  They're like that down in Washington County.  :thatsright:
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Offline marv

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Re: primitive has mother-in-law problem
« Reply #8 on: March 24, 2014, 06:01:32 PM »
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diabeticman (1,857 posts)    Sun Mar 23, 2014, 02:54 PM

Do I try and repair my wife's relationship with her mother or just leave it.

As some of you may have read in the past my MIL and wife have had a very crazy relationship. my MIL is basically egomaniac who loves LOVES to control my wife as well as demean and disrespect her.
 
So as you know my Grandmother's funeral was this past week and this is what we had to deal with:
 
My MIL has always been on my wife's back. She has tried to control my wife since a child. If it wasn't for my wife I'd tell the Bit--Witch where to go. Well, this week we had to borrow money from my MIL to get gas in the car to get down to my family. (we had a couple unexpected bills from Brody the cat.)

That's as far as I got.
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Offline GOBUCKS

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Re: primitive has mother-in-law problem
« Reply #9 on: March 24, 2014, 06:10:25 PM »
He had to borrow gas money from his mother-in-law because he spent all his money on a housecat.

Enough said.

But his mother-in-law is the nut?
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Offline USA4ME

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Re: primitive has mother-in-law problem
« Reply #10 on: March 24, 2014, 06:30:40 PM »
Sounds like they all deserve each other.

.
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Re: primitive has mother-in-law problem
« Reply #11 on: March 24, 2014, 06:40:19 PM »
Quote from: USA4ME on March 24, 2014, 06:30:40 PM
Sounds like they all deserve each other.

.
I'm rooting for the MIL.
I hope she drives them ALL NUCKING FUTZ!    :lmao:
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Offline thundley4

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Re: primitive has mother-in-law problem
« Reply #12 on: March 24, 2014, 06:48:56 PM »
Quote from: diesel driver on March 24, 2014, 06:40:19 PM
I'm rooting for the MIL.
I hope she drives them ALL NUCKING FUTZ!    :lmao:

It's a short drive, but they still have to borrow gas money for it.
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Offline Maxiest

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Re: primitive has mother-in-law problem
« Reply #13 on: March 24, 2014, 06:50:15 PM »
Quote from: GOBUCKS on March 24, 2014, 06:10:25 PM
He had to borrow gas money from his mother-in-law because he spent all his money on a housecat.

Enough said.

But his mother-in-law is the nut?

If I read it correct, which I may not have seeing as I skimmed through it, I think they borrowed money from other family and she wanted some of it or something like that.
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Offline franksolich

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Re: primitive has mother-in-law problem
« Reply #14 on: March 24, 2014, 06:51:01 PM »
Quote from: diesel driver on March 24, 2014, 06:40:19 PM
I'm rooting for the MIL.
I hope she drives them ALL NUCKING FUTZ!    :lmao:

Me too.
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Offline jukin

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Re: primitive has mother-in-law problem
« Reply #15 on: March 24, 2014, 07:12:17 PM »
Quote
I grew up with an extremely controlling, self-centered, and always right mother. And she was always demeaning and insulting me...and also figured out a way to remind me--from the grave--how my brother was more worthy.

Yet this DUchebag votes democrat.
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Offline delilahmused

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Re: primitive has mother-in-law problem
« Reply #16 on: March 24, 2014, 07:13:26 PM »
Translation: MY point of view is the ONLY one that matters! I will ****ing lie through my teeth to make us look like the injured victims and everyone else as big fat meanies!

Cindie
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Offline Maxiest

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Re: primitive has mother-in-law problem
« Reply #17 on: March 24, 2014, 07:13:42 PM »
Quote from: jukin on March 24, 2014, 07:12:17 PM
Yet this DUchebag votes democrat.

jukin or his mother?   :rotf:
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Offline Celtic Rose

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Re: primitive has mother-in-law problem
« Reply #18 on: March 24, 2014, 07:49:49 PM »
If they all just stopped borrowing money from each other, they might just get along a little better.  Just saying  :whatever:
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Offline GOBUCKS

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Re: primitive has mother-in-law problem
« Reply #19 on: March 24, 2014, 10:04:29 PM »
I kind of like the mother-in-law.

She sounds like the old lady in "Nebraska".
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Offline Dori

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Re: primitive has mother-in-law problem
« Reply #20 on: March 24, 2014, 10:31:00 PM »
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Well, this week we had to borrow money from my MIL to get gas in the car to get down to my family. (we had a couple unexpected bills from Brody the cat.)

^The perfect description of a DUmmie's life.





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Offline Bad Dog

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Re: primitive has mother-in-law problem
« Reply #21 on: March 25, 2014, 12:26:13 AM »
Quote from: Dori on March 24, 2014, 10:31:00 PM
^The perfect description of a DUmmie's life.







That's the difference between us and them.  When I get bills from my cat, I just blow them off.  What's the cat going to do anyway?
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Re: primitive has mother-in-law problem
« Reply #22 on: March 25, 2014, 06:07:20 AM »
Quote from: Bad Dog on March 25, 2014, 12:26:13 AM
That's the difference between us and them.  When I get bills from my cat, I just blow them off.  What's the cat going to do anyway?

Exactly, it's just a cat.

Now, OTOH, if it was my dog...
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Murphy's 3rd Law:  "You can't make anything 'idiot DUmmie proof'.  The world will just create a better idiot DUmmie."

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Offline Skul

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Re: primitive has mother-in-law problem
« Reply #23 on: March 25, 2014, 07:19:30 AM »
I'm still trying to figure this part out.
Quote
Well, this week we had to borrow money from my MIL to get gas in the car to get down to my family. (we had a couple unexpected bills from Brody the cat.)

Anyways my MIL also needed to borrow money from us for this weekend. So Wednesday we get the money and told her on Friday we would replace the gas money and give her the loan she needed.
Borrows money from MIL this week, so MIL can borrow money for the weekend??????
Gives me a headache.

Sounds like MIL isn't borrowing anything, and just wants paid back.
Primitive freak considers paying her back the money he owes, is a loan, therefore he can demand she return it....probably with interest.
I'll bet mortgage companies love that idiot.
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