Author Topic: To All My Valued Employees  (Read 2371 times)

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Offline USA4ME

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To All My Valued Employees
« on: January 09, 2009, 09:04:57 PM »
To All My Valued Employees,

There have been some rumblings around the office about the future of this company, and more specifically, your job. As you know, the economy has changed for the worse and presents many challenges. However, the good news is this: The economy doesn't pose a threat to your job. What does threaten your job however, is the changing political landscape in this country.

However, let me tell you some little tidbits of fact which might help you decide what is in your best interests.

First, while it is easy to spew rhetoric that casts employers against employees, you have to understand that for every business owner there is a back story. This back story is often neglected and overshadowed by what you see and hear. Sure, you see me park my Mercedes outside. You've seen my big home at last years Christmas party. I'm sure; all these flashy icons of luxury conjure up some idealized thoughts about my life.

However, what you don't see is the back story.

I started this company 28 years ago. At that time, I lived in a 300 square foot studio apartment for 3 years. My entire living apartment was converted into an office so I could put forth 100% effort into building a company, which by the way, would eventually employ you.

My diet consisted of Ramen Pride noodles because every dollar I spent went back into this company. I drove a rusty Toyota Corolla with a defective transmission. I didn't have time to date. Often times, I stayed home on weekends, while my friends went out drinking and partying. In fact, I was married to my business -- hard work, discipline, and sacrifice.

Meanwhile, my friends got jobs. They worked 40 hours a week and made a modest $50K a year and spent every dime they earned. They drove flashy cars and lived in expensive homes and wore fancy designer clothes. Instead of hitting the Nordstrom's for the latest hot fashion item, I was trolling through the discount store extracting any clothing item that didn't look like it was birthed in the 70's. My friends refinanced their mortgages and lived a life of luxury. I, however, did not. I put my time, my money, and my life into a business with a vision that eventually, some day, I too, will be able to afford these luxuries my friends supposedly had.

So, while you physically arrive at the office at 9am, mentally check in at about noon, and then leave at 5pm, I don't. There is no "off" button for me. When you leave the office, you are done and you have a weekend all to yourself. I unfortunately do not have the freedom. I eat, and breathe this company every minute of the day. There is no rest. There is no weekend. There is no happy hour. Every day this business is attached to my hip like a 1 year old special-needs child. You, of course, only see the fruits of that garden -- the nice house, the Mercedes, the vacations... you never realize the back story and the sacrifices I've made.

Now, the economy is falling apart and I, the guy that made all the right decisions and saved his money, have to bail-out all the people who didn't. The people that overspent their paychecks suddenly feel entitled to the same luxuries that I earned and sacrificed a decade of my life for.

Yes, business ownership has is benefits but the price I've paid is steep and not without wounds.

Unfortunately, the cost of running this business, and employing you, is starting to eclipse the threshold of marginal benefit and let me tell you why:

I am being taxed to death and the government thinks I don't pay enough. I have state taxes. Federal taxes. Property taxes. Sales and use taxes. Payroll taxes. Workers compensation taxes. Unemployment taxes. Taxes on taxes. I have to hire a tax man to manage all these taxes and then guess what? I have to pay taxes for employing him. Government mandates and regulations and all the accounting that goes with it, now occupy most of my time. On Oct 15th, I wrote a check to the US Treasury for $288,000 for quarterly taxes. You know what my "stimulus" check was? Zero. Nada. Zilch.

The question I have is this: Who is stimulating the economy? Me, the guy who has provided 14 people good paying jobs and serves over 2,200,000 people per year with a flourishing business? Or, the single mother sitting at home pregnant with her fourth child waiting for her next welfare check? Obviously, government feels the latter is the economic stimulus of this country.

The fact is, if I deducted (Read: Stole) 50% of your paycheck you'd quit and you wouldn't work here. I mean, why should you? That's nuts. Who wants to get rewarded only 50% of their hard work? Well, I agree which is why your job is in jeopardy.

Here is what many of you don't understand ... to stimulate the economy you need to stimulate what runs the economy. Had suddenly government mandated to me that I didn't need to pay taxes, guess what? Instead of depositing that $288,000 into the Washington black-hole, I would have spent it, hired more employees, and generated substantial economic growth. My employees would have enjoyed the wealth of that tax cut in the form of promotions and better salaries. But you can forget it now.

When you have a comatose man on the verge of death, you don't defibrillate and shock his thumb thinking that will bring him back to life, do you? Or, do you defibrillate his heart? Business is at the heart of America and always has been. To restart it, you must stimulate it, not kill it. Suddenly, the power brokers in Washington believe the poor of America are the essential drivers of the American economic engine. Nothing could be further from the truth and this is the type of change you can keep.

So where am I going with all this?

It's quite simple.

If any new taxes are levied on me, or my company, my reaction will be swift and simple. I fire you. I fire your co-workers. You can then plead with the government to pay for your mortgage, your SUV, and your child's future. Frankly, it isn't my problem any more.

Then, I will close this company down, move to another country, and retire. You see, I'm done. I'm done with a country that penalizes the productive and gives to the unproductive. My motivation to work and to provide jobs will be destroyed, and with it, will be my citizenship.

So, if you lose your job, it won't be at the hands of the economy; it will be at the hands of a political hurricane that swept through this country, steamrolled the constitution, and will have changed its landscape forever. If that happens, you can find me sitting on a beach, retired, and with no employees to worry about....

Signed,
Your boss

(rec'd via e-mail)

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Because third world peasant labor is a good thing.

Offline SaintLouieWoman

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Re: To All My Valued Employees
« Reply #1 on: January 09, 2009, 10:55:30 PM »
There was an article in out local lib rag, the STL Post-Dispatch. I was surprised to see it there. It seems there's a local housewife who years ago started a little business in her home. She made cute little barrettes for kids. She wanted something cutesie for her little girl, so she made barrettes to hold the kids hair back with little paintings, bows, etc. She marketed them to some upscale boutiques in this area.

Then her business grew. She hired many people, at minimum wage but with good benefits. Her business expanded from barrettes to hair ribbons. She was putting out about $6m worth of little trinkets annually. Then the minimum wage was raised. Her biz went into the red.

The eeeevil woman ended up outsourcing the manufacture of her product to Mexico. Her employees were very upset. They enjoyed working for her.

So they learned basic economics. If the cost of production is too high, the employees end up losing their jobs. I wonder if the pols ever think of this before they raise those minimum wages? Just wondering. So was the lib reporter who wrote the article. Perhaps this put it so simply that even a reporter could understand the basic economic principles.

Offline NHSparky

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Re: To All My Valued Employees
« Reply #2 on: January 10, 2009, 07:55:02 AM »
No, we live in a society where even burger flippers are entitled to free healthcare, new cars every year, and a vacation house on the lake, and someone else (read: evil Rethuglicans) to pay for it all.../DU mode
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Offline DumbAss Tanker

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Re: To All My Valued Employees
« Reply #3 on: January 10, 2009, 08:15:43 AM »
While I understand the political point in this little morality story perfectly well, only a complete moron would waste a couple of hours of his 'Valuable executive time' composing a communication to all his employees telling them that all that he has no sense of personal loyalty to any of them no matter what their past contributions might have been, and that he essentially regards them as a not-particularly-valuable disposable commodity.

Of course in the real world, with very few exceptions, businesses and organizations are totally devoid of loyalty downward but at the same time expect it upward.  The illusion most employees work under, i.e. that their organization would actually lift a finger for them if it was going to cost the organization a buck, does greatly enhance employee productivity, and a wise organization manager is normally therefore loathe to shatter the illusion.   
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That here, obedient to their law, we lie.

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Offline docstew

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Re: To All My Valued Employees
« Reply #4 on: January 10, 2009, 11:06:37 PM »
No, we live in a society where even burger flippers are entitled to free healthcare, new cars every year, and a vacation house on the lake, and someone else (read: evil Rethuglicans) to pay for it all.../DU mode

because 35 hour work weeks and six week vacations have worked so well for the french

Offline Chris_

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Re: To All My Valued Employees
« Reply #5 on: January 11, 2009, 12:47:10 AM »
While I understand the political point in this little morality story perfectly well, only a complete moron would waste a couple of hours of his 'Valuable executive time' composing a communication to all his employees telling them that all that he has no sense of personal loyalty to any of them no matter what their past contributions might have been, and that he essentially regards them as a not-particularly-valuable disposable commodity.

Of course in the real world, with very few exceptions, businesses and organizations are totally devoid of loyalty downward but at the same time expect it upward.  The illusion most employees work under, i.e. that their organization would actually lift a finger for them if it was going to cost the organization a buck, does greatly enhance employee productivity, and a wise organization manager is normally therefore loathe to shatter the illusion.   

Well, he is getting out of business and has no need to curry favor with his now ex-employees. I think this is supposed to direct anger at the government more than reflect anger at the employees.

Besides, this is one of those "I would love to write this letter" letters.  Like late night very long posts.
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Offline docstew

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Re: To All My Valued Employees
« Reply #6 on: January 11, 2009, 07:44:59 AM »
Well, he is getting out of business and has no need to curry favor with his now ex-employees. I think this is supposed to direct anger at the government more than reflect anger at the employees.

Besides, this is one of those "I would love to write this letter" letters.  Like late night very long posts.

All the same, I would think the right time to give that to them is the same day you tell them you're closing up shop

Offline DumbAss Tanker

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Re: To All My Valued Employees
« Reply #7 on: January 11, 2009, 08:35:28 AM »
It's just a "Letter I'd like to write" kind of thing, but it doesn't say he's closing the company down, he is just threatening to do that if he gets hit with any more taxes...a perfect recipe to get any of the real talent that is making his company work currently bale immediately, and take everything they can hold in their head to the competition.  It would of course also crush the morale of anyone who actually is foolish enough to be a loyal employee for him.  So, he might as well go ahead and close it down, because 14 employees will immediately begin looking for work elsewhere as soon as they read this, and taking any trade secrets, client lists, proprietary information, and personal dirt on him with them when they go.

It's more of a "Letter a complete fool would like to write," because it is threatening the only people who are actually on his side with dire consequences if things completely beyond their control occur, for no reason except to grandstand how much they owe him.  His boogey-man of business failure would be a self-fulfilling prophecy.   
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Offline MrsSmith

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Re: To All My Valued Employees
« Reply #8 on: January 11, 2009, 12:05:04 PM »
No one should actually send that to his/her employees...but the points are valid and more people really need to understand them.
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Offline Tess

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Re: To All My Valued Employees
« Reply #9 on: January 14, 2009, 10:54:48 PM »
This spells out our mind set, to a T!  As employers that is most definitely how we are viewing things at this time.
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Offline Rebel

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Re: To All My Valued Employees
« Reply #10 on: January 14, 2009, 11:06:23 PM »
While I understand the political point in this little morality story perfectly well, only a complete moron would waste a couple of hours of his 'Valuable executive time' composing a communication to all his employees telling them that all that he has no sense of personal loyalty to any of them no matter what their past contributions might have been, and that he essentially regards them as a not-particularly-valuable disposable commodity.

Why? We do it here all the time. It's clear that he/she is venting.
NAMBLA is a left-wing organization.

Quote
There's a reason why patriotism is considered a conservative value. Watch a Tea Party rally and you'll see people proudly raising the American flag and showing pride in U.S. heroes such as Thomas Jefferson. Watch an OWS rally and you'll see people burning the American flag while showing pride in communist heroes such as Che Guevera. --Bob, from some news site

Offline LC EFA

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Re: To All My Valued Employees
« Reply #11 on: January 15, 2009, 12:17:51 AM »
There was an article in out local lib rag, the STL Post-Dispatch. I was surprised to see it there. It seems there's a local housewife who years ago started a little business in her home. She made cute little barrettes for kids. She wanted something cutesie for her little girl, so she made barrettes to hold the kids hair back with little paintings, bows, etc. She marketed them to some upscale boutiques in this area.

Then her business grew. She hired many people, at minimum wage but with good benefits. Her business expanded from barrettes to hair ribbons. She was putting out about $6m worth of little trinkets annually. Then the minimum wage was raised. Her biz went into the red.

The eeeevil woman ended up outsourcing the manufacture of her product to Mexico. Her employees were very upset. They enjoyed working for her.

So they learned basic economics. If the cost of production is too high, the employees end up losing their jobs. I wonder if the pols ever think of this before they raise those minimum wages? Just wondering. So was the lib reporter who wrote the article. Perhaps this put it so simply that even a reporter could understand the basic economic principles.

You're talking about people who can suggest and vote for their own salary increases... Then vote to increase taxation to pay for them. Their "customers" have little say in the proceedings, and can't readily shop elsewhere if the cost is too great.

This makes them both the employees and the employers all in one package. Thus their concept of what goes on in the "real world" is somewhat skewed.

Offline Chris_

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Re: To All My Valued Employees
« Reply #12 on: January 15, 2009, 02:16:40 AM »
No one should actually send that to his/her employees...but the points are valid and more people really need to understand them.

OK, Mrs. Smith!!  Lets do it here on the cafeteria floor!

You are so sexy when you are right!  And better when your Right is right!
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline DumbAss Tanker

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Re: To All My Valued Employees
« Reply #13 on: January 15, 2009, 08:31:01 AM »
Why? We do it here all the time. It's clear that he/she is venting.

Your financial success does not depend on how anyone here feels about your rants.
Go and tell the Spartans, O traveler passing by
That here, obedient to their law, we lie.

Anything worth shooting once is worth shooting at least twice.

Offline LC EFA

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Re: To All My Valued Employees
« Reply #14 on: January 27, 2009, 06:13:01 PM »
The DU discovered this letter, and have presented a "progressive response"

Quote
ihavenobias  Donating Member  (1000+ posts)    Tue Jan-27-09 03:40 PM
Original message
An AWESOME Response To A Conservative Mass Email(!)

Edited on Tue Jan-27-09 03:56 PM by ihavenobias
The first email you'll see is the conservative email template a friend at TYT.com received (Quick FYI, The TYT youtube account has been suspended, more details as I know them). I'll clearly mark where his response email (same format) begins. Enjoy!

The Conservative email:

To All My Valued Employees.

There have been some rumblings around the office about the future of this company, and more specifically, your jobs. As you know, the economy has changed for the worse and presents many challenges. However, the good news is this: The economy doesn't pose a threat to your job. What does threaten your job however, is the changing political landscape in this country.

[snip]

Signed,

Your boss


The Progressive Response To The Conservative Email:

To All My Valued Employers.

Thank you for your words explaining your life story and how you got where you are today. Yes, we have been "rumbling" about the future of this company because we are paid at existence level wages and if the company goes under, we will all be up the creek - but we will take comfort in knowing that you took the paddle with you. At least we'll know it's safe.

You'll be pleased to know that your Toyota Corolla is still serving even though you dumped it for the new Mercedes you get every year - you see, I drive it here to work every day. It's all I can afford, but it gets me here and back so that I may make the products you sell which enable your nice house and new car. Oh, and the transmission is still defective. Wish I could afford to get it fixed; it's a good, dependable car and with what YOU pay, I can't afford a newer one.

We appreciate that you acknowledge our sacrifices in life so that you might live more prosperously, even though you appear to have nothing but contempt for your employees with your implication that we don't actually do any work, all we do is show up and expect a paycheck. Yet, there is still product flowing out the door. Thank goodness for Magical Elves doing all the work, huh?

So, 28 years ago your friends were making a "modest" $50k per year at only 40 hours per week...are there any of those jobs still available? We ask because it would be a step up from the job we have with you that pays $28k for 40 hours. (And that's in TODAY'S economy.) Oh, and we stay at home weekends a lot, too. We would date more, but for some reason, the people we date don't appreciate a Big Mac dining experience the way folks used to.

Now the economy is falling apart and you are asking the people who keep income flowing your way to sacrifice so you can still get your new car next year.

As you say, you have, "state taxes, Federal taxes, Property taxes, Sales and use taxes, Payroll taxes, Workers compensation taxes, Unemployment taxes, Taxes on taxes. I have to hire a tax man to manage all these taxes and then guess what? I have to pay taxes for employing him." Oddly, all of those items help your bottom line because you deduct them from YOUR taxes and take your depreciation allowance, interest deductions, and all those other expenses of running your business. I used to be able to deduct my mortgage interest, but since the interest rates rose faster than my pay, the foreclosure ended that. My landlord still gets HIS deduction, though, thank goodness!

You may want to check to see if your accountant is stealing from you because it's impossible for 14 of us to rack up $21,000 EACH in tax requirements during the last quarter. For someone who seems obsessed with their business, you are fairly oblivious to what's going on with your finances. Of the $288,000 you say you deposited, how much of it will you be getting back when you file you taxes and deduct every penny of it?

That single mother pregnant with her fourth child waiting for a welfare check? Well, she used to work here, but was fired when her babysitter got sick and your reaction was that it wasn't your problem. She's been trying ever since to get a job but when people see she was fired, they assume it was due to nefarious reasons. And thanks to the welfare reforms passed over a decade ago, she has a limited time to collect those safety net checks before she is cut loose to swim on her own or drown.

What color Mercedes are you going with this year, by the way?

Why was it when George Bush gave you the tax cuts you desired, instead of raising our wages or hiring new employees, you put that money in your pocket? Incredibly stimulating, wasn't it? What in the world would lead us to think that you would do anything differently if you receive another round of tax cuts? Would you start offering affordable health care? Didn't think so.

If you don't think the "poor" run our economic engine, try running a business WITHOUT them. Who do you think you are selling your product to? Who does the work which enables you to live the lifestyle you've become accustomed to? Yet you disrespect our contributions and accuse us of defrauding you because we have the nerve to want to be paid for our efforts. (You know, we are called THE WORKING CLASS for a REASON).

So, if you only make 3/4 of a million dollars instead of the full million, your motivation to work and to provide jobs will disappear and you will run off to another country, huh? And you expect us to blame the GOVERNMENT?

What a whiny, snivelling, greedy, inconsiderate coward you are! You make it clear that you DON'T give a damn about your employees and their worries were NEVER yours, yet you don't mind exploiting us for every penny you can gather.

So, close your company, move to another country, and retire. Spend the riches we have helped you to accumulate. Turn your back on your country - we'll be better off without you. We're at a time when everyone needs to pitch in together to fix the problems the "Free Market" has caused and if you would rather cry in your Dom about how abused YOU are because you can only have steak four times a week instead of five, don't let America's door hit you in the ass on your way out...

Putz.

Signed,

The hard working employees who keep your company going

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php?action=post;topic=20495.0;num_replies=13

The Conservative Response To The Progressive Response To The Conservative Email

Dear Employee#1234A

It is noted by management that you posted this note at 0340 PM on a work day.

One can only assume that you were not, as stated "working" at this time.

The good people in my security staff are clearly more vigilant than your good self as they noted you were indeed on the clock, and that you had indeed been using company resources to post a screed against your employer.  They also noted in passing that while the gold rims recently installed on your Toyota Corolla look very upmarket, it is still leaking oil onto the parking lot that I installed and maintain. This tells me that you haven't replaced the $0.30 sump washer I told you it needed.

This being your third strike since starting here 2 weeks ago also signals the end of our working relationship.

This shouldn't concern you at all. You clearly have a mighty intellect and will be pleased to move onto a new employer that will pay you what you believe you are worth. I will hire a new basket weaver to replace you from the selection of resumes that arrive daily from people begging for a job.

Security has already emptied your desk; the contents being 1 packet cheetos , 1 little red book, well worn. These are in a box with reception.

The small bag of some organic material was turned over the local police station. I'm sure you can retrieve it from them at your leisure.

Best Wishes.

Your Conservative (former) Employer.

Offline Rebel

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Re: To All My Valued Employees
« Reply #15 on: January 27, 2009, 06:16:24 PM »
 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

NAMBLA is a left-wing organization.

Quote
There's a reason why patriotism is considered a conservative value. Watch a Tea Party rally and you'll see people proudly raising the American flag and showing pride in U.S. heroes such as Thomas Jefferson. Watch an OWS rally and you'll see people burning the American flag while showing pride in communist heroes such as Che Guevera. --Bob, from some news site

Offline Chris_

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Re: To All My Valued Employees
« Reply #16 on: January 27, 2009, 06:21:06 PM »
The DU discovered this letter, and have presented a "progressive response"

The Conservative Response To The Progressive Response To The Conservative Email

Dear Employee#1234A

It is noted by management that you posted this note at 0340 PM on a work day.

One can only assume that you were not, as stated "working" at this time.

The good people in my security staff are clearly more vigilant than your good self as they noted you were indeed on the clock, and that you had indeed been using company resources to post a screed against your employer.  They also noted in passing that while the gold rims recently installed on your Toyota Corolla look very upmarket, it is still leaking oil onto the parking lot that I installed and maintain. This tells me that you haven't replaced the $0.30 sump washer I told you it needed.

This being your third strike since starting here 2 weeks ago also signals the end of our working relationship.

This shouldn't concern you at all. You clearly have a mighty intellect and will be pleased to move onto a new employer that will pay you what you believe you are worth. I will hire a new basket weaver to replace you from the selection of resumes that arrive daily from people begging for a job.

Security has already emptied your desk; the contents being 1 packet cheetos , 1 little red book, well worn. These are in a box with reception.

The small bag of some organic material was turned over the local police station. I'm sure you can retrieve it from them at your leisure.

Best Wishes.

Your Conservative (former) Employer.


Response from the ex-employee

Dear Bugiouse Capitalist Running Dog:

You will be the first against the wall when the Revolution comes!

Viva Che!  Viva Stalin! Viva obama!  Viva biden!  Viva pelosi!  Viva matthews!

Sincerely, your employee.


PS: can I get a good referral?  I have a line on a job at the midnight shift at a 99 cent store but they need my resume and I can't have a break in my history.
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline Tess

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Re: To All My Valued Employees
« Reply #17 on: January 29, 2009, 09:12:00 PM »
Response from the ex-employee

Dear Bugiouse Capitalist Running Dog:

You will be the first against the wall when the Revolution comes!

Viva Che!  Viva Stalin! Viva obama!  Viva biden!  Viva pelosi!  Viva matthews!

Sincerely, your employee.


PS: can I get a good referral?  I have a line on a job at the midnight shift at a 99 cent store but they need my resume and I can't have a break in my history.

:lmao:

We just posted a position for one of our sign companies.  My husband put it on Craigs List.  We had 15 emails with resumes within two days.  It has been a week now and we have had another 15.  In today's economy it really isn't a good idea to feel like you can just get a job anywhere and thumb your nose at the boss.  The boss may drive a nicer car (we actually don't - one of our fulfillment gals drives a brand new mustang and her husband has a brand new truck but they are strapped because of their car payments) but the boss also works weekends, nights, during vacation, or may not even take a vacation.  From one of those bosses who may be categorized by those DUmmies what they don't get is they may complain that they have a "peon" job but there is definitely something that separates those who own companies and those who work for hourly wages or may be worried about their middle management position that won't be there when the cuts have to be made.   We have had 20 people come to us since the beginning of the year looking for a job.  At this time we 1099 our employees.  This is how we are able to weed out employees that have that DU mentality so we can get people who actually WANT jobs and are willing to be productive.  When you are the boss, you can be more selective, especially in this economy.  Now is not really the time to get snotty with the boss.  They just don't get it, do they.  I guess they can "high-five" each other all the way to McDonalds where they can work with the 17 year old shift manager who emotes fry-grease from every pore.
Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.

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Offline JohnnyReb

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Re: To All My Valued Employees
« Reply #18 on: January 30, 2009, 08:23:22 AM »
Dear Overvalued Employee:

You are costing me more than you make me. So.......

Buh-Bye
The Boss.

P.S. You should already know the drill about the door........you've already been through that so many times before.
“The American people will never knowingly adopt socialism. But, under the name of ‘liberalism’, they will adopt every fragment of the socialist program, until one day America will be a socialist nation, without knowing how it happened.” - Norman Thomas, U.S. Socialist Party presidential candidate 1940, 1944 and 1948

"America is like a healthy body and its resistance is threefold: its patriotism, its morality, and its spiritual life. If we can undermine these three areas, America will collapse from within."  Stalin