the locust primitive's going to have an awkward Christmas

[franksolich]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/11514776

Oh my.

I try staying away from the crazy forum on Skins's island--it's too much like shooting fish in a barrel, too easy--but damn, the whole place is boring as Hell tonight, and so one has to go and take what one can get.

The cooking and baking forum's about as lively as a nursing home at midnight.

Locut0s (4,535 posts)    Mon Dec 9, 2013, 09:13 PM

This is going to be an awkward Christmas...

By now my family at large, aunts, uncles, cousins etc largely know that I dropped school again. They know I have "issues" but I've never come out and really told anyone anything in detail. They know how many times I've dropped school of course and the fact that I still live at home, they know a little about me having depression, but not much more than that. A couple know more than others do.

I know a few of my cousins and other relatives would just not, DO not, understand. One cousin has always been particularly condescending towards me ever since my problems have become more widely known. She means well I guess but she treats me like a 6 year old and wants to "fix me". That family has always been about success success success anyway and every time I meet them they want to know "what are you doing, what have you done" obviously nothing or very little but they always make a point of asking. Then they go on to wallow in their own achievements. I remember talking to said cousin when I was working 7-11 way back, a time I was doing MUCH better emotionally than now, and she actually said "I couldn't do that, I guess I'm always just focused on the 'bigger picture'" blah blah blah.

Anyway as always we will be having everyone over for Christmas dinner and going over to their houses. I'm used to feeling like a failure in their presence but I've been particularly beaten down these past few months. So yeah these family dinners are going to be awkward for me. I'm actually still looking forward to Christmas otherwise. I really wish I could just skip them and have dinner with my immediate family but that would just look worse, they would enquire about what's wrong, why I'm not there etc.
 
How do you handle these types of things?

HereSince1628 (27,825 posts)    Mon Dec 9, 2013, 09:25 PM

1. I handle them by not being in attendance

That has consequences, of course.

I learned of my father's death 3 years after it happened from a grade school friend who happened on my fb page.
 
But, I guess it worked out ok, because I didn't have to deal with anyone at that funeral either.

Locut0s (4,535 posts)    Mon Dec 9, 2013, 09:34 PM

3. Yeah that's not really an option yet...

If I were off living on my own I could make up some excuse and do that. But they all know I live with my parents 24/7. I need to fix that soon of course but it's not happening before Christmas. I suspect once I finally DO set out on my own and live as a real adult I will cut off ties with the rest of my family more, not like you did entirely but I have little interest in communicating with anyone but my immediate parents.
 
But I'm probably just going to have to grin and bear it.

enough (7,387 posts)    Mon Dec 9, 2013, 09:34 PM

2. Over many years of life, I have decided not to allow holidays to cause too much suffering.

Why not do just what you say you really want to do this year: "skip them and have dinner with my immediate family."
 
You say that "would just look worse." But at some point we have to live our real lives, not live for the way things "look" to others.
 
The fact is, nobody outside your immediate family cares that much what you do, and you really have to ask yourself why you make yourself do things you don't want to do because you think other people in your family will judge you. There is absolutely no hope of finding a stable path in life until you give up worrying about what outsiders may or may not think of you.

polly7 (9,223 posts)   Mon Dec 9, 2013, 09:45 PM

4. I'm sorry Locut0s

I know how hard it is to deal with family that doesn't understand. I went through a really, horrible time after my Dad's suicide, and finding him, and my family just couldn't understand why I was doing so poorly with it after so long. It was me who took him to doctors, specialists, helped him daily and watched him become more and more depressed, as he'd never been sick in his life until this new blood disease. I knew he was afraid and didn't want to put the rest of us through watching him suffer. Anyway ... I handled it, at first, by completely isolating ... I was in no state, really, to even care I had family.
 
They all had someone to turn to ... I was alone. But then, as you say .... the questions started .... so, when are you getting back to work, what have you been up to, etc. etc. I couldn't go back to the ambulance then on emergency calls as I was getting absolutely no sleep d/t anxiety and depression, so I just started back to taking transfers back and forth to the city. Then I began making dolls ...... of all things! I never had, or played with a doll in my life, but have always been artistic, so painting, baking and making these dolls was somewhat of a time-filler and therapy for me. And at least I could tell them I was busy, busy! (exaggerating, I wasn't all that busy) making dolls to sell. I also started doing books again for a small oil company which mostly doesn't take too much time, but they don't have to know that.
 
I guess, really ...... I have no advice other than to try not to let what they say bother you and DO NOT EVER FEEL GUILTY for not achieving what they say they have. It's sad there's such a stigma still attached to depression and ptsd, etc. because it's no different than having any other illness that needs treated, and your family would do well to educate themselves on it, because it can happen to their own children, or even themselves. I hope others have good advice.

De Leonist (40 posts)    Tue Dec 10, 2013, 10:36 AM

5. I gotta echo this

Most people who've never had endure to these struggles have no ****ing right to judge you. Nor should you feel obligated to take their feelings into account. Locutos, aside from that the only advice I can say is this. Tell them that you have been dealing with deep depression and that they have no right to judge you. If this bothers them tell them the truth, they are idiots.

[BattleHymn]

HereSince1628 (27,825 posts)    Mon Dec 9, 2013, 09:25 PM

1. I handle them by not being in attendance

That has consequences, of course.

I learned of my father's death 3 years after it happened from a grade school friend who happened on my fb page.
 
But, I guess it worked out ok, because I didn't have to deal with anyone at that funeral either.

What is wrong with you people? 

[Freeper]

Get a job, stick with that job, even if you still stay with mommy and daddy you will start feeling better about yourself the more you work. Then maybe someday you will be able to make it on your own.

[Chris_]

How do you handle these types of things?

Keep your head down and volunteer to do the dishes.

[Purple Sage]

What is wrong with you people? 

Bottom of the food chain loser.  This guy is as big of a loser as one can get and has the nerve to whine about having to face up to being a loser.  Did it ever occur to this loser to get motivated and DO something to avoid being a loser and having to face the music?  Evidently not.  He is deserving of his annual humiliation.

[Bad Dog]

The good news is, that this sad little diseased tendril on the human family tree will never procreate. 

[BannedFromDU]

     OK, let's do this.

     I am well acquainted with a family practice doctor who sees a number of children every day. Many times, a child will present with minor, nonspecific symptoms, and in a certain number of cases,
the doctor writes a note on the patient record: FLK. This note, FLK, accompanies other notes regarding the symptoms the child may have, and that becomes part of the medical record.

     FLK, which is only applied to the records of certain children, has a very specific meaning.

     Funny Looking Kid.

     I have seen a picture of Loconuts. Loconuts, you are a Funny Looking Kid. In addition to all the weird shit wrong with you, you are misshapen and odd to the extent that you are the Noah Joad lookingest mother****er in the world. Something happened to you at birth. Something horrible. Give up. You have no hope.

[GOBUCKS]

     
I have seen a picture of Loconuts. Loconuts, you are a Funny Looking Kid. In addition to all the weird shit wrong with you, you are misshapen and odd to the extent that you are the Noah Joad lookingest mother****er in the world. Something happened to you at birth. Something horrible. Give up. You have no hope.

LocoNuts is indeed an odd-looking individual.

Not quite as weird-looking as Pam Dawson, but definitely the victim of some kind of genetic accident.

Of course part of LocoNuts's strange appearance may be the result of his parentage.

I believe he's part Chinese, as he's mentioned sometimes speaking that barbaric language at home.

He looks half-Chinese/half Pekingese.

At least his family is in Canada, not Red China.

It'd be pretty awful if you were limited by law to one child and it turned out to be LocoNuts.

[BannedFromDU]

LocoNuts is indeed an odd-looking individual.

Not quite as weird-looking as Pam Dawson, but definitely the victim of some kind of genetic accident.

Of course part of LocoNuts's strange appearance may be the result of his parentage.

I believe he's part Chinese, as he's mentioned sometimes speaking that barbaric language at home.

He looks half-Chinese/half Pekingese.

At least his family is in Canada, not Red China.

It'd be pretty awful if you were limited by law to one child and it turned out to be LocoNuts.

     Then he must have been yanked from the womb with chopsticks instead of forceps.

     As for Pam, I regret to inform you that I just imagined not only her possible offspring with Loconuts, but the act of conception itself. Sad, sorrowful, pitiful, unlikely, horrible, unfathomable conception.

     I'm sorry, guys.

[BattleHymn]

I have seen LocoNuts' parents, and they look normal.  Imagine how they must feel. 

[BlueStateSaint]

As for Pam, I regret to inform you that I just imagined not only her possible offspring with Loconuts, but the act of conception itself. Sad, sorrowful, pitiful, unlikely, horrible, unfathomable conception.

[EagleKeeper]

Locut0s (4,535 posts)    Mon Dec 9, 2013, 09:13 PM

One cousin has always been particularly condescending towards me ever since my problems have become more widely known. She means well I guess but she treats me like a 6 year old and wants to "fix me".

Loconuts, I think it's pretty clear, and you would indeed concur...you need fixing.

When one is so in need of "fixing" it's not condescension. If your wish is to remain a "manchild" then I can see where the fixing part can be a bit vexing.

But I know, just as much as you know, that you need fixing. I believe in my heart that you want to be fixed but you just can not be bothered with the process.

There is no pill for you, no reset button, but hey...look at it this way...you are rockin that basement like few manchildren can!

Oh, BTW, I almost forgot to ask...do your parents own a shotgun?

[diesel driver]

Locut0s (4,535 posts)    Mon Dec 9, 2013, 09:13 PM
 One cousin has always been particularly condescending towards me ever since my problems have become more widely known. She means well I guess but she treats me like a 6 year old and wants to "fix me".

She treats you exactly how you act, numbnuts.  If you'd act like an adult, you'd be treated like an adult.

Act like a whiny bitch of a 6 year old...well.  There ya go.

As far as the "fix me" part, I want to quote one of America's more prominent politicians, Nancy "Popeye" Pelosi:

"Embrace the suck!"

No one can "fix" you, except you, and apparently, you have no real desire to be "fixed", you only want to whine, bitch, and moan on a public forum filled with retards, rejects, and mental midgets like yourself, losers and moochers who couldn't/wouldn't survive if their "meal ticket" were to disappear, be it family or government.

That day will be a glorious day, indeed!   

[Big Dog]

Loconuts...do your parents own a shotgun?

Pretzel Dick has one, and he's just down the road in Bellevue, Washington.

C'mon, Pretzeler, smuggle that big, bad 12 gauge across the border and put a fellow DUmpmonkey out of his misery!

[Dori]

I would go skiing for Christmas if I was Loconuts.   

[GOBUCKS]

Locut0s (4,535 posts)   
Mon Dec 9, 2013, 09:13 PM

One cousin has always been particularly condescending towards me ever since my problems have become more widely known. She means well I guess but she treats me like a 6 year old and wants to "fix me".

LocoNuts, please, don't be so dense!

She's using the term the way one does when taking a puppy to the vet to be "fixed".

[Bad Dog]

LocoNuts, please, don't be so dense!

She's using the term the way one does when taking a puppy to the vet to be "fixed".

I'm not so sure about that.  Neutering, the removal of testicles, requires the actual existence of testicles in the first place.

[JohnnyReb]

I'm not so sure about that.  Neutering, the removal of testicles, requires the actual existence of testicles in the first place.

Just because he doesn't have a  sack doesn't mean he doesn't have them.....he just never matured enough for them to come down.

[BattleHymn]

Just because he doesn't have a  sack doesn't mean he doesn't have them.....he just never matured enough for them to come down.

My guess is that removal of his testicles is going to require some exploratory surgery.  Once there, they will discover a pair of ovaries instead.

[Bad Dog]

My guess is that removal of his testicles is going to require some exploratory surgery.  Once there, they will discover a pair of ovaries instead.

To quote a recent DUmmie post, then he would have to be "sprayed".

[JohnnyReb]

My guess is that removal of his testicles is going to require some exploratory surgery.  Once there, they will discover a pair of ovaries instead.

May I do the surgery.....I need the practice....I figure Obamacare has a place for surgeons like me.

[I_B_Perky]

Locut0s (4,535 posts)    Mon Dec 9, 2013, 09:13 PM

This is going to be an awkward Christmas...

By now my family at large, aunts, uncles, cousins etc largely know that I dropped school again. They know I have "issues" but I've never come out and really told anyone anything in detail. They know how many times I've dropped school of course and the fact that I still live at home, they know a little about me having depression, but not much more than that. A couple know more than others do.

I know a few of my cousins and other relatives would just not, DO not, understand. One cousin has always been particularly condescending towards me ever since my problems have become more widely known. She means well I guess but she treats me like a 6 year old and wants to "fix me". That family has always been about success success success anyway and every time I meet them they want to know "what are you doing, what have you done" obviously nothing or very little but they always make a point of asking. Then they go on to wallow in their own achievements. I remember talking to said cousin when I was working 7-11 way back, a time I was doing MUCH better emotionally than now, and she actually said "I couldn't do that, I guess I'm always just focused on the 'bigger picture'" blah blah blah.

Anyway as always we will be having everyone over for Christmas dinner and going over to their houses. I'm used to feeling like a failure in their presence but I've been particularly beaten down these past few months. So yeah these family dinners are going to be awkward for me. I'm actually still looking forward to Christmas otherwise. I really wish I could just skip them and have dinner with my immediate family but that would just look worse, they would enquire about what's wrong, why I'm not there etc.
 

Maybe that is because you ARE a failure?  Look loser... sooner or later mommy and daddy will no longer be there and when that happens... then what are you gonna do?  Get off your ass and get a job. Even if it's digging a ditch. Otherwise you are gonna end up like LFR or Bobbo the Hobo when your parents finally do take the eternal dirt nap.

[Chris_]

Maybe that is because you ARE a failure?  Look loser... sooner or later mommy and daddy will no longer be there and when that happens... then what are you gonna do?  Get off your ass and get a job. Even if it's digging a ditch. Otherwise you are gonna end up like LFR or Bobbo the Hobo when your parents finally do take the eternal dirt nap.

I imagine his parents are fairly young.  He has plenty of time to sponge off them until they kick the bucket and he makes good in the will.

[freedumb2003b]

Get a job, stick with that job, even if you still stay with mommy and daddy you will start feeling better about yourself the more you work. Then maybe someday you will be able to make it on your own.

How can you do that when everyone around you keeps talking about "success success success??!!??"

Don't you realize how hard it is to continue to be a failure when people keep stressing that?

Success, living on your own, owning your own life, not being FORCED by being pulled by your ear into the dining room on holidays -- all are stupid and overrated!

[freedumb2003b]

I imagine his parents are fairly young.  He has plenty of time to sponge off them until they kick the bucket and he makes good in the will.

I hope they are mortgaged to the hilt (reverse mortgage would be PERFECT) and took multiple trips around the world and leave no estate of any real value when loc0nuts' parents pass -- even better may they have a LOOOONG life!