Author Topic: Top DUmmies (Primitives) of 2009: #04 undergroundpanther (Read 9526 times)

franksolich · « **on:** December 22, 2009, 04:56:22 PM »

04. undergroundpanther, also known as the subway cat, a les risibles primitive. Mid-40s, lives in an affluent suburb of Baltimore, stout, and despite all appearances and self-delusions, a female. Has a mother who used to live with her; also at least one, but probably two, sisters. As with the phalloscraping primitive, the "philoraptor" primitive, once known as the "MoPaul" primitive, has sporadic absences from Skins's island, due to her being in a big building with small rooms with soft walls.

Wants to be a male, and a cat.

Lives off the taxpayers, although physically capable of working.

All the above statistical information provided by the winner.

If anyone has the link to her web-site, please post it.

It's, uh, rather bizarre.

The subway cat lives in a house owned by her mother, a widow. Her mother used to live in the same house, but moved away some years ago to a rented house, because the woman was terrified of all the "friends" the subway cat was having there; a quite reasonable fear for a woman up in years with a deranged middle-aged daughter and a lot of weird people hanging around.

If anyone has the link to her web-site, please post it.

the subway cat's roommate moves out:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,20216.0/

the subway cat wants to get a third cat:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,20351.0/

the subway cat has alternative reality:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,20547.0/

the subway cat says poverty is torture:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,21355.0/

the subway cat gives us a double-header:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,21382.0/

the subway cat envious of the rich:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,22218.0/

the subway cat gives history of the slave trade:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,22265.0/

the subway cat into self-mutilation:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,26673.0/

the subway cat wishes she were mediocre:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,26889.0/

the subway cat being furry:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,27199.0/

the subway cat wants a green brain:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,27713.0/

the subway cat being freaky:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,28114.0/

the subway cat solicits free medical advice:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,28385.0/

the subway cat being psychotic:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,28400.0/

the Mexican flu touches the subway cat:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,28546.0/

the subway cat has a cutting urge:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,29251.0/

the subway cat favors capital punishment:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,29684.0/

the subway cat gets a boyfriend:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,30147.0/

the subway cat doesn't like church:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,30181.0/

the subway cat poses for photograph with boyfriend:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,30433.0/

the subway cat forced to be born:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,30598.0/

the subway cat gets comeuppance:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,30753.0/

the subway cat explains Carlo Ponzi:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,31390.0/

the subway cat is sore:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,31398.0/

the subway cat being strange:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,31600.0/

the subway cat being driven crazy in a threesome:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,32409.0/

the subway cat laughs at obesity:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,32486.0/

the subway cat going with boyfriend (she never did, though):

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,33365.0/

the subway cat has dental problems:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,33516.0/

the subway cat thinks:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,33616.0/

the subway cat finds religion horrible:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,33784.0/

the subway cat's chain being jerked:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,34117.0/

the subway cat warns of spiked cocaine:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,34178.0/

the subway cat wants to socialize:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,34888.0/

the subway cat in restraints:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,35078.0/

the subway cat illuminates us on church history:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,35411.0/

the subway cat is very very very angry:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,35443.0/

the subway cat in pain:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,35960.0/

the subway cat tries a fundamental bouncy:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,35982.0/

the subway cat being weird:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,36797.0/

the subway cat relapses:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,37069.0/

the subway cat gets fooled about story:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,37176.0/

the subway cat shares her umbrella:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,38006.0/

the subway cat wonders:

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,38162.0/

Okay; there's lots more about the subway cat in the archives here; the above however should be enough to justify the subway cat being chosen as the #04 TOP PRIMITIVE OF THE YEAR.

But if anybody's got a link to the subway cat's web-site, please post it.

It's for my credibility, because nobody, but nobody, is going to believe the way the subway cat is, based upon only my comments.

BadCat · « **Reply #1 on:** December 29, 2009, 12:28:03 PM »

This one usually leaves me speechless.
WTF is wrong with this country that we allow "things" like UP to vote?

Karin · « **Reply #2 on:** December 29, 2009, 12:55:26 PM »

I've seen her get stranger and stranger in my one year here. I first met her while she was doing foul-mouthed rants against "rich people" and even the concept of currency. Then, it progressed to a weird relationship that nobody could figure out. It has now come to her telling tall tales right out of a martial arts action movie. And she seems to be believing them.

Carl · « **Reply #3 on:** December 29, 2009, 12:57:32 PM »

Most telling too is that despite its obvious insanity it is still one of the most revered denizens of the DUmp.

delilahmused · « **Reply #4 on:** December 29, 2009, 12:59:16 PM »

Quote from: BadCat on December 29, 2009, 12:28:03 PM

This one usually leaves me speechless.
WTF is wrong with this country that we allow "things" like UP to vote?

I'm still trying to figure out why it's walking around free. This is the craziest creature I've ever come across.

Cindie

thundley4 · « **Reply #5 on:** December 29, 2009, 12:59:40 PM »

http://www.myspace.com/undergroundpanther

Barf bag alert.

GOBUCKS · « **Reply #6 on:** December 29, 2009, 01:14:04 PM »

The suspense of this countdown is going to put Pammie back in the hospital.
She feels like one of the finalists in New York at the Heisman Trophy award ceremony.

The Village Idiot · « **Reply #7 on:** December 29, 2009, 01:18:34 PM »

Geraldo Rivera helped shut down the state asylums in this country. Otherwise half the DUmmies would be in them. UP would be a specimen studied by students of many courses.

franksolich · « **Reply #8 on:** December 29, 2009, 01:24:18 PM »

Quote from: GOBUCKS on December 29, 2009, 01:14:04 PM

The suspense of this countdown is going to put Pammie back in the hospital.
She feels like one of the finalists in New York at the Heisman Tropby award ceremony.

You know, sir, it really says something about the declining quality of the primitives, when one realizes the Bostonian Drunkard wasn't bad enough to win a runner-up award, and the American nana primitive, the "NanceGreggs" primitive, didn't even get nominated.

Any other year, the sparkling husband primitive (#05) and the subway cat (#04) would have been clear winner for the number one spot.

There's still three surprises to come yet, though.

As I said, when Mr. Wiggum gave me the list, it was a good thing I was wearing brown pants.

The Village Idiot · « **Reply #9 on:** December 29, 2009, 01:34:42 PM »

Quote from: franksolich on December 29, 2009, 01:24:18 PM

As I said, when Mr. Wiggum gave me the list, it was a good thing I was wearing brown pants.

lol.

Specbid · « **Reply #10 on:** December 29, 2009, 07:27:50 PM »

Is there a photo of her. I live in Baltimore. I'd like to avoid her.

The Village Idiot · « **Reply #11 on:** December 29, 2009, 07:28:49 PM »

Quote from: Specbid on December 29, 2009, 07:27:50 PM

Is there a photo of her. I live in Baltimore. I'd like to avoid her.

Yes, there are photographs but I would advise against it.

franksolich · « **Reply #12 on:** December 29, 2009, 07:30:01 PM »

Quote from: Specbid on December 29, 2009, 07:27:50 PM

Is there a photo of her. I live in Baltimore. I'd like to avoid her.

There's lots and lots and lots of photographs of the subway cat, taken at almost every angle, at the link our esteemed colleague thundley4 provided, above.

But caution; don't eat before you go there.

And be sure the bowels are empty too.

The Village Idiot · « **Reply #13 on:** December 29, 2009, 07:32:42 PM »

Quote from: franksolich on December 29, 2009, 07:30:01 PM

And be sure the bowels are empty too.

That is good advice. The gagging reflex is definitely there.

Specbid · « **Reply #14 on:** December 29, 2009, 07:48:32 PM »

Oh my...so UP is actually a dude. Don't know why I thought he was a she. Can honestly say, thankfully, I have never seen this person. Knock on wood.

franksolich · « **Reply #15 on:** December 29, 2009, 07:50:20 PM »

Quote from: Specbid on December 29, 2009, 07:48:32 PM

Oh my...so UP is actually a dude. Don't know why I thought he was a she. Can honestly say, thankfully, I have never seen this person. Knock on wood.

So sorry, but you have it backwards.

The subway cat's a femme who wants to be a homme.

But it doesn't seem the taxpayers are willing to finance a total makeover.

Specbid · « **Reply #16 on:** December 29, 2009, 07:53:31 PM »

OK, Frank, I just reread your original post. UP is a chick, but wants to be a gay guy. Considers herself a gay guy because she prefers guys but is a woman so is actually straight...

franksolich · « **Reply #17 on:** December 29, 2009, 07:55:00 PM »

Quote from: Specbid on December 29, 2009, 07:53:31 PM

OK, Frank, I just reread your original post. UP is a chick, but wants to be a gay guy. Considers herself a gay guy because she prefers guys but is a woman so is actually straight...

The peculiar predicament the subway cat has is that she got the above cut off (actually, probably for legitimate medical reasons; cancer runs in that family), but they aren't willling to add something down under.

Specbid · « **Reply #18 on:** December 29, 2009, 07:58:07 PM »

I think I'll just move on to the #3 primitive. After 4, I can't wait.

GOBUCKS · « **Reply #19 on:** December 29, 2009, 08:00:30 PM »

Quote from: franksolich on December 29, 2009, 07:50:20 PM

So sorry, but you have it backwards.

The subway cat's a femme who wants to be a homme.

But it doesn't seem the taxpayers are willing to finance a total makeover.

But somehow, part by part, she's managed to force the taxpayers to finance the cutting out or cutting off of nearly all the organs that are characteristic of the female gender. However, she hasn't so far been able to get them to purchase and install the corresponding male organs. But she's working on it, and it's safe to assume that somewhere in the muslim's destruction of the American medical system there will be provisions made for perverts like her. Some day, sooner rather than later, UGP will be able to fulfill her lifetime dream of pissing while standing up.