Obama to Joe: Plumbing is a Constitutional Right

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Obama to Joe: Plumbing is a Constitutional Right
Scott Ott

Obama to Joe: Plumbing is a Constitutional Right by Scott Ott for ScrappleFace · 1 Comment

(2008-10-16) — After a presidential debate which focused on the needs of one man, a plumber named Joe Wurzelbacher of Holland, Ohio, Sen. Barack Obama this morning announced that “plumbing, like health care, is a Constitutional right, and therefore a federal government responsibility.”

“Millions of Americans go to bed every night listening to the incessant drip of a leaky faucet, fearing a flooded basement or a backed up toilet,” said Sen. Obama. “In my travels around the country, I’ve learned that single mothers, children and seniors are hardest hit. Often it comes down to a decision between buying groceries, or getting the garbage disposal fixed.”

Sen. Obama noted that since the poor usually don’t get proper preventative plumbing, they often wind up making emergency calls in the middle of the night, the most expensive treatment option.

“If this nation is going to continue to hold out the American promise of equal results for all,” the senator said, “then we need to make sure that the millions of un-plumbed families have affordable and accessible plumbing maintenance.”

The Obama plan would force employers to provide plumbing insurance to workers, slapping penalties on firms that fail to comply. But it would also retain free market options, he said.

“If you’re happy with your current plumber, keep him,” Sen. Obama said, “But my plan would also allow you to choose from a list of government plumbers, and to get the kind of quality service that Sen. McCain and I, and our Congressional colleagues, enjoy at taxpayer expense every day.”

‘Joe the Plumber‘, as he is now known to politicians who can’t pronounce Wurzelbacher, would also benefit under the Obama plan.

“Instead of buying that plumbing business and bumping himself into a higher tax bracket,” Sen. Obama said, “Joe the Plumber can simply go to work for the federal government, where his six-figure salary and the taxes on it all come from people who are compelled by the IRS to support his work. His income remains stable and grows whether his services are in demand or not. This removes the uncertainty from his business, and the burden of having to compete and of being constantly judged by customers.”