subway cat into self-mutilation; no surprise there

[franksolich]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=276x8188

While looking around for the subway cat on Skins's island, I came across this, from some months ago.  Something must be wrong with the computer program, because I was looking for some subway cat insight more recent, and this comes up as recent, even though it's not.

I have no idea why, but there you have it.

otherlander (1000+ posts)        Sat Sep-06-08 09:36 AM
Original message
 
The flames are long gone but the pain lingers on...

Sorry I couldn't think of a title that wasn't a Pink Floyd quote. Basically I used to self mutilate. Haven't in a while, don't think I will again. But I can't stop obsessing over how my parents used to treat me when I did.

Maybe now that I'm not living with them anymore I can be more honest about them to myself. Pretty much every time I did they would get angry and yell at me.

This seems to be a recurring theme in my life, that the more pain i'm in the less compassion I recieve. Now I feel myself becoming really depressed, and there's no one to talk to. **** it, my therapist is on vacation.

Hmmm.  The primitive must've lived in the parents' basement too long.

otherlander (1000+ posts)        Sat Sep-06-08 10:30 PM
Response to Original message
 
1. Also...

I feel betrayed that they involuntarily committed me to the hospital where I saw the guy smash the kid's head against the wall. I was just on the phone with my mother and I told her that and she just got pissed at me for saying so.

The el stinko primitive, the primitive who expects Old World Craftsmanship work on her house, but wants to pay only illegal immigrant wages for it:

mopinko   (1000+ posts)        Sat Sep-06-08 11:12 PM
Response to Original message
 
2. if i may

my daughter did this, too. she did spend some time in the hospital, but she was mostly willing to go.

i don't wish to defend your folks, i don't know them. but i will tell you what it was like for me.

i probably yelled at my daughter plenty of times when she wanted compassion. for me, all this was so incredibly terrifying. i lived in fear for several years as she went from one self destructive behavior to the next. at 15, sometimes staying out all night. flunking out of 5 schools in 4 years. hanging around with "strange" people. tats and piercings, mohawks and gauges, spiked collars and trench coats. obsession with kurt cobain, and other "dark" music. not things that i would assume were anything but self expression, but in the context of it all, hard to remain calm about.

but the first time i saw the cuts, i started to really fear that she would kill herself.

they were horrible. they covered her arms and legs. they were already scarred. i have never been so afraid.

at the time, she was convinced that i hated her. nothing that i said or did, especially anything that i tried to do to get a grip on her before i lost her, was seen as anything but just being mean.

several years later, now, she understands much better. not so much realized i was right, but got a lot of support and got mostly straightened out, and sees the difference.

she is still a kind of a weirdo. i don't mean that in a mean way. she just still is collecting tattoos, and going to the gathering of the jugaloes every year. but she also goes to college, and has a job. we get along ok, because i am not terrified, and i guess neither is she. fear makes people do strange things.

it is hard to be a mom of an unhappy kid.

otherlander (1000+ posts)        Sun Sep-07-08 08:57 AM
Response to Reply #2
 
3. I hang out with those types of people too.

They give me emotional support. They validate my anger over how this society functions. They help me get involved with political activism. And they're a lot less shallow and judgemental than your "normal" preppie types. Also, please try to remember that there is a difference between self mutilating and being suicidal.

mopinko   (1000+ posts)        Sun Sep-07-08 08:02 PM
Response to Reply #3
 
4. yes, i know, i was just trying to tell you how it felt to me. i was terrified. for the both of us. i never stopped loving her, even when she hated me. my only judgement was that she was not happy.

otherlander (1000+ posts)        Sun Sep-07-08 09:24 PM
Response to Reply #4
 
5. I understand that.

And I know my parents tried their best, and I know you probably did too. Sometimes, though- at least for me- my experience with depression has been that people didn't just want me to feel better, they demanded that I feel better, and if I couldn't make myself feel okay, then by God, I was going to have hell to pay for it.

Which then becomes a sort of trap which a lot of people who wanted to be helpful accidently wound up setting. I'm not trying to attack you, that's just been my experience. And I think that it's important for people not just to be stable, but to feel that it is safe to break down if they have to.

undergroundpanther  (1000+ posts)        Sun Sep-07-08 10:23 PM
Response to Reply #3
 
7. me too

I am at home with the dark.

undergroundpanther  (1000+ posts)        Sun Sep-07-08 10:21 PM
Response to Original message
 
6. Don't beat yourself up over cutting

I do it rarely and I don't condemn myself over it.

the pain inside sometimes can be controlled by physical pain,seems if I didn't cut,I'd be dead by now. Cutting is caused by alot of things mainly trauma. Wish I could help.

Damn.

Damn.

I got to say it.

Even though I'm a nice guy, I got to say it.

Damn, but it's for the general good of humanity as a whole.

Maybe the subway cat could cut a little bit deeper?

[Ralph Wiggum]

Basically I used to self mutilate.

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't TURNING YOURSELF INTO A ****ING CAT self-mutilation by definition?

[BlueStateSaint]

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't TURNING YOURSELF INTO A ****ING CAT self-mutilation by definition?

So would "turning yourself into a plain cat."

[Ralph Wiggum]

So would "turning yourself into a plain cat."

Point taken, I added a little too much emphasis.

[AllosaursRus]

All I can say is GOOD GRIEF these people need to be committed!!

[Chris]

I found a picture of UPG's car...

[The Village Idiot]

Roadkill Panther doesn't want to be normal or understand 'society'. The revel in their insanity.

Otherlander, Subway Cat are angry at 'the way society functions'.... I guess they mean people don't work hard and give the products away in favor of some tiny stipend, maybe its over gravity, air pressure, maybe that most people are actually normal.

[Traveshamockery]

It took many years for me to learn this but when someone is depressed, they can be prescribed all the drugs that are available, they can receive all the sympathy in the world, and they can receive all sorts of treatment but that's not where the fix lies. 

The bottom line in being treated for depression is the realization that it's up to you to either dwell on the things that happened to you in your childhood (no matter how awful) or slowly move beyond it.  Whether you have been molested as a child, physically or emotionally abused, or whatever terrible thing happened to you as a child to manifest itself as depression as an adult is the past and it cannot be changed. 

Maybe that sounds too simplistic but dwelling on the past without the goal of moving beyond it only lends to worsening depression.  UGP appears to be that sort of person to me.  Chronic self-pity is not conducive to a productive life. 

[The Village Idiot]

I found a picture of UPG's car...

UGP has a car?? I doubt it!

[BlueStateSaint]

It took many years for me to learn this but when someone is depressed, they can be prescribed all the drugs that are available, they can receive all the sympathy in the world, and they can receive all sorts of treatment but that's not where the fix lies. 

The bottom line in being treated for depression is the realization that it's up to you to either dwell on the things that happened to you in your childhood (no matter how awful) or slowly move beyond it.  Whether you have been molested as a child, physically or emotionally abused, or whatever terrible thing happened to you as a child to manifest itself as depression as an adult is the past and it cannot be changed. 

Maybe that sounds too simplistic but dwelling on the past without the goal of moving beyond it only lends to worsening depression.  UGP appears to be that sort of person to me.  Chronic self-pity is not conducive to a productive life. 

H5.  You hit it on the head.

[lastparker]

It took many years for me to learn this but when someone is depressed, they can be prescribed all the drugs that are available, they can receive all the sympathy in the world, and they can receive all sorts of treatment but that's not where the fix lies. 

The bottom line in being treated for depression is the realization that it's up to you to either dwell on the things that happened to you in your childhood (no matter how awful) or slowly move beyond it.  Whether you have been molested as a child, physically or emotionally abused, or whatever terrible thing happened to you as a child to manifest itself as depression as an adult is the past and it cannot be changed. 

Maybe that sounds too simplistic but dwelling on the past without the goal of moving beyond it only lends to worsening depression.  UGP appears to be that sort of person to me.  Chronic self-pity is not conducive to a productive life. 

H5.  You hit it on the head.

Of course I am in complete agreement with you both, but to the perpetually grim DUmmies like UP, what you're asking is impossible.  Self-help is completely out of reach for them.  They will spend their lives waiting to be made content.

[BlueStateSaint]

Of course I am in complete agreement with you both, but to the perpetually grim DUmmies like UP, what you're asking is impossible.  Self-help is completely out of reach for them.  They will spend their lives waiting to be made content.

That would require two things that are anathema to them:

1) Critical self-examination, to include listing their own faults.

2) Admitting that they are at fault.

3) Working to correct themselves.

Okay, there are three things.

[happy1ga]

I was married to a freaking psycho wife beater for 14 yrs, (and before you ask, yes, I left, and yes, I had him arrested.), and while I do feel a little sorry for myself now and then due to the lasting physical damages, I just shake it off, know that my life is really pretty good now, and just get on with it. My ex wasn't your typical tv movie abuser, as in he didn't just get mad and escalate, he had serious mental issues that I wasn't aware of when we married at 20. He would stalk me if I left, he would hide in drainage ditches of parking lots, etc., and basically abduct me. I left 7 times, but the laws are not that great for women, and especially if you have children. They made me let him see the kids, because he could hide teh crazy well, and had good jobs. So, whenever we got together for him to see the kids, he would track me down, or he would cajole info out of the kids. It's a strange life, and the law doesn't like to get involved in domestic issues sometimes in small towns.He was arrested 6 times, and never spent a night in jail. Even when I was in ICU, and nearly died. Weird world. These people haven't figured out that you can marinate in the bad, or you can mentally decide you want to live a real life. It really is as simple as that.