Nine years ago, I was unemployed, alone, and living in a shitty apartment my mom owned in Inglewood. I spent the majority of my days feeling sorry for myself, and alternating between thoughts of entering the priesthood and fantasies of wining an Oscar for having directed a film that the entire world would adore.
In other words, I was drinking. A lot. By myself. My biggest fear the night of 9/09/01 was being found dead on the couch in my boxer shorts with 37 empty bottles of beer around me and a urine-filled windshield washer bottle at my feet.
The night before 9/11, I had managed to shower and meet a friend from college at the Forum in Westwood, CA to see Tool. It was a show that changed my life not only because of what they did that night, but what would happen to me less than 12 hours after they finally ended their show.
Just before 6:45 am pacific time on September 11, I awoke, let the dog out, went to pee, then turned the TV on.
At 7:03, the second plane hit the WTC.
From that moment until my birthday on January 18, 2002, I basically gave up on my life. Good, innocent people were either murdered, killed trying to save each other, or worst of all, made the decision to end their own lives knowing the entire world was watching them do so, while there I sat, drinking myself to death because it wasn't ME having to make that call.
That's what I've taken away from 9/11 -- the notion that I should've been there, not those good people who never asked to pick a side in this fight. At that point in time, they were doing what they needed to do for their families, while I was doing whatever I needed to do in order to function.
On 9/11/01, I was a pathetic drunk. On 9/11/10, I am a functioning, happy, loving man. It is for the honor of those who died for me on 9/11 that I live my life as an honest and good man.
I can only hope that that is enough.