Skippy wants to make an apple pie

[franksolich]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/115747807

Oh my.

NYC_SKP (62,937 posts)    Tue Nov 18, 2014, 02:50 PM

I want to bake an apple pie from scratch, my first time ever.

We have some delicious organic "Opal" variety apples available and I'd like to bring a pie to Thanksgiving dinner.
 
Absent any other guides, I would check the Joy of Cooking for standard pie dough and filling recipes.
 
But with all the great bakers on DU, I can probably get great advice right here!

I'll post the primitive comments and suggestions later, when I get back.

But for the meantime, we all know what's going on here, and Skippy's not fooling anybody, with his trying to come across as cheerily American as apple pie.

The blunt fact is, rather than being a cherubic middle-aged guy who likes polyester and straight-hemmed shirts, Skippy is actually the most "far left" of the primitives, whose heroes include Pol Pot, Kim Jung-on, Osama bin Ladin, and Bill "25 million dead" Ayres.

Skippy's the one who suggested that those complaining about 0bamacare be silenced.....permanently.

Skippy used to make such comments when drunk--as we all know, wine in, truth out--but lately he hasn't been posting when intoxicated.

I suspect it's because of his brain problems, and so per doctor's orders, he's been staying away from the bottle, so as to not interfere with the pharmaceuticals.  And so he's been taking the opportunity while he's still dry, to rehabilitate his image.

But he's not fooling anybody.

[Ballygrl]

Shop Rite has pies on sale for $1.88 this week, we picked up a bunch to keep in the freezer and 1 of them was a Dutch Apple Pie, almost as good as homemade.

[franksolich]

Shop Rite has pies on sale for $1.88 this week, we picked up a bunch to keep in the freezer and 1 of them was a Dutch Apple Pie, almost as good as homemade.

For you, dear:
http://conservativecave.com/index.php?topic=99226.0

[GOBUCKS]

organic "Opal" variety apples

With organic fruit the first step is to cut out the worms and rotten spots.

[Ballygrl]

It seems as though from what I've read that organic fruits and vegetables cause high outbreaks of E-coli.

[thundley4]

It seems as though from what I've read that organic fruits and vegetables cause high outbreaks of E-coli.

That's because the "organic illegal immigrants" harvesting them don't believe in using soap and water to wash their hands.

[JohnnyReb]

To make an apple pie you have to break a few apples.

[Mr Mannn]

NYC_SKP (62,937 posts)    Tue Nov 18, 2014, 02:50 PM

I want to bake an apple pie from scratch

TRANSLATION

NYC_SKP (62,937 posts)    Tue Nov 18, 2014, 02:50 PM

I am a flaming Homo.

[miskie]

Can you bake an apple pie, Skippy boy, Skippy boy ?
Can you bake an apple pie, drunkard Skippy ?

..I can bake an apple pie, full of organic Ecoli..
And then claim that its better than all others..

[Chris_]

I'm over apple pie... I'd rather have a crumble or cobbler.

Apple pie filling is good with pork chops, though.

[Dori]

For apple pie I like an apple like pippin or granny smith.

This opal apple would probably turn into apple mush when cooked. 

[BattleHymn]

It isn't a pie thread until grasswipe Judy shows up to throw in her two cents.   

[Chris_]

It isn't a pie thread until grasswipe Judy shows up to throw in her two cents.

I've seen her pies.  That's all they're worth.

[BattleHymn]

I've seen her pies.  That's all they're worth.

That's still more than she'd charge a union member. 

[GOBUCKS]

grasswire  Donating Member (1000+ posts)
Fri Mar-11-11 05:15 PM
Original message
I'm opening a pie shop.

Just clinched the deal with the property owner today.

Many of you know my commitment to pie. I'm doing test kitchen this month on a lot of recipes for the perfect product. King Arthur's lemon meringue was a fail last night. Unfortunately.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=236x86326

[Chris_]

My, how the time flies.

[BattleHymn]

Just clinched the deal with the property owner today.

From clinching deals to clinching junk in the flea markets to try to make a living.

How does that Popeye's chicken taste after it's been in the garbage, Judy?

[BlueStateSaint]

TRANSLATION

Now, now--I'm sure that there are more than a few conservative men who could bake a mean apple pie.  I used to bake cheesecakes as a hobby, many years ago.  Then I met my wife . . . and she's never baked me a cheesecake . . .  

[franksolich]

Well, most of the discussion among the primitives seems to be about using lard or Crisco for the pie crust.

A few highlights, selected at random:

grasswire (41,898 posts)   Wed Nov 19, 2014, 01:00 AM

36. the Crisco formulation has changed. It's not what your nonnie used.

They changed the procedure to make it less hydrogenated. Many pie bakers didn't appreciate the change. It tastes the same and you will get the same crumb but it is a little harder to handle the dough.
 
My best hint (and I have been at pie baking for a long time) is to roll out your dough between two sheets of waxed paper, using flour so it won't stick. And then you can use the bottom sheet of waxed paper to ease the dough into the pie plate easily.

Warpy (79,955 posts)    Tue Nov 18, 2014, 04:03 PM

14. Rest that pie dough before rolling it out

Rest it overnight, if possible. That allows the gluten to relax and all the water to be absorbed.
 
That crumbly mess you had to work into enough of a pile to get the plastic or wax paper to close around becomes an actual dough. It's like magic!
 
Think about sprinkling the top of the crust with a little turbinado sugar. The granules are pale brown, not an advantage, but are large crystals that will make the baked crust look like it has ice crystals all over it. It's a nice effect on a closed crust pie. You can use it with or without an egg wash, but the egg wash always makes a pie look like a fancy baker did it.
 
I've always made my own pie crusts, never liked the store stuff and couldn't afford it most of the time. I do a butter crust and like it better, but there is no reason not to use lard if you eat pork products.

Okay, I nadined the pretentious "turbinado sugar," and this is what I got:

Brown sugar is a sucrose sugar product with a distinctive brown color due to the presence of molasses. It is either an unrefined or partially refined soft sugar consisting of sugar crystals with some residual molasses content, or it is produced by the addition of molasses to refined white sugar (so-called Molasses Sugar).
 
Brown sugar contains from 3.5% molasses (light brown sugar) to 6.5% molasses (dark brown sugar) based on total volume. Based on total weight, regular brown sugar contains up to 10% molasses. The product is naturally moist from the hygroscopic nature of the molasses and is often labelled as "soft." The product may undergo processing to give a product that flows better for industrial handling. The addition of dyes and/or other chemicals may be permitted in some areas or for industrial products.

It seems to me Ms. Hindenberg could've just as well used "brown sugar," unless she just wanted to put on airs.

grasswire (41,898 posts)    Wed Nov 19, 2014, 01:03 AM

37. good idea

I saw some Opals for the first time yesterday at the market and was surprised by them. What DO they taste like?
 
My favorites for pie:

Gravenstein (out of season)
Spitzenberg
Granny Smith
Newton Pippin

grasswire (41,898 posts)    Wed Nov 19, 2014, 01:06 AM

38. NEVER PUT YOUR HOT PIE PLATE on a cool or damp surface

Pyrex will shatter under those circumstances.

I always put the hot pie on a pot holder on a cooling rack.

Well, I suppose all the advice, here and that not brought here, is good, but really, this is just a game Skippy's playing, to cloak how he really feels about things.

The guy wet-dreams of gallows and guillotines and gas-chambers, remember.

<<<can hardly wait until Skippy's brain problems are over and he's off medications, so that he can post when drunk again, telling us all what he really thinks.

[landofconfusion80]

The secret to good apple pie is.... pears. and some lemon juice.

[franksolich]

The secret to good apple pie is.... pears. and some lemon juice.

It's been a very long time since my maternal ancestress of sacred memory was around, but I recall she used to sprinkle some lemon juice on top of apple pies.

I wouldn't know--this is all so very long ago--but perhaps she even occasionally put in a little bit of pear; it seems to me she did stuff like that.

Her apple pies of course were good.

She made them with both solid top crusts, and lattice-top crusts.

One awesome characteristic of the solid top crusts was that as the pie baked, the apples sank and the top crust rose, and so when the pie was cut, there was a big yawning chasm between the downfallen apples, and the uplifted top crust.

[Mr Mannn]

Now, now--I'm sure that there are more than a few conservative men who could bake a mean apple pie.  I used to bake cheesecakes as a hobby, many years ago.  Then I met my wife . . . and she's never baked me a cheesecake . . .  

Yes, but we don't use "organic apples." We use Mannnly apples with lots of healthy chemicals and no worms.

[BlueStateSaint]

Yes, but we don't use "organic apples." We use Mannnly apples with lots of healthy chemicals and no worms.

Don't 'cha know it!

[Dori]

Well I learned something new.  One Dummy uses vodka in her pie crust.

2 ½ cups unbleached all-purpose flour (12 1/2 ounces)
1 teaspoon table salt
2 tablespoons sugar
12 tablespoons cold unsalted butter (1 1/2 sticks), cut into 1/4-inch slices
½ cup chilled solid vegetable shortening, cut into 4 pieces
¼ cup vodka, cold
¼ cup cold water

http://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/12852-christopher-kimballs-foolproof-pie-dough

[JohnnyReb]

Anyone remember 30/40 years ago when the Japanese refused to buy Washington state grown apples because of chemicals.....it all came up during some trade agreements ruckus.....well. in Japan they grew perfect organic apples. They pinched off about 2/3's of the apple blossoms and then tied a bag over the ones that were left to protect them from the bugs. While we were paying 15 cent for an apple here the Japanese were paying $5 for an apple in Japan.

Using the jap method today to grow perfect organic apples here even with illegal alien labor would probably cost $10 per apple....only the evil 1% could afford them.....and DUmmies would demand more foodstamps so kids could eat more fruit.