Have any of you lost good friends because of politics or religion?

[dutch508]

Star Member Poiuyt (14,039 posts)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100212791287

Have any of you lost good friends because of politics or religion?

I have an old friend who has always been very conservative and very religious. We have made a bit of a deal to never discuss these items and to focus on what we have in common, which is a lot. Lately, he and his wife have become more radical in their views to the point that they almost seem unhinged. Some of my other friends are saying how difficult it is to be with them because everyone needs to walk on eggshells in their presence.

I don't feel comfortable ditching an old friend because of his political views, but on the other hand, these are the facets that define our character, vision, and moral principles. Is it possible to be friends with someone whose core values are so different from our own?

Yeah... it's them... 

Sea Glass (41 posts)

1. "Is it possible to be friends with someone whose core values are so different from our own?"

No.

I don't think so.

Personally, I need to have some respect for someone's intelligence in order to be friends with them, and any rightwing/Trumpfan/religious loons automatically disqualify themselves, IMO.

OhNo-Really (2,349 posts)

3. Yes, several sadly

Trumpists’ need “to be right” seems relentless & they got angry with me for not agreeing. One has a PhD & a religious zealot. Too old, walked away. Solitude is good ✨☺️✨

Why can’t zealots just go find a quiet place to practice? Why the need to be control freaks? A mystery

 

Star Member catbyte (15,947 posts)

5. I'm sad to say that it was not possible for me to remain friends with a guy I've known for almost 50 years because of his support for that thing currently infesting the White House. He kept quiet during the Obama years, but once that thing got selected he went a racist rant about the Obamas & on a tirade about how nice it will be to have a "classy First Lady" again and I just lost it. I haven't seen, spoken or had any contact with him since November 10, 2016. I had no idea he was so full of hate. He hid it well but I guess he felt liberated to express all the ugliness that was apparently bottled up all these years. That thing seems to have that effect on people.

I thought I might miss him. I don't.

YMMV, though.

Yeah.. again... they are the problem...

Star Member Heartstrings (4,880 posts)

6. I hadn't spoken with my gun thumping trumper older brother for almost 2 years....

I bit the bullet and called him last week. I kept the conversation away from politics and focused on our health and families. It was good to hear his voice but I think differently about him now...sad to say. It has affected my perception of both friends and relatives. I “see” them now for who they were all this time since trump gave them credence to become vocal.

 

Star Member malchickiwick (1,065 posts)

7. Lost pretty much my entire family when I apostatized Mormonism; further lost my Mom to FOXNEWS.

She says that if she is brainwashed (which she is, twice over) she is happy that way.

 

Jake Stern (2,676 posts)

9. Only one so far

She was such a kind spirit and then she joined the Army. She came out the other end a hard right Trumper Type. All her Facebook posts ranted about how nice it was to have a president who supported the military and puts America first, blah blah blah.

Another thing she goes on about is how she “don’t trust civilians”.

Just couldn’t take it anymore.

Yep. I agree with her.

Sea Glass (41 posts)

59. Trump supporters are either 1. racist or 2. just fine and dandy with racism

(which pretty much makes the number 2s into number 1s). They are also fine with sexual assault (from Trump, Kavanaugh, etc.). I really don't understand how you can look past that in a friendship.

 

AncientGeezer (1,729 posts)

66. My SIL isn't a racist...she would vote against any Democratic candidate though.

She is AA..unabashedly Conservative woman, in Upstate N.Y. that will hit you in the mouth if you say the N word or any other racist crap.

She's my family...and my friend.....I don't broad brush.

Sea Glass (41 posts)

67. By voting for Republicans like Trump, though, she is 100 percent enabling racism.

Pure and simple.

  ****ing lunatic.

Sea Glass (41 posts)

71. I will. Because it's true.

She supports racists and her support and her votes allow them to enact their racist policies, like ripping families apart at the border.

Star Member MarcA (1,156 posts)

77. Agreed. Enablers and Quislings. n/t

Star Member bluecollar2 (1,753 posts)

14. Yes...I no longer associate with a lot of people....

You stated, "I don't feel comfortable ditching an old friend because of his political views, but on the other hand, these are the facets that define our character, vision, and moral principles. Is it possible to be friends with someone whose core values are so different from our own?"

I had that philosophical battle when Bush made the decision to invade Iraq.

It got worse when the Tea Party racists and bigots took over the Republican party during the Obama administration.

I agree with you that it's about core values. I have chosen that those who do not share the same core values are not worth wasting any more time on.

CountAllVotes (17,617 posts)

15. Yes

They made their choice, me or dump.

They chose dump.

They can have him.

At least I know!

True Blue American (8,462 posts)

55. I lost a whole Church

And many good friends. I have not seen or heard from them in 3 years.

One I called when she was ill because a mutual friend asked me to. She was not friendly. I had taken her to have eye surgery twice, stayed with her right up to the surgery. Not even a thank you. Beginning of the end.

mitch96 (3,816 posts)

16. Same here. Lost a long time friend to crazy conservative views

Known him for 55 years and over that time he changed. Anti war hippy in the late 60's and now a gun loving tRump humper. I have other conservative friends and it all works. We just don't talk politics... My one friend just can't stay away from talking shit about Liberal ideas and whats worse is he has it in his mind that he is gonna "change me"..... ahhhhhh no. I told him repeatedly to just cut it out and he can't help him self. I had to cut him off.
I really miss my friend and were did he go?? The guy I knew long ago is not the guy I know now..
m

Efilroft Sul (1,901 posts)

18. I've totally shut out my Trump-supporting family members. No great loss, really.

Plus, I ditched about half my college friends when they were more concerned about their guns being grabbed after Sandy Hook instead of all the children who died there. Again, no loss to me.

Jake Stern (2,676 posts)

25. I wouldn't break a friendship or familial bond merely because someone supports Trump

The support has to be so extreme that I simply cannot ignore it any longer. With the friend I walked away from her Trumplan bullshit got so bad that it led me to conclude that she was a hopelessly lost cause. There was no coming back.

Star Member Skittles (124,870 posts)

27. amazing you can do that

I don't tolerate racist assholes, not friends or family. Not at ALL

Sea Glass (41 posts)

60. Yep ... I don't get that "it's just politics" attitude.

No, it's not. It's essential values, like being against racism and sexual assault, and expecting friends to have a basic level of decency.

CountAllVotes (17,617 posts)

62. Nail on head

You are so right.

It really has nothing at all to do with politics but it is all about core values in life, i.e. good v. evil, etc.

You have to wonder what sort of decency these people have in them, if any at all!

The ones I have "lost" mean nothing to me now.

Good damn riddance!!!

Star Member pbmus (9,944 posts)

28. Not only friends but family...

Most of my family are sadly cult members...their entire concept of victimization is paramount to their paranoia which is the core of the sickness that the Con has tapped into...fear of color, immigrants, etc.etc....

CountAllVotes (17,617 posts)

41. That's what I have too

A whole shitload of them.

They all live on a plot of ground and read that bible everyday and the kids are home schooled so no one ever sees them, including me.

What a sick way to live but, they have their guns! Oh yeah baby!!

Guns + dump + tax-breaks = 100% in their little world.

Star Member onecaliberal (14,688 posts)

30. Yes, my daughter. Married a religious fanatic. His family are trump cultists as well.

They basically stopped visiting and then communication became less and less until it came to a halt.

Girard442 (3,684 posts)

38. The problem is that when Trump came along, people felt free to take their masks off.

It's not that "Trump came between us". It's more like, that person I thought I was close to never actually existed. Once you've seen what's under the mask, you can never unsee it.

CountAllVotes (17,617 posts)

42. They all came out of their proverbial closets

Be is the closet of racism, misogyny, xenophobia, etc.

They let it all hang-out for all to see  what a shock it has been for me.

I never really knew they were *that* way!

No god damn thanks!!!

Star Member Eliot Rosewater (22,832 posts)

51. I had a friend who was a MA hippie pot smoking love love love person who started watching Fox News and a few years later she described to me why OUR black people were so dumb, mean and useless. It was because when the slave ships brought slaves over they stopped in Europe first and they got the pick of the litter and what we got were the dregs.

I shit you not.

I used to smoke pot with this woman and listen to her go on and on about love and peace, and fox turned her into this.


Oh, yeah, no we are not friends anymore. I wrote her or them a letter and told them I cant be friends with racists but if they want to stop being racists we could be friends again. have not heard back

 

Star Member RainCaster (4,280 posts)

47. Yes, we have lost several

My daughter served on a jury panel this year for her first time. It was an eye opened to her. The biggest surprise was seeing the husband of her former Sunday school teacher tell the judge that he could not be fair and impartial because he hates all minorities.

DFT is bringing out all this hatred into the open. He has to go.

 

Star Member redstatebluegirl (7,438 posts)

56. I had a number of good friends that I have lost over my hatred of Trumper.

The one I have managed to keep I have had for over 40 years, she became over the top Trump in 2016. Her husband had just lost his job at age 58 and they were living off the money they saved for his retirement. He got a job a few weeks ago, it doesn't pay what his old job does, but it has benefits.

She had been a lifelong democrat until Trump promised them he would get them all good jobs. I decided her brain quit working due to the stress they were under.

We don't speak about politics at all, that is the agreement we have so we can remain friends and I can help her if needed. Not the best situation but it works for us.

The other ones, I could not work with anymore. Some were friends since High School.

Star Member phylny (6,320 posts)

58. I've lost respect for my 92-year-old father.

He loves Trump. He watches Fox and OAN. He's not the man I grew up with. I don't discuss it with him, although he knows my views.

 

Star Member Hong Kong Cavalier (4,263 posts)

69. I did. In 2007.

Back in late 2003 to early 2004 I was pretty much homeless and couldn't afford an apartment by myself in the city I was living in. I didn't want to move in with complete strangers as the city is pretty much a college city. So my now ex-friend who lived in a nearby town invited me to rent out a room in his basement.

A month later I had to quit my job as one of my co-workers threatened my life; He'd shown up 90 minutes late for his shift and then fiddled around for another 30. When I asked him to help me with the early prep before the restaurant opened, he threatened me by implying that he was going to cut my throat with a chef's knife.

My friend used to want to get into political discussions with me (we'd roomed together in college for a few years) and him, being a conservative and me being a liberal, would never find any common ground. But after I moved into his basement, things were different. He enjoyed goading me into arguments and make outlandish statements to get me angry. I heard him admit this to my friend who was helping me move out; I was in the basement boxing up stuff while he was carrying my computer desk with my now ex-friend's help to the van. I heard him through the window.

My friend Andy confirmed what he'd said after we'd packed everything up and were on the way to my new apartment. I talked with him a few times after that; finding out that he'd 'become' a born-again Christian (who loved talking about his favorite porn stars, still) and by 2007 I'd made up my mind.

I visited the city we'd both went to college in, met him at an excellent burrito place, and had one last lunch with him. Then told him I'd see him next time.

Haven't talked to him since. If he'd wanted an honest discussion/debate, he should have told me.

But he wanted to get me angry because his own home life was a wreck. His son didn't listen to him (granted, the son was 3), his stepdaughter didn't listen to him, and his wife (who he married 'cause he got her pregnant) was sneaking out several nights each week and going to a casino to blow their money there.

Since he had zero control over his family, my theory was that he goaded me into getting furious with him because he could control that.

I'm pretty sure he's a frothing MAGAt, too.

The hypocrisy is that he's a Union bus driver for the city. He loves the job because of (get this) the health benefits. But he hates the union and wants to quit it.

OMG... what hate filled ****ing lunatics...

 

Star Member DFW (35,465 posts)

75. Yes, but only if all parties put their cards on the table and leave their guns at the door

Quoting obvious lies to make a point poisons the deal.

I am friends with a guy who is so far off the deep end, he is barely on the same planet as I am. He is in his mid-eighties now, and is still sharp as a tack and (unfortunately) very active. He almost singlehandedly took direct mail fundraising from a footnote to a major force that ushered in Reagan's victory over Carter in 1980. If you hear him speak, you'd think the Devil had resigned because he knew he could never compete.

To my great chagrin, I found he is also personable, aware, and a great listener, though be prepared for him to twist anything you say to conform to his point of view.

He, himself, makes no illusions or hides anything, but never shouts or loses his friendly polite demeanor. It's a good thing Fox Noise never hired him 20 years ago, because he would have given the extremist right a congenial, eloquent face that they do not deserve. They deserve (and got) the likes of Matt Gaetz, Louie Gohmert and Fox and Frauds.

But back to the OP. Have I actually LOST anyone? Well, there was this one "almost (never quite happened)" girlfriend with whom I stayed in contact over the last 46 years. She's Danish but came to the States as a baby, raised bilingually in Utah, had some REALLY bad luck in her personal life, and I don't think she's genuinely thrilled with her situation now, but she has come to terms with it. A confirmed member of the God Squad (thought Reagan was his twin brother), and was delighted when Trump was declared the winner in 2016. I haven't heard any commentary from her on her current opinion, but as she no doubt watches only Fox Noise, I'm sure she is a true believer. She is smart and capable, but also very vulnerable. I know from talking with at least one her children that the daughter is anything but.

We still send Christmas cards, but it has recently dwindled to only that. When we first met, I adored her, and thought what a wonderful life's partner she would make. Maybe, if she had hung around me and my friends instead of the ones she ended up with, it would have even turned out that way. Fate had other plans, and for my part, I couldn't be happier. I'm always noticing how the few people I know who could have gone either way, and went far right, are those who never found personal happiness. They tended to seek promises and assurances that things would get better "if only..." The far right and religion both promise that. Some people, no matter how much innate intelligence they possess, are vulnerable to such promises, no matter how much logic screams at them that they are barking up the wrong tree.

For the record, my wife will never ever vote for a Democrat. She is a German citizen (we live in Germany, for those who don't know), and will not move to the USA. She only votes in Germany (when they let her! But that's another story). She votes Green on the local level, and SPD nationally, although they put up SUCH an idiot candidate last time, she voted for Merkel (first time EVER). For my part, I would move to Mars if that were the only way to stay with her, so Germany was nowhere near as drastic an adjustment (the place DOES take some getting used to, though).

 

[SVPete]

I unFriended a couple of long-time friends recently. They decided it would be cool to call me a racist, something they know to be false. I can disagree with people without being disagreeable; so can my Prog friends. Those two decided they would not, so, buh-bye.

Politics are a stupid thing over which to cut off friends. But being called a racist, that's a serious accusation (or used to be).

[Ralph Wiggum]

Maybe one or two true stories, the rest are just street cred bouncy material.  Defriending people is so 2003. Besides, wouldn't you logically have defriended them when President Bush was in office.

[I_B_Perky]

Jake Stern (2,676 posts)

9. Only one so far

She was such a kind spirit and then she joined the Army. She came out the other end a hard right Trumper Type. All her Facebook posts ranted about how nice it was to have a president who supported the military and puts America first, blah blah blah.

Another thing she goes on about is how she “don’t trust civilians”.

Just couldn’t take it anymore.

In other words she expanded her horizons, joined an organization where she was part of something larger than herself, served her country,  changed her opinion... and meanwhile back at the ranch your worthless ass stayed at home doing worthless shit. 

I'm sure she is glad to be rid of you.

[Ptarmigan]

Star Member Poiuyt (14,039 posts)
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100212791287

Have any of you lost good friends because of politics or religion?

I have an old friend who has always been very conservative and very religious. We have made a bit of a deal to never discuss these items and to focus on what we have in common, which is a lot. Lately, he and his wife have become more radical in their views to the point that they almost seem unhinged. Some of my other friends are saying how difficult it is to be with them because everyone needs to walk on eggshells in their presence.

I don't feel comfortable ditching an old friend because of his political views, but on the other hand, these are the facets that define our character, vision, and moral principles. Is it possible to be friends with someone whose core values are so different from our own?

Okay.

[Old n Grumpy]

It is nice to see you dimocrats are the party of inclusivity, you love everyone, except people with religion or conservatives.

[Zathras]

Anyone who puts their politics above friends and family deserve neither. The people shunned are better off without them in their lives.