Author Topic: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana  (Read 19803 times)

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Offline BattleHymn

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #50 on: December 21, 2014, 12:00:28 PM »
This thread is so awesome.
I'm on the verge of declaring it a basic human right !

Yeah, agreed.  This has got to be the best way to handle the "no banana" primitives.  Aspiring primitives could gain a lot of information on how to end up in the Top Ten, if only they read this thread.  It's as chocked full of hints and tips as one of Grasswipe Judy's posts.

Offline franksolich

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #51 on: December 21, 2014, 12:19:34 PM »
#15 Top DUmmie of 2014: diabeticman
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Offline Chris_

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #52 on: December 21, 2014, 12:20:51 PM »
#15 Top DUmmie of 2014: diabeticman
Late showing, poor finish.

If only he had asked his wife for advice.
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline franksolich

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #53 on: December 21, 2014, 12:31:58 PM »
Late showing, poor finish.

If only he had asked his wife for advice.

You know, I'm one of the minority who believes he really has a wife.

Like the not-seen-for-a-long-time-now Robb primitive and his wife, or the condom primitive and his woman, or the "Erich Bloodaxe BSN" primitive and his woman, I'll bet that relationship started off years ago, in which he found himself lucky, netting a woman who was a compliant lay, and who was willing to bring home the bacon for both of them.

(I'd include the Las Vegas Leviathan and his wife Jeanette here, but it's unkind to speak ill of the dead [with certain exceptions].)

Years bring on ravages, and now he's probably in decrepit shape, and not so attractive to her any more, and his increasing dependency perhaps irks her.

She's probably aware he hangs around on Skins's island, and while his depiction of her as old and weary and tired and drab is perhaps accurate, she doesn't like it, and told him to put a lid on it.
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Offline Chris_

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #54 on: December 21, 2014, 12:33:43 PM »
Quote
(I'd include the Las Vegas Leviathan and his wife Jeanette here, but it's unkind to speak ill of the dead [with certain exceptions].)
Wait, what?

With a name like 'Erich Bloodaxe BSN' I figured the guy was a flaming homo.
If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline franksolich

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #55 on: December 21, 2014, 12:40:52 PM »
Wait, what?

The information's from one of my authenticated primitive "Deep Throats," who's thus far proven right in all he's ever told me. 

Also, apparently dear old sweet Lu of the cooking and baking forum, and walrus-face of last year's fame, this past year sprung loose of this mortal coil.

Many primitives don't seem to know these things, because they're such narcissists they don't pay attention to other primitives, only to themselves.

It's been years now, but I'll bet Atman still isn't aware of the demise of one of his good pals on Skins's island, Chief S itting Bull, "Redstone;" has absolutely no idea, and it's of no interest to him because it's not Atman, and he's still very much with us anyway.
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Offline franksolich

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #56 on: December 21, 2014, 12:46:25 PM »
With a name like 'Erich Bloodaxe BSN' I figured the guy was a flaming homo.

Actually, he's a bona fide registered nurse, but for some reason, he's unemployed.

How is it possible in this society, to be a registered nurse and not bringing home tons of money?

Unlike Ms. Hindenburg, the "Warpy" primitive, he's got nothing on his professional record that prohibits him from practicing in his profession.  He's clean.

I suspect he's just lazy, and one day got lucky in finding a woman who allows him to poke her at will, bouncing around in the sack all he wants, whenever he wants, and for some other inexplicable reason, goes along with being the sole support of this stay-at-home "boyfriend."

Maybe she's really ugly, and couldn't get anybody better?  I dunno.
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Offline BattleHymn

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #57 on: December 21, 2014, 12:57:02 PM »
Late showing, poor finish.

If only he had asked his wife for advice.

#15 is a respectable finish for such a dark horse, I think.  If he keeps up his momentum into next year, he could certainly finish higher.

Offline franksolich

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #58 on: December 21, 2014, 01:29:09 PM »
#15 is a respectable finish for such a dark horse, I think.  If he keeps up his momentum into next year, he could certainly finish higher.

I think of the six primitives named thus far, at least one, and perhaps as many as three, stand good prospects of ending up in the Top Ten DUmmies of 2015, if they keep up their performance.

Now, we know that primitives don't like being named to the Top DUmmies--it embarrasses them and humiliates them, and de-elevates them in the eyes of other primitives--but as I'm a nice guy, I'm going to do the ten runners-up a favor.

They already know they're not in this year's top ten.

However, there's all those special awards, too.

If it's any solace and comfort to the ten runners-up, none of them won any of the special awards, and so franksolich won't be writing about them.

That's ten primitives who can breathe easy now.
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Offline Big Dog

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #59 on: December 21, 2014, 01:31:49 PM »
Also, apparently dear old sweet Lu of the cooking and baking forum, and walrus-face of last year's fame, this past year sprung loose of this mortal coil.

Whoa, wait.

Douglas C. Bulna of Rockaway NJ, the Jersey Walrus, former employee of Gearhart Chevrolet and holder of the trademark for JIZZ, died?


And no one on Skins' Island knew?
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Offline franksolich

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #60 on: December 21, 2014, 01:41:14 PM »
Whoa, wait.

Douglas C. Bulna of Rockaway NJ, the Jersey Walrus, former employee of Gearhart Chevrolet and holder of the trademark for JIZZ, died?

That's what Deep Throat, my hard-working and much-appreciated primitive source, tells me, and he's never steered me wrong.

Remember, the guy had half the contents of his skull surgically removed; it was sort of, uh, apparent he wasn't long with us.

I'm wondering if he perhaps "staged" the incident involving the television remote control, intending it to be his Gotterdamerung.

Quote
And no one on Skins' Island knew?

Primitives don't care about anybody but each of them own selves. 
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Offline franksolich

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #61 on: December 21, 2014, 01:42:47 PM »
#14 Top DUmmie of 2014: MineralMan
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Offline Ralph Wiggum

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #62 on: December 21, 2014, 02:10:52 PM »
#14 Top DUmmie of 2014: MineralMan
I though Rock Head would honestly get in the top 10.  But then again I'm never sure how everyone else will vote.  And I wouldn't ever fudge the vote count.
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Offline BattleHymn

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #63 on: December 21, 2014, 02:14:46 PM »
#14 Top DUmmie of 2014: MineralMan

I thought the same thing, and as such, I didn't even bother "wasting" any of my votes on him, assuming he was a sure thing.  Heck, I even nominated him. 

I looked back to see how he's finished over the years, and it turns out his first appearance in the Top 20 was 2010, at #19, then again in 2011 at #18.  Since then, he's either not been nominated, or didn't place. 

MinnesotaMoses may just not have what it takes to be in the Top Ten.     

Offline obumazombie

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #64 on: December 21, 2014, 02:26:22 PM »
Can't wait for lucky 13.
Good work to 14 mineral and 15 diabetic.
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Offline franksolich

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #65 on: December 21, 2014, 02:38:12 PM »
#13 Top DUmmie of 2014: fizzgig
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Offline obumazombie

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #66 on: December 21, 2014, 02:41:44 PM »
#13 Top DUmmie of 2014: fizzgig

Lucky 13.
There were only two options for gender. At last count there are at least 12, according to libs. By that standard, I'm a male lesbian.

Offline BattleHymn

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #67 on: December 21, 2014, 02:51:42 PM »
Lucky 13.

Unless you're fizzgig's significant other, then it's a very unlucky 13.

I wonder what happened to the besotted ugly bint last night?  She hasn't even shown her face in the C&B forum to discuss last night's gut bomb, or anything.   

Offline Carl

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #68 on: December 21, 2014, 03:13:21 PM »

Offline BattleHymn

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #69 on: December 21, 2014, 03:28:15 PM »



I'd hate to think what part of the body that hair could have come from if it was fizzgig's.

Offline obumazombie

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #70 on: December 21, 2014, 03:29:16 PM »
I'd hate to think what part of the body that hair could have come from if it was fizzgig's.

Yuck...mind bleach alert!!!!!!
There were only two options for gender. At last count there are at least 12, according to libs. By that standard, I'm a male lesbian.

Offline BattleHymn

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #71 on: December 21, 2014, 03:34:30 PM »
Yuck...mind bleach alert!!!!!!

Off the top of my head, I'm going to assume it's head hair, as there is a pair of scissors pictured next to the scalp, and not a hedge trimmer. 

Offline franksolich

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #72 on: December 21, 2014, 04:30:57 PM »
#12 Top DUmmie of 2014: graham4anything
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Offline franksolich

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #73 on: December 21, 2014, 04:35:30 PM »
Wait, what?

With a name like 'Erich Bloodaxe BSN' I figured the guy was a flaming homo.

comment 2728:
http://conservativecave.com/index.php?topic=81827.2725
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Offline obumazombie

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Re: Top DUmmies of 2014: those who came close, but no banana
« Reply #74 on: December 21, 2014, 04:40:25 PM »
#12 Top DUmmie of 2014: graham4anything
A twelfth of a gross. Maybe more.
There were only two options for gender. At last count there are at least 12, according to libs. By that standard, I'm a male lesbian.