Miskie's Big Book of Poetry

[miskie]

Mods - if this seems to be a bit too self-promoting - kill it..

Anyway --

Miskie's Big Book of Poetry is a collection of all of my Calpeg parodies and spoofs - all in one place ! - So, if you are looking for a nice bedtime story for the children.. find something in the Big Book of Mother Goose. But, if you are constipated, or a bulimic looking for 'inspiration', this is the thread for you !

miskie's CalPeg poetry Primer

Wanna write your own CalPeg prose ? Here are a few easy steps and soon you will be making them retch like a pro !

1. find an object and describe it

Microsoft Natural Keyboard
curved, black, buttons, hard, soft, worn, white, silver.

2. Find an object or action that some or all of the descriptive words may apply to, preferably something sexual, violent, or sad.

An old whore.

3. Write a couple of sentences that merge the symbolism.

My keyboard is curved, like an old whore's ass - old and worn, hard and unforgiving in most places, but still soft and forgiving in a few. They both have jobs to do, and do them regularly without emotion or complaint. Both are dressed in black, with silver accents.

4. Break the sentences up into segments, and reorder them -eliminate capitalization and punctuation

Microsoft Natural Keyboard

curved and worn
like an old whore


hard
unforgiving


yet soft in some
places


wearing black
as they work
tirelessly


feeling nothing
never complaining


as they serve


all of
mankind







And there you have it - Instant Peggy Prose !  Oh --- One last Thing -- Don't forget your copyright !

© 2010 M.

Perfect !

 

[miskie]

Night Stick

smooth black

hardened

cold


I am beaten
gurgling
blood
for poetic

crimes against
humanity.


I see

only darkness



© 2010 M.

[miskie]

i like
vanilla

it tastes like
something

that it shouldn't

or some random
sexual
reference

I threw in to make
lameass poetry

hot

What doesn't taste like
vanilla is
bronze, salty

water

i think i may have mistaken
used fryer grease
at a fish
joint

for the ocean

i bob for fish sticks
sizzle sizzle sizzle sizzle

it hurts

like the first time

i bobbed for fish sticks

ouch.

© 2010 M

[miskie]

My Sexual Poem: Anal   
     

strap on
ball gag
leather, chains,
Anal Ease

bars in the window
no sunlight
no sounds
no
escaping
me



fetid dark hole
rancid odor
cockroach in a filthy
corner- i'm
penetrating

no prying eyes see

bound, naked
prostrate figure
writhes

in my basement
no one can hear him

scream

no matter how much
he wants them
to



© 2010 M.

[miskie]

A lazy Monday ripoff:The Purple Nurple
 
 in the car next to hers
is a boy with one eyebrow
hair
shaved off the back of his head
covered with a
hat
his ripped tee shirt
exposed a
purple nurple

he staggers along
still hung
over from the party

he never saw
the girl next to him

who was
weeping

she stepped
on her own
nipple.

© 2010 M.

[miskie]

A new poem: Summer Pervert

a pervert waves
as children pass by

his pervert son
snuggles campers under the night
sky

pervert beaches
pervert people
pervert marches
pervert films

perverts
everywhere


at the bar

the primitive begs
to get

some
tail

everybody there
refused her.
though
she is a pervert,
nobody will "go

there"

© 2010 M.

[miskie]

Nightly Nooseworthy

 they talk to us every
night
excited, snarky, greasy
smiles and
hair

false rage
Blame Bush
even though he is
Nowhere to be seen

no
thinking


underneath
Olbermann's clothes
lies a tiny
treasure in waiting

almost as big as mine
I am pressed against the
TV screen

naked, hot and moist.

until a jolt of electrical
current puts me
to sleep

© 2010 M.

[miskie]

Breasts hanging


long


like knee-highs with

oranges

stuffed inside the toes.

as I jog, they

bounce off my
knees like

soccer balls

deflected by an
adept player.

I tie them
around my lovers waist.

keeping him


inside me


until i explode in

ecstasy.

© 2010 M.

[miskie]

I write poems that make
people want to gouge out their

eyes.

with a spork

vivid Calpeg
sexual imagery,

dance across neurons
as killer whales

dance

in a sea filled with
seal pups.

© 2010 M.

[miskie]

The Prom is..   
   
agent orange
is what they called me
toxic
foul smelling
deadly
poison
gas

Depends full
brown softness

smeared across my
breasts showing
scatological
kink and fetish

after they all
leave
I am voted Prom Queen
and King

ex-lax kicking in again

the
prom is
awesome



© 2010 M.

[miskie]

Sacrifice

Give your votes
to
the messiah

forget voters,
polls

there will be
blood
from

your actions


The One
needs
your

jobs

renew the
congress

in the fall

time to
sacrifice

yourself



© 2010 M.

[miskie]

A Love Poem....for my Dog.....Fruit Flies 
circle the kitchen and rover lies
at my feet
tiny odors spring
form the carpet

fleas cover me
from mouth to
toes

they taste tangy
like 9 volt batteries

the socks on his feet
protect me
from scratches

rover knows
some special tricks
not learned

in obedience school
his love is deep
inside
me

rover
drags his ass
across the carpet

then
passes out


© 2010 M.

[miskie]

Newest Poem: Vaseline Intensive Care
skin cracked and red
battered all night

someone’s beating
meat slapping
or stroking
out

vibrator buzz buzz buzz buzz
silver bullet gleaming

run to the bedside
in the drawer of the nightstand
fingers full of
soothing goo
or is it my depilatory ?

I need help in here

oh god its burning

genitals on fire
no time to think

where’s the bathtub
turn on the shower
open the faucet
oh thank god there’s vaseline
at last
cooling off my junk

OK
saved the night
time to dress up
guests are downstairs
staring staring staring

jar of vaseline
got my
back
tonight

© 2010 M.

[miskie]

My poem for Winter:
   
The Shining


the knife
shines

as the clothing
gets cut
away

no work
no play
jack
is dull


© 2010 M.

[miskie]

Transparency: my clothing 

blue-green
varicose veins
under

wrinkled
skin behind

liver spots
all over

me.

transparent
clothes
rolls of
flab

I am drowning

in my excess
skin

police
beat
me back

from justin bieber.
my
heart

is clearly
broken

you have left your mark

with your
night
stick

I am
now
hemorrhaging


© 2010 M.

[Boudicca]

Let me :hi5:you for a job well done.   Maybe Frank should represent your literary endeavors instead of CalPig's because he'd have an easier time selling talent than dreck.

[miskie]

My Valentine's Day Poem  
 Desert

midnight
at the
oasis isn't
like the
song

around the
corner

are scorpions

they sting like
huffing aquanet does

i hate you
maria muldaur


© 2010 M.

[miskie]

End of Days

volcanic clouds cover blackened sky
lava spread
under my feet
someone forgot

to beam me up
alone at last
i remove my
clothes

after the the sun is gone
I dance the night away

disco inferno
my new friend 'louie'
sees me

then leaves me in
darkness

where did you
go

© 2010 M.

[miskie]

The Wine

moistened my hair
splashed my face


the men
warned

me
go away

all gay



but i
just
had

to

try


© 2010 M.

[franksolich]

Damn, that's some good stuff, miskie, sir.

This hat's off to you.

[miskie]

Damn, that's some good stuff, miskie, sir.

This hat's off to you.

Let me :hi5:you for a job well done.   Maybe Frank should represent your literary endeavors instead of CalPig's because he'd have an easier time selling talent than dreck.

Much appreciated both - I figured I would stick my CalPeg tidbits here in one place, as they have been scattered across posts - Now they can easily amuse our primitive friends. There are still a handful of CalPeg poems I haven't rewritten, and probably never will, as they are just awful, and there is no way I can make them funny, or any worse.

[bijou]

Great stuff miskie, love them!

[IassaFTots]

This is my favorite....it speaks to me. 

 

Good Job!

as killer whales

dance

in a sea filled with
seal pups.

[BlueStateSaint]

Damn, you're good. 

[lastparker]

Ahahahahahahaha Genius.  Absolute genius.