Pollyanna primitive slipping back into black hole

[franksolich]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/11514380

Oh my.

polly7 (8,459 posts)    Wed Sep 25, 2013, 12:13 AM

Afraid I'm slipping back into that black hole and don't want to start with meds again because they don't work for me. I tell my doctor that and he just keeps pushing a new one every few months, but I've got to do something or this time I'm not sure I'll make it.

I dreamed my Dad was calling to me last night to help him, then today my ex who's done everything short of actually killing me is being a total ****head asshole, I still do books for a business we had together and have to watch him strut around doing so well while I have panic attacks, breathing problems, chronic depression from all the years he treated me like his personal punching bag and doormat.

I'm falling again hard. This is day after I found my Dad who had shot himself and September is such a hard month for me, but I expected to be doing so much better and really hate myself for being stuck. Sorry, I know that only I can fix things but I just need to vent a little. My heart just hurts, and everything seems hopeless.

NYC_SKP (52,961 posts)    Wed Sep 25, 2013, 12:23 AM

1. Holding good thoughts for you, polly7.

Take care.

I'm sorry about all the pain you must feel from the tragedies that you've suffered.

^^^drives franksolich nuts with his condescending attitude towards handicapped people.

polly7 (8,459 posts)    Wed Sep 25, 2013, 12:37 AM

2. Thanks NYC-SKP

I feel sort of pathetic writing these things because I know others have far greater problems, but it's just really hard when you don't see anything good and it's like ... what's the use in trying. I don't know how some people manage it, and I used to be such a strong person ... now, it's gotten to being pissed off I wake up in the mornings. No worries, I'd never do anything to myself because I know how that's devastating to people that care, but you feel trapped, you know? Sometimes it would be easier to have no-one to pretend for.

NYC_SKP (52,961 posts)    Wed Sep 25, 2013, 12:59 AM

4. I'll bet you're probably still a strong person.

But our lives get complicated, and there are periods, seasons, of good and bad.

OTOH, as we age we sometimes change, some of it for the better and wiser, other parts may be just getting tired.
 
We know, though, that there's always enough good to be willing to bear the bad, right?

^^^betrays that he thinks handicapped people are lesser than him.

applegrove (60,314 posts)    Wed Sep 25, 2013, 12:57 AM

3. Man you are in a sressfull situation.

When stuff in my life was falling apart and I had not yet figured it out I why, I went on meds. They gave me a strong baseline. So when my life blew apart I had something to rely on. And when that was not enough for the horrors I was going through I tried another kind of med. Made me concentrate on the dangers in my life even more but allowed me to handle it all. I‘m pretty happy right now and have been for years. I‘m lucky. They work for me. Just an fyi. If stuff doesn‘t improve I would give meds a second chance. You could take them just until your life improves. Why suffer when it can be avoided.

polly7 (8,459 posts)    Wed Sep 25, 2013, 09:06 AM

7. The thing is, I've tried them all ... alone, in combination, any way they asked me too.

All they did was make me feel sick and even more hopeless. Plus, I can't afford them. We have a good health-care system but get no relief on prescription drugs and I hate paying for something I can't afford that doesn't work.

I tried so hard to break free from his bullying and screaming and stalking but he's gotten worse now that he knows that I don't have my Dad to turn to. Sleep is hard for me because I get a panic attack every time I almost nod off d/t all of the times I'd wake up and see him going through my things in the middle of the night or checking my phone, or standing over me watching me sleep, etc. after he'd had keys made for my house and mail box - he was getting my mail for months before I found out.

He knows that without my Dad I'm alone and is taking advantage of it and stomps in here demanding things, usually screaming. I can't handle that, the screaming. I think the man is a sociopath and he's driving me up the damned wall yet I'm trapped financially at the moment unable to leave this town, I also take care of my mother who I'm afraid is slowing down to the point someone needs to check in on her many times daily.

And this is the person who blames me for my Dad's suicide, telling my brothers and sisters who couldn't life a finger to help him or take him to specialists, tests, transfusions, etc. that I shouldn't have gotten him so worried by bringing up possible treatment at John's Hopkins and any other place I could think of. Which is a lie, he wanted so bad to live, but I believe didn';t want to put the rest of us through it. I was so terrified for him I went down to 89 pounds unable to eat or sleep, yet as the one everyone called upon and used when times were bad ... not a single word of support from anyone after finding him laying on the grass, gone.

Sorry for the screed, I've just used up my bravado and don't even see a reason to try anymore and with my ex busting in here screaming expecting I be his damned slave even though I left him and his psychotic ways, he feels I need to be 'over it all'. If I could, I would and if meds would help I'd gladly take them but they scare me nearly as much as going on like this does. Not sure what I'll do. And that's where I miss my Dad most. He just knew how to make things clearer and give hope just by knowing he was there. I'm pretty muh f'd.

bananas (21,005 posts)    Wed Sep 25, 2013, 01:25 AM

5. hugs

^^^Well, well.  A Hell of a lot of good that does.

[USA4ME]

polly7

The thing is, I've tried them all ... alone, in combination, any way they asked me too.

That's your problem; you're using the "any way they asked me too" method. You need to try the "take 'em all at once" method. Then you'll get some relief, as will all of us.

.

[AllosaursRus]

Good grief! I've lost two fathers. Ya know what, pollyanna, I took control. Of myself and of their children.

Must be nice to wallow in self pity, go to a site you know will wallow with you, and then feel better.

And ya wonder why we call ya DUmmies?

Get a clue!!!!

[diesel driver]

applegrove (60,314 posts)    Wed Sep 25, 2013, 12:57 AM

3. Man you are in a sressfull situation.

When stuff in my life was falling apart and I had not yet figured it out I why, I went on meds. They gave me a strong baseline. So when my life blew apart I had something to rely on. And when that was not enough for the horrors I was going through I tried another kind of med. Made me concentrate on the dangers in my life even more but allowed me to handle it all. I‘m pretty happy right now and have been for years. I‘m lucky. They work for me. Just an fyi. If stuff doesn‘t improve I would give meds a second chance. You could take them just until your life improves. Why suffer when it can be avoided.

The DUmmie answer for everything.  Take drugs!  

"Better living thru chemistry!"

F'n losers!!!!

[BattleHymn]

The DUmmie answer for everything.  Take drugs!  

"Better living thru chemistry!"

F'n losers!!!!

"Find a pill, eat a pill". 

[diesel driver]

"Find a pill, eat a pill". 

Too bad it couldn't find a whole bottle of pills then.   

[AllosaursRus]

Too bad it couldn't find a whole bottle of pills then.   

With some of the shit these people inhale, prolly wouldn't take more than a dozen! I know some of the stuff "Toots" was takin' durin' her ordeal would kill a mule, while only usin' half!

[BattleHymn]

With some of the shit these people inhale, prolly wouldn't take more than a dozen! I know some of the stuff "Toots" was takin' durin' her ordeal would kill a mule, while only usin' half!

With primitives, it's best to be sure, which is why I would encourage the full dose of the entire bottle. 

With a one bottle=one dose philosophy, they could at least be sure of doing one thing in their life properly.

[Dori]

Uggg...How did they all find each other?  I've never seen so many messed up people on one website.   

[AllosaursRus]

Uggg...How did they all find each other?  I've never seen so many messed up people on one website.   

Misery loves company, simple as that.

[BlueStateSaint]

The DUmmie answer for everything.  Take drugs!  

"Better living thru chemistry!"

F'n losers!!!!

Their theme song:

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pl9dc5FhFYU[/youtube]

[GOBUCKS]

DUmmy pollynumber has a very simple, easy-to-solve problem.

She should consider getting one of those Plugs Biden shotguns and use it on the son-of-a-bitch.

Simply blowing off an extemity would get his attention, and her problem would be solved.

A Plugs-endorsed shotgun is cheaper than a month's supply of most psychotropic drugs.

[AllosaursRus]

DUmmy pollynumber has a very simple, easy-to-solve problem.

She should consider getting one of those Plugs Biden shotguns and use it on the son-of-a-bitch.

Simply blowing off an extemity would get his attention, and her problem would be solved.

A Plugs-endorsed shotgun is cheaper than a month's supply of most psychotropic drugs.

Only if she uses it on "Plugs" first.

[diesel driver]

Only if she uses it on "Plugs" first.

"Plugs" ain't worth the cost of a shell.

Just another f'n worthless liberal.

[SarasotaRepub]

That's your problem; you're using the "any way they asked me too" method. You need to try the "take 'em all at once" method. Then you'll get some relief, as will all of us.

.

You're terrible!!! 

[franksolich]

You're terrible!!! 

But eminently sensible.

[Chris_]

Uggg...How did they all find each other?  I've never seen so many messed up people on one website.   

Took the words out of my mouth.

When they're not proposing federal policy, they're complaining they can't afford their head meds.

[Skul]

"Find a pill, eat a pill". 

I wish they'd follow a rabbit. 

[SarasotaRepub]

But eminently sensible.

Hi Frank, how's it going tonight?

As long as I've been reading and bringing over the DUmmies it still
amazes me at times how they get themselves into these holes number one,
and are willing to bring these stories online.

It's all good for us of course...