The Chili of Manliness

[CactusCarlos]

For the last frackin time, i am not a yankee, but a New Englander!!

The map says different! 

[IassaFTots]

Soaking beans doesn't take 24 hours. And I've never salted beans while they're soaking. The time is variable, though obviously, the longer you soak them the less time you need to cook them.

The one thing you absolutely want to do with beans before you wash/soak/cook them is SORT them. You can find little pebbles in those puppies and you don't want to chomp down on one of those and break off the $800 crown you just ponied up at your dentist's office.

Beans do NOT belong in real chili. Again.

Neither do tomatoes. Again.

Tots has it - of course, she's a Texas transplant.

Oddest thing, I learned this from my Dad, who was born and raised in PA.  He was a TRUE Chili afficianado.   

[Chris_]

The map says different! 

It only feels that big when you're driving.

[Chris_]

Oddest thing, I learned this from my Dad, who was born and raised in PA.  He was a TRUE Chili afficianado.   

The last time my mom made chili, she cooked it for all of an hour.

Yes, it was bad and yes, it had beans in it.

[ColonelCarrots]

I put massive amounts of love when I make chili.

[Eupher]

I put massive amounts of love when I make chili.

Just don't leave it dangle for too long - capsaicin burns.

[Wineslob]

So how do you make your chili??

Katsup

[Chris_]

I use adobo sauce and spices.  It's like ketchup but it's different from the regular vinegar-based stuff.

[Karin]

I don't understand the no tomatoes rule.  What do you end up with, meat floating in a watery broth?  It sounds like a clear soup, not chili. 

[debk]

I confess to using tomatoes. I used undrained canned petite dice and Rotel - both original and hot. But it cooks for so long, they pretty much disintegrate.

Never ever put beans in chili.

Or anything else for that matter. Beans are nasty - except for green beans that don't really count. Beans moush funny in your mouth. Yuk!!! 

[Eupher]

I don't understand the no tomatoes rule.  What do you end up with, meat floating in a watery broth?  It sounds like a clear soup, not chili. 

No. The meat is braised in a very small amount of liquid - I use beef stock - until it's tender. You should wind up with something that looks like the photo at the link:

http://www.southernliving.com/food/whats-for-supper/make-batch-texas-chili-00400000007603/

[Eupher]

I'm not sure where I heard this or where I read it, but the whole reason beans were added to real chili dishes was the cost - beans are a source of cheap protein. Beans will stretch that chili dollar all the way to next week.

Meh. If I want beans, I'll eat straight Mex.

BTW - Beano works. Trust me. Take two of those puppies and the gut-blasting incident rate of flatulence is cut down to a manageable level.

[Karin]

Look, I don't mean to be a PITA, but Eupher, the recipe you linked to has these ingredients:

4 pounds boneless chuck roast, cut into 1/2-inch pieces
2 tablespoons chili powder
2 (6-ounce) cans tomato paste
1 (32-ounce) container beef broth
2 (8-ounce) cans tomato sauce
2 teaspoons granulated garlic
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground oregano
1 teaspoon ground cumin
 1 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon onion powder
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/4 teaspoon ground red pepper

How do you get it rich and thick?  With no tomato ingredients, it sounds like watery beef soup with a kick to it. 

I think the recipe above has too much tomato paste.  A little of that goes a long way. 

[Eupher]

Look, I don't mean to be a PITA, but Eupher, the recipe you linked to has these ingredients:

How do you get it rich and thick?  With no tomato ingredients, it sounds like watery beef soup with a kick to it. 

I think the recipe above has too much tomato paste.  A little of that goes a long way. 

The link I provided was just an example of what chili should LOOK LIKE. I didn't endorse the recipe.

Again, there is no need for any thickening agent if the beef is:

1.  In large enough chunks to begin with.
2.  Simmered to both concentrate the broth (don't use too much to begin with - just barely enough to cover the meat) and tenderize the beef.

With the beef and the scorched/skin burned off the chilis, along with onions and garlic and spices, and not too much beef stock to begin with, you'll wind up with a thick, rich, meat stew. Nothing watery or soupy about it.

I hope that helps.

[rich_t]

What?

No ghost peppers?  I thought this was supposed to be a manly chili.

 

[rich_t]

chili ain't chili if it's got beans in it.

Tomatoes too, for that matter.

Just sayin'.....

Don't they still hang you in Texas if you put beans in chili?

[Big Dog]

Those who taught me about chili say otherwise.

No beans. No tomatoes.

Just meat (usually chunks of chuck, not ground beef) and chili (I prepare fresh poblanos and jalapenos by searing the skin off over an open flame, then dice the rest - go easy on the membrane and seeds depending on who else is eating it) and spices. Some onions and garlic if I'm feeling adventuresome. Yeah, I know a lot of people put beans in their chili. And tomatoes.

But it ain't what I learned.

In 1519, Fernando Cortez' expedition to Mexico found Indians who were cooking chili con carne: tomatoes, chilis, and salt. These Indians intended to add the Conquistadors to the pot- not cubes of beef! (see chapter 83 at the link)

Beans in chili have been good enough for the US Army since 1917.

If you come to my house, you'll get beans and tomatoes in your chili. If you don't like 'em, pick 'em out.

 

[CactusCarlos]

Beans are nasty - except for green beans that don't really count. Beans moush funny in your mouth. Yuk!!! 

Disparage beans - one more time.

 

[rich_t]

Disparage beans - one more time.

 

Is that rice? 

[IassaFTots]

Looks like my red beans and rice.  Which is awesome, BTW, but it ain't chili.

[Eupher]

In 1519, Fernando Cortez' expedition to Mexico found Indians who were cooking chili con carne: tomatoes, chilis, and salt. These Indians intended to add the Conquistadors to the pot- not cubes of beef! (chapter 83)

Beans in chili have been good enough for the US Army since 1917.

If you come to my house, you'll get beans and tomatoes in your chili. If you don't like 'em, pick 'em out.

 

If I come to your house, why not filet? Nothing but the best for your guests, right?  

Cortez croaked of pleurisy, likely brought on by those damned beans you keep trumpeting.

By the way, I like beans. They're cheap. Which is why the U.S. Army likes 'em too. They simply don't belong in chili. Pure and simple.

I take my filet a nice medium rare, btw. Wrapped in bacon is a nice touch.  

[Big Dog]

If I come to your house, why not filet? Nothing but the best for your guests, right?  

The answer to that is easy, my friend. The Chili of Manliness is the best, and I only serve the best to my guests!

I take my filet a nice medium rare, btw. Wrapped in bacon is a nice touch. 

You and me both. The commissary had T-bones for $2.75 a pound. I'm gonna wrap one in bacon and make a T-mignon!

[CactusCarlos]

Looks like my red beans and rice.  Which is awesome, BTW, but it ain't chili.

Let's talk beans here!

[Eupher]

The answer to that is easy, my friend. The Chili of Manliness is the best, and I only serve the best to my guests!

Point of order, Mr. Chairman. The "Chili of Manliness" (your term) is, by definition, a stttrrrettttcccccchhhhhed dish. Gotta stretch it to make it work for a houseful of football watchers. Even T-bones for $2.75 only go so far when you've got football going on.

Besides, the beans help with the farting contests during halftime.

[Big Dog]

Point of order, Mr. Chairman. The "Chili of Manliness" (your term) is, by definition, a stttrrrettttcccccchhhhhed dish.

I call it the Chili of Manliness because I first posted the recipe at the Art of Manliness website.

Even T-bones for $2.75 only go so far when you've got football going on.

I bought one T-bone, for me. It will be my solitary pleasure.

Besides, the beans help with the farting contests during halftime.

Hat tip to Mel Brooks!

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMibdeOZ3_s[/youtube]