Author Topic: primitives discuss a topic first discussed in the DUmpster  (Read 4463 times)

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Offline GOBUCKS

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Re: primitives discuss a topic first discussed in the DUmpster
« Reply #75 on: June 06, 2011, 10:22:06 PM »
It's late, it's hot, and I'm tired.
It's hot here in red state hell as well, but only if you're outside.
It's chilly in the house. I may go out and buy a Snuggy tomorrow.

Offline delilahmused

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Re: primitives discuss a topic first discussed in the DUmpster
« Reply #76 on: June 06, 2011, 11:20:17 PM »
delilahmused is the only person on the internet who could possibly connect the two, as after it happened, I was so bent-out-of-shape I took my sorrows to the chat-room of Scamdy (this was in early 2007, about the time Scamdy was wrapping up itself).  delilahmused has seen the picture, and knows it is of franksolich.

Hence the Internet torch I've been carrying for years now! And you really do have a nice ass! I didn't save the picture, though. My hubby and I share a computer and I didn't want to explain why I have a picture of a naked man from Nebraska on my computer!

Cindie
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Offline franksolich

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Re: primitives discuss a topic first discussed in the DUmpster
« Reply #77 on: June 07, 2011, 08:13:59 AM »
Wow.

I got an e-mail--my real-life e-mail account, not the clarebootheluce gmail--from one of my deep sources on Skins's island--over the night.  This isn't the taciturn one, this is the chatty one, and since it was chockful of gossip about the primitives, I can't post it here.  However, I was told "great!!! job!!!" (exact quote) in developing this script.

It must pain the primitives much, to not be able to respond. 

Anyway, before that, I was visited by my spirit guide TheHollywoodNeoCon, during the night.

"You know, kid," he boomed from above, "while I was playing golf with David Selznick this afternoon, it suddenly struck me there's a little something wrong with your script, and it's something you better hurry up and adjust.

"You might be impugning the reputations of two highly-respected members of the DUmpster; you don't mean to, and she doesn't take it that way, but to the casual reader, you might, uh, be giving a wrong impression.

"Now, most people who were around when Scamdy was around, can understand why you sent that, uh, controversial photograph to members of Scamdy; after all, you were a tight-knit group of people who got to know each other in real life as on the internet, and so that was a wonderful example of your trust.

"You were upset, you were distraught, you were pissed off.

"And Scamdy was the best place for you to go, to blow off steam.

"We all know this, but the casual reader might not be aware of the 'back-story' here.

"And so the casual reader, you might be giving the impression delilah likes to look at dirty pictures."

"Oh no," I gasped in horror.

"delilah is," I continued, "a woman of Class and Quality and Elegance and Style and Manners and Grace; delilah isn't the type who likes to look at dirty pictures.

"delilah reminds me very much of Lady Patricia Brabourne, who's now--"

"I know who Lady Mountbatten used to be," TheHollywoodNeoCon interrupted; "and I know that Lady Mountbatten is the sans peer in the department of principle and integrity; without peer in her good manners, good taste, and good style.

"But you'd better make it clear to your readers," my spirit guide continued, "that delilah is above looking at dirty pictures, that it's not really her thing to do.

"And besides, delilah's a happily married woman with sons; she's seen it all, and so nothing about the male body is a surprise or a shock to her.  She's able to look at it objectively, scientifically, and clinically.

"But you'd better make it clear delilah is not anyone who gets kicks out of looking at dirty pictures."

"Done," I said.

TheHollywoodNeoCon continued; "The other person is, of course your own reputation.  You've always been a good Catholic boy, an enthusiastic subscriber to the Doctrines of Rome."

"Right," I said; "I'm not perfect, but I do try."

"You know, of course," he pointed out, "that amendment of character is best done with love and compassion and understanding, and it's a virtue to try to convert others to the light, the freedom, the illumination, that comes with being a decent and civilized person.

"But you're not treating the primitives with love and compassion and understanding; in fact, you're rather harsh with them."

I defended myself; "franksolich has already been the love route, the compassion route, the understanding route, with the primitives of Skins's island, and it hasn't worked.

"As Lord Baring once said, the primitives need to feel the lash of the whip.  Lashing a few of them will change them into decent and civilized people; lashing a few more of them will change them into halfway decent and civilized people, but most primitives need to be lashed simply because they're primitives.

"It makes things better for humanity."

TheHollywoodNeoCon mulled that over. 

"Okay," he finally said; "you are whipping the primitives out of love, because loving the primitives hasn't worked.  Got that.

"Can you promise that your motives are pure, that you are heckling the primitives, driving them nuts, stirring them into a frenzy, simply out of love and compassion for them?"

"Yes," I lied.

"Okay," said my spirit guide, "carry on with the script, kid."

Then TheHollywoodNeoCon tapped me on the shoulder; "But don't forget one of the principle rules of Scamdy; you need an unbiased independent authentication by an independent unbiased third party, to affirm to others that all you have alleged (about the identity and nature) of this particular photrograph, is true; that all you have said about it, is real.

"But you need that unbiased independent third party to be someone you utterly trust, someone who's going to keep it private, someone who's not going to post the photograph on a public forum, or share it with others via e-mail or personal message.

"Quite obviously that person is the heart of your heart, delilah."

"Right," I said; "delilah isn't going to do something that connects this photograph with franksolich, or my real name, or what the primitives assume is my real name. 

"She's not going to post it, she's not going to share it with others.

"delilah's job is simply to inspect the photograph and describe, in the DUmpster, in her own words, the features and qualities of it.

"And after describing the photograph--in her own words--delilah's job is to answer to us here in the DUmpster, the main question: 'is franksolich someone a primitive would hit on?'.
Democrats: A bunch of rich people convincing poor people to vote for rich people by telling poor people that other rich people are the reason they are poor

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Offline franksolich

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Re: primitives discuss a topic first discussed in the DUmpster
« Reply #78 on: June 07, 2011, 08:24:13 AM »
Hence the Internet torch I've been carrying for years now! And you really do have a nice ass! I didn't save the picture, though. My hubby and I share a computer and I didn't want to explain why I have a picture of a naked man from Nebraska on my computer!

I was wondering about that, madam; I didn't think you'd save it, because you're not that sort of person.

And I have no intention, no intention at all, of interfering with your fulsome relations with your good husband.

The picture on a disc I have somewhere.  If you would kindly send me an e-mail address to which you, and only you, have access--send that via personal message, don't post it--I will promptly send you the photograph, which you are to view as in a clinical and detached manner, and then post here, publicly, in your own words, your opinion of it and testify to its authenticity as being franksolich; you may feel free, utterly free, to describe it as you see it, in your own words.

But don't forget to answer the most important question here: "is franksolich someone a primitive would hit on?"
Democrats: A bunch of rich people convincing poor people to vote for rich people by telling poor people that other rich people are the reason they are poor

Life is short, and suddenly you're not there any more.

Offline Tucker

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Re: primitives discuss a topic first discussed in the DUmpster
« Reply #79 on: June 07, 2011, 08:31:36 AM »



But don't forget to answer the most important question here: "is franksolich someone a primitive would hit on?"

The picture aside, they would love you for your mind. Remember that liberal women are the masculine half of the couple. They like their men in silk panties. I don't envision you in that scenario. Conservative men are just that, men.
Come to think of it, unions do create jobs. Companies have to hire two workers to do the work of one.

Offline franksolich

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Re: primitives discuss a topic first discussed in the DUmpster
« Reply #80 on: June 07, 2011, 08:39:47 AM »
The picture aside, they would love you for your mind. Remember that liberal women are the masculine half of the couple. They like their men in silk panties. I don't envision you in that scenario. Conservative men are just that, men.

But, sir, the primitives loathe and detest open minds, illuminating minds; people who think are the primitives' worst enemies.

Democrats: A bunch of rich people convincing poor people to vote for rich people by telling poor people that other rich people are the reason they are poor

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Offline franksolich

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Re: primitives discuss a topic first discussed in the DUmpster
« Reply #81 on: June 07, 2011, 08:45:52 AM »
They like their men in silk panties.

Uh, no silk panties--or anything else--on franksolich in this photograph.

But at least it's only a back-shot, and as the neighbor said, "soft porn."
Democrats: A bunch of rich people convincing poor people to vote for rich people by telling poor people that other rich people are the reason they are poor

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Offline Tucker

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Re: primitives discuss a topic first discussed in the DUmpster
« Reply #82 on: June 07, 2011, 08:53:00 AM »
Uh, no silk panties--or anything else--on franksolich in this photograph.

But at least it's only a back-shot, and as the neighbor said, "soft porn."

The primitive men wear silk. They are completely PW'd. The women wear jock straps and boxer shorts.

Come to think of it, unions do create jobs. Companies have to hire two workers to do the work of one.

Offline Skul

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Re: primitives discuss a topic first discussed in the DUmpster
« Reply #83 on: June 07, 2011, 09:00:34 AM »
...But don't forget to answer the most important question here: "is franksolich someone a primitive would hit on?"
Well, there is stevenumbers. :whatever:

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Offline franksolich

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Re: primitives discuss a topic first discussed in the DUmpster
« Reply #84 on: June 07, 2011, 09:01:51 AM »
The primitive men wear silk. They are completely PW'd. The women wear jock straps and boxer shorts.

And again, a reminder about the circumstances surrounding this photograph.

franksolich was laying in bed, reading a book, at peace with the world and the whole of mankind.

franksolich, being deaf, was not aware someone had come into the room; it was not until the flash of light startled me, and as mentioned before, if he'd taken it half a second later, he would've gotten an entirely different picture, including a front view.
Democrats: A bunch of rich people convincing poor people to vote for rich people by telling poor people that other rich people are the reason they are poor

Life is short, and suddenly you're not there any more.

Offline franksolich

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Re: primitives discuss a topic first discussed in the DUmpster
« Reply #85 on: June 07, 2011, 09:04:52 AM »
Well, there is stevenumbers.

That reminds me, sir.

The most important question here needs articulated better.

It is:

"Is franksolich someone a primitive, straight or gay, male or female, would hit on?"
Democrats: A bunch of rich people convincing poor people to vote for rich people by telling poor people that other rich people are the reason they are poor

Life is short, and suddenly you're not there any more.

Offline Tucker

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Re: primitives discuss a topic first discussed in the DUmpster
« Reply #86 on: June 07, 2011, 09:07:53 AM »
And again, a reminder about the circumstances surrounding this photograph.

franksolich was laying in bed, reading a book, at peace with the world and the whole of mankind.

franksolich, being deaf, was not aware someone had come into the room; it was not until the flash of light startled me, and as mentioned before, if he'd taken it half a second later, he would've gotten an entirely different picture, including a front view.

As I have no desire to view pictures of naked men, I'm glad that the pic in question didn't go viral.

None of this is intended as an insult toward you.
Come to think of it, unions do create jobs. Companies have to hire two workers to do the work of one.

Offline franksolich

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Re: primitives discuss a topic first discussed in the DUmpster
« Reply #87 on: June 07, 2011, 11:23:55 AM »
As I have no desire to view pictures of naked men, I'm glad that the pic in question didn't go viral.

None of this is intended as an insult toward you.

Of course not sir.

By the way, I need to explain the mechanics of how photographs were viewed in the Scamdy chat-room.

This was 2005-2007, back when computer programs were cruder than they are now.

A member of Scamdy from the other side of the political aisle scouted around for various versions, the main, and really only, criteria being "security."

Screw any ideas of aesthetics or ease of use; "security" was the priority, the only thing.

After all, while members of Scamdy were playing by the rules, respecting boundaries, the primitives weren't.  We restricted our activities purely to the internet; the primitives didn't.

What was deemed safest, most secure from penetration, was an older program--from, I dunno, maybe the mid- or late-1990s--in which the chat-room appeared on one's computer as a 4" x 4" screen, a little square in the center of one's computer monitor.

It was as if one were with a small group of people, huddling tight together in a secure bunker, while thousands of primitives, blood-thirsty and blood-curdling, danced around in fury and hate outside, trying to get in.

Photographs in this chat-room were a problem.  But we didn't care; at least everything was secure.

The problem with photographs was that the software wouldn't "re-size" them to fit the 4" x 4" screen of the chat-room.

Actually, it did "re-size" the photographs.....taking an image perhaps 2" x 2" square and making it into something two acres x two acres.

There were probably even then ways of solving this problem--I dunno--but we didn't bother, because ease of display was not a concern.  The main, only, and single concern was security.

Anyway, viewing photographs (we got a lot of them--for lurking primitives, these were publicly-posted photographs, usually by the subject him- or herself--from one of the members of Scamdy from the other side of the aisle) involved using the right and bottom scroll-bars for miles and miles and miles.

I dislike thinking about the number of times I looked up into the Leona Helmsley of DUmmieland the "flyarm" primitive's left nostril, or inside my fellow alum Skins' right ear or the individual sweat-pores on Fat Che's fat arm.

It was a hassle, but we didn't care; all we cared about was security, because the primitives were running amok in rage and hate off the internet as well as on the internet.

The party that played by the rules of good sportsmanship won.  Enough said.
« Last Edit: June 07, 2011, 11:27:40 AM by franksolich »
Democrats: A bunch of rich people convincing poor people to vote for rich people by telling poor people that other rich people are the reason they are poor

Life is short, and suddenly you're not there any more.

Offline delilahmused

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Re: primitives discuss a topic first discussed in the DUmpster
« Reply #88 on: June 07, 2011, 01:18:48 PM »
I was wondering about that, madam; I didn't think you'd save it, because you're not that sort of person.

And I have no intention, no intention at all, of interfering with your fulsome relations with your good husband.

The picture on a disc I have somewhere.  If you would kindly send me an e-mail address to which you, and only you, have access--send that via personal message, don't post it--I will promptly send you the photograph, which you are to view as in a clinical and detached manner, and then post here, publicly, in your own words, your opinion of it and testify to its authenticity as being franksolich; you may feel free, utterly free, to describe it as you see it, in your own words.

But don't forget to answer the most important question here: "is franksolich someone a primitive would hit on?"

Oh heavens, frank, you're the kind of guy any girl (and if we're talking about the DUmp guess we have to include men in the mix, too) would hit on! Broad shoulders, cute butt, sharp wit, and a killer sense of humor. And remember, the DUmmies have benefited greatly from your witty repartee.

You've made them famous, made them popular with their fellow DUmmies, given them street cred. Some of them visit here daily to see if you've uttered their name. And they drop little hints to let you know they've read what you've written. Now Stinky boldly makes up silly names, like a first grader on a playground. Next thing you'll know he'll be playing that "I'm rubber, you're glue" game children play. Others are more subtle, peppering their posts with a unique phrase you've written to let you know they're hanging on every word. Of course they're attention whores but it goes deeper than that, I think. But I'm no psychologist or anthropologist so I couldn't possibly analyze why it's so important to them But it is. Who knows the levels of depression they'd sink to if you suddenly stopped mentioning them. And poor Beth! You're practically all she has!

Cindie
"If God built me a ladder to heaven, I would climb it and elbow drop the world."
Mick Foley

"I am a very good shot. I have hunted for every kind of animal. But I would never kill an animal during mating season."
Hedy Lamarr

"I'm just like any modern woman trying to have it all. Loving husband, a family. It's just, I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade."
Morticia Addams

Offline franksolich

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Re: primitives discuss a topic first discussed in the DUmpster
« Reply #89 on: June 07, 2011, 01:42:47 PM »
And poor Beth! You're practically all she has!

Okay, madam, that makes the question you must answer after inspecting the photograph more complicated.

"Is franksolich someone [the name of a specific primitive] would hit on?"

I must stress I don't want a primitive, straight or gay, to make any moves on me; the question being would a primitive?, which in no way implies my desire that any primitive do so.

It still cracks me up, after four years, that surely thousands of primitives, when cruising porn sites on the internet, have encountered this photograph with not the slightest idea they've stopped to admire franksolich's ass.
Democrats: A bunch of rich people convincing poor people to vote for rich people by telling poor people that other rich people are the reason they are poor

Life is short, and suddenly you're not there any more.

Offline delilahmused

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Re: primitives discuss a topic first discussed in the DUmpster
« Reply #90 on: June 07, 2011, 02:10:07 PM »
Okay, madam, that makes the question you must answer after inspecting the photograph more complicated.

"Is franksolich someone [the name of a specific primitive] would hit on?"

I must stress I don't want a primitive, straight or gay, to make any moves on me; the question being would a primitive?, which in no way implies my desire that any primitive do so.

It still cracks me up, after four years, that surely thousands of primitives, when cruising porn sites on the internet, have encountered this photograph with not the slightest idea they've stopped to admire franksolich's ass.

Well of course, frank. [The name of a specific primitive] isn't worthy but if the two of you were sitting next to each other on a bar stool, I'd be careful of the attention you paid to [the name of a specific primitive]. Next thing you know, there'd be a hand on your thigh. DUmmies aren't known for their subtlety. Or class.

Cindie
"If God built me a ladder to heaven, I would climb it and elbow drop the world."
Mick Foley

"I am a very good shot. I have hunted for every kind of animal. But I would never kill an animal during mating season."
Hedy Lamarr

"I'm just like any modern woman trying to have it all. Loving husband, a family. It's just, I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade."
Morticia Addams

Offline delilahmused

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Re: primitives discuss a topic first discussed in the DUmpster
« Reply #91 on: June 08, 2011, 04:10:00 AM »
By the way frank, what's your fallback script on this? Of course the DUmmies can't handle too many script changes. Still, I know how you labor to get things just right.

Cindie
"If God built me a ladder to heaven, I would climb it and elbow drop the world."
Mick Foley

"I am a very good shot. I have hunted for every kind of animal. But I would never kill an animal during mating season."
Hedy Lamarr

"I'm just like any modern woman trying to have it all. Loving husband, a family. It's just, I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade."
Morticia Addams

Offline franksolich

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Re: primitives discuss a topic first discussed in the DUmpster
« Reply #92 on: June 08, 2011, 07:51:13 AM »
By the way frank, what's your fallback script on this? Of course the DUmmies can't handle too many script changes. Still, I know how you labor to get things just right.

I got company coming this morning; there's going to be a temporary delay, madam.

But I did ask all my sources (four, deep inside) on Skins's island to look around to see if there's been lessened traffic there the past few days, because the primitives are elsewhere scouring the internet for that photograph of franksolich.
Democrats: A bunch of rich people convincing poor people to vote for rich people by telling poor people that other rich people are the reason they are poor

Life is short, and suddenly you're not there any more.

Offline franksolich

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Democrats: A bunch of rich people convincing poor people to vote for rich people by telling poor people that other rich people are the reason they are poor

Life is short, and suddenly you're not there any more.

Offline franksolich

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Re: primitives discuss a topic first discussed in the DUmpster
« Reply #94 on: June 08, 2011, 11:47:21 PM »
Okay now, given that I've recovered from the events as described in the link just above, time to talk about the meeting with my spirit guide TheHollywoodNeoCon.  I had found him last night, cigar in mouth and two olives and a slice of lemon in his martini, playing bridge with Betty Hutton and Connie Francis.

"You know, kid," he said, looking up from his hand, "I've been nice to you, not wanting to hurt your feelings, but now it's time for the honest truth--your script's too long, way too long.

"If you'd written Lawrence of Arabia, it'd run for six days, no intermissions.

"Anyway; but the script's a good script.

"Thus far, you've alleged there's an exposive photograph of franksolich on the internet--you didn't put it there, you didn't want it there--on which the primitives would like to get their hands, even though probably many primitives have seen it, without knowing it was of their worst enemy, their implacable foe, their indefatigable adversary, their undaunted opponent, their hated Satan.

"And delilah, who saw the dirty picture four years ago, when Scamdy was winding down, has already seen it, and knows it's of you.

"You might be developing a problem here, kid, but I'm sure you'll keep a rein on it. 

"There's too many people who know that's a picture of franksolich: you, the guy who took it, the guy's wife, your neighbor, and there were still six members of Scamdy around when you put there, delilah being the only one with whom you're still in constant contact--no telling what the other five might do, but given the omerta of Scamdy, you're probably safe there.

"You don't care about the picture; you care only that your name isn't connected with it."

TheHollywoodNeoCon laid his cards, winked at Betty, and continued.

"But you're going to have to take one more risk, a serious risk, because you're going to have to show it to someone who isn't bound by the omerta of Scamdy.

"You see, you need additional verification that franksolich is someone a primitive would hit on.

"In choosing such a person, this time, you'd better make it plain and clear and loud from the start that the person isn't anyone who gets any jollies out of looking at dirty pictures the way primitives do."

"Right," I said; "I didn't mean to give that impression of delilah, and so it's done."

TheHollywoodNeoCon played another hand, kissed Connie, and continued.

"It's got to be a woman, middle-aged preferably, for whom the male body presents no surprises, pleasant or unpleasant.  She's not going to see anything she hasn't seen before, and so she's going to be able to look at it in a cool, professional, detached, scientific, clinical manner, so as to answer the question.

"'Would a primitive hit on franksolich?'"

"Aha," I said; "I know the perfect person.

"Schadenfreude."

TheHollywoodNeoCon sipped his martini, motioning to a waiter that it needed refreshed.

"Good choice," my spirit guide said, "but problems.  No one doubts Schadenfreude is a woman of high quality and good character, someone of impeccable integrity and outstanding perception.  And you've known each other for years and years.

"The first problem is that Schadenfreude isn't around much these days.

"The second problem is that Schadenfreude doesn't hang around the DUmpster, and so she might not be intimately acquainted with the primitives."

"Wait," I interrupted; "she's somewhat familiar with the primitives--not a whole lot, but somewhat--and besides, she lives in Minnesota, which is permeated with primitives, and so she understands what turns on primitives.

"So I think Schadenfreude's expert enough to answer the question, "would a primitive hit on franksolich?"

"Go for it, kid," TheHollywoodNeoCon said, and then getting bored with me, turned to resume playing and whisper gossip to Betty and Connie, and Lauren Bacall, who had just shown up.
Democrats: A bunch of rich people convincing poor people to vote for rich people by telling poor people that other rich people are the reason they are poor

Life is short, and suddenly you're not there any more.