Wow.
I got an e-mail--my real-life e-mail account, not the clarebootheluce gmail--from one of my deep sources on Skins's island--over the night. This isn't the taciturn one, this is the chatty one, and since it was chockful of gossip about the primitives, I can't post it here. However, I was told "great!!! job!!!" (exact quote) in developing this script.
It must pain the primitives much, to not be able to respond.
Anyway, before that, I was visited by my spirit guide TheHollywoodNeoCon, during the night.
"You know, kid," he boomed from above, "while I was playing golf with David Selznick this afternoon, it suddenly struck me there's a little something wrong with your script, and it's something you better hurry up and adjust.
"You might be impugning the reputations of two highly-respected members of the DUmpster; you don't mean to, and she doesn't take it that way, but to the casual reader, you might, uh, be giving a wrong impression.
"Now, most people who were around when Scamdy was around, can understand why you sent that, uh, controversial photograph to members of Scamdy; after all, you were a tight-knit group of people who got to know each other in real life as on the internet, and so that was a wonderful example of your trust.
"You were upset, you were distraught, you were pissed off.
"And Scamdy was the best place for you to go, to blow off steam.
"We all know this, but the casual reader might not be aware of the 'back-story' here.
"And so the casual reader, you might be giving the impression delilah likes to look at dirty pictures."
"Oh no," I gasped in horror.
"delilah is," I continued, "a woman of Class and Quality and Elegance and Style and Manners and Grace; delilah isn't the type who likes to look at dirty pictures.
"delilah reminds me very much of Lady Patricia Brabourne, who's now--"
"I know who Lady Mountbatten used to be," TheHollywoodNeoCon interrupted; "and I know that Lady Mountbatten is the sans peer in the department of principle and integrity; without peer in her good manners, good taste, and good style.
"But you'd better make it clear to your readers," my spirit guide continued, "that delilah is above looking at dirty pictures, that it's not really her thing to do.
"And besides, delilah's a happily married woman with sons; she's seen it all, and so nothing about the male body is a surprise or a shock to her. She's able to look at it objectively, scientifically, and clinically.
"But you'd better make it clear delilah is not anyone who gets kicks out of looking at dirty pictures."
"Done," I said.
TheHollywoodNeoCon continued; "The other person is, of course your own reputation. You've always been a good Catholic boy, an enthusiastic subscriber to the Doctrines of Rome."
"Right," I said; "I'm not perfect, but I do try."
"You know, of course," he pointed out, "that amendment of character is best done with love and compassion and understanding, and it's a virtue to try to convert others to the light, the freedom, the illumination, that comes with being a decent and civilized person.
"But you're not treating the primitives with love and compassion and understanding; in fact, you're rather harsh with them."
I defended myself; "franksolich has already been the love route, the compassion route, the understanding route, with the primitives of Skins's island, and it hasn't worked.
"As Lord Baring once said, the primitives need to feel the lash of the whip. Lashing a few of them will change them into decent and civilized people; lashing a few more of them will change them into halfway decent and civilized people, but most primitives need to be lashed simply because they're primitives.
"It makes things better for humanity."
TheHollywoodNeoCon mulled that over.
"Okay," he finally said; "you are whipping the primitives out of love, because loving the primitives hasn't worked. Got that.
"Can you promise that your motives are pure, that you are heckling the primitives, driving them nuts, stirring them into a frenzy, simply out of love and compassion for them?"
"Yes," I lied.
"Okay," said my spirit guide, "carry on with the script, kid."
Then TheHollywoodNeoCon tapped me on the shoulder; "But don't forget one of the principle rules of Scamdy; you need an unbiased independent authentication by an independent unbiased third party, to affirm to others that all you have alleged (about the identity and nature) of this particular photrograph, is true; that all you have said about it, is real.
"But you need that unbiased independent third party to be someone you utterly trust, someone who's going to keep it private, someone who's not going to post the photograph on a public forum, or share it with others via e-mail or personal message.
"Quite obviously that person is the heart of your heart, delilah."
"Right," I said; "delilah isn't going to do something that connects this photograph with franksolich, or my real name, or what the primitives assume is my real name.
"She's not going to post it, she's not going to share it with others.
"delilah's job is simply to inspect the photograph and describe, in the DUmpster, in her own words, the features and qualities of it.
"And after describing the photograph--in her own words--delilah's job is to answer to us here in the DUmpster, the main question: 'is franksolich someone a primitive would hit on?'.