XemaSab stalks a married man..

[Lauri]

this may be, hands down, the most pathetic post I've ever read from DU... and that's saying something.

Xema writes a man and asks for a small favor.

I have two other favors to ask.

I got you a present, and I'd like you to accept it. Like, when I give it
to you I'd like you to say "Thank you, this was very thoughtful of you! I
appreciate it!" Then you can go throw it away, or whatever.

The other thing is sort of complicated and I'm not sure how to phrase it.
Basically, I am still confused about why you'd ever be remotely interested
in me. I really don't understand it. The cynical interpretation suggests
that you just thought I'd be easy, but maybe that's not the case. In the
service of helping me understand this, I'd like you to write me a
handwritten note with a few NICE things about myself. If you can't think
of anything true, make stuff up. (Short history: The last person I liked
took it upon himself to say MEAN things about me, so I'm trying to counter
that here.) I'd like it written out by hand, but you don't have to sign
it, and no-one else will ever see it or know it exists.

I know I've totally overthought this, and it's sort of pathetic,
demanding, and high-maintenance, but both of these things would be much
appreciated.

Oh, and if I decide to have a good-bye party, I'd like you to go.

After that I will drop off the face of the earth and leave you alone.

and the man responds..

Xema-

This is not, and has never been, a relationship, yet there is drama. I do not like drama, especially when it is unnecessary. I have been telling you for some time that I thought you were a nice person, who is smart and interesting, but that I was just vulnerable (and horny) that night when we were both drunk. Yes, the reason I RESPONDED to your advance that night when, again, we were both drunk, is because I thought you were interested in sex--not a relationship. Please don't make me spell it out any more plainly. Also, as a reminder, and to be very clear...we did not ever have sex.

Subsequently, during both of our discussions, I explained my vulnerability to you, and also let you know that a sexual relationship with you was not going to work for me, and that, in effect, it was a mistake for me to have attempted to have sex with you. You're smart--I know you can understand this. However, it seems that you are, and have been, creating something from nothing. I am now starting to get annoyed. As I have mentioned, I think it would be best (and I must now insist) that we do not spend time alone, not that we have--other than our one meeting to discuss this, and then another time, at your request, for twenty-minutes, to again discuss this, after DL. I hope it will not get to the point where I will feel I cannot show up at DL.

I am so sorry that you have any painful or unpleasant feelings directed toward me or, especially, as a result of me. However, the fact is that we are both adults and I would have expected this confusion to be over by now. I appreciate the thoughtfulness of a gift. However, I think you will understand when I say that I do NOT feel it appropriate for me to accept it, nor for you to give it. Please try to understand that if you are not able to move on from the problem you have with me, then I will concede the DL group to you.

Again, Xema, you are a very intelligent, compassionate and thoughtful person. Good luck with your job hunt. I'm sure it will all work out fine. BTW, the greatest gift you could give me (AND YOU) is to stop thinking about me. And, do yourself a favor: don't over-analyze this letter. It's all good.

Take care,
Jefe

P.S. If you write me back, please understand if I don't respond.

and it gets better..

bicentennial_baby 
6. Oh Christ, he's MARRIED?!
   
:wtf:

Step away, and quickly... Jeebus. Bad idea, sister.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7653347


most of them tell Xema to stop stalking the man.. she seems to be reveling in being a huge loser and posting about it on the internet.. after telling the guy she wont tell anyone about the hand written letter she asks him to write.

*cookoo*

[Chris_]

What missing enzyme causes people like this to discuss this in public?

My God, have we become so Oprah/Dr. Phil/Spinger-ized that we we will take what is both a personal issue and one we should feel shame about and post it for the world to read?

Shame is what is missing from the modern western world.

[asdf2231]

[RedTail]

Bi-baby commenting on this???? She who stole a married man and ended up driving another woman to near insanity commenting on this?

Yanno... Metal tastes like.... Sometimes it's Goldy; sometimes, it's bronzy; but this tastes... Irony.


*Red*

[Mr Mannn]

I used to date a psycho chic like this one.
Over analyzing everything and coming to consistently wrong conclusions was a hallmark of hers.

The best thing I ever did was break it off.

I don't think men are fearful of commitment. I think we have all been scarred for life by dating a psycho chick. We all know a psycho chick. Ones ever running for president.
Normal gals have no concept of the damage a psycho chick can do to a man.

Dating a psycho chick can keep a man single for years afterwards!

[RedTail]

I used to date a psycho chic like this one.
Over analyzing everything and coming to consistently wrong conclusions was a hallmark of hers.

The best thing I ever did was break it off.

I don't think men are fearful of commitment. I think we have all been scarred for life by dating a psycho chick. We all know a psycho chick. Ones ever running for president.
Normal gals have no concept of the damage a psycho chick can do to a man.

Dating a psycho chick can keep a man single for years afterwards!

Pffft. Oh, I know the damage of psycho chicks.

The psycho chick is not merely the bane of straight men. . .no sir.

*Red*

[jtyangel]

I'm going to cut Xema some slack. We have no idea how much this fella encourages it despite his protests. I've been around long enough to know that men can sometimes really play with a woman's emotions. That said, Xema would be wise to leave it alone. Her self-worth does not revolve around what this guy thinks of her.

[mamacags]

ATTENTION MEN!  This is why you should NEVER cheat on your wife.  If you think she is crazy and bitter just wait a couple of months until skanky home wrecker shows her true colors.  I have never met a home wrecker who wasn't a psycho bitch.

This ad cracked me up though......

Liberal Quicksand
Providing education on the dangers of Liberals and their policies. 

[Toastedturningtidelegs]

Hi5 ASDF

[jtyangel]

ATTENTION MEN!  This is why you should NEVER cheat on your wife.  If you think she is crazy and bitter just wait a couple of months until skanky home wrecker shows her true colors.  I have never met a home wrecker who wasn't a psycho bitch.

This ad cracked me up though......

Liberal Quicksand
Providing education on the dangers of Liberals and their policies. 

It would seem a SPOUSE stepping out in a HAPPY marriage is a little unbalanced too wouldn't it?

[mamacags]

Yes a cheating spouse is the definition of piece of shit.  I never understood why people risk loosing their family, love, marriage, trust and friendships over sex.

[Dixie*Darling]

I've never understood the mindset of women (or men) who pursue someone who is married.  What can you possibly gain other than drama and heartache? 

My uncle (I no longer refer to him as such tho) and aunt were married for 27 years.  Once my cousins were grown and gone, he decides he no longer loves her, has an affair, causes much drama, and they divorce.  He marries his "home wrecker", 2-3 years later pursues another woman, whom he later marries. 

WTH?  Isn't that what the latter years of life are all about?  Once the nest is empty and your lives together become your own, all that you've worked and strived for, all that you've given each other, heartfully, doesn't it mean anything?  Shouldn't this be a time of celebration, a time to re-acquaint yourselves with what drew you to this person in the first place?  A time to enjoy the new generation (grandkids)?  A time to enjoy the lesser responsibilities of not having to provide for a full sized family any more? 

Idealistic, I know.  Maybe this is why renewing vows is so popular these day. 

[Toastedturningtidelegs]

Yes a cheating spouse is the definition of piece of shit.  I never understood why people risk loosing their family, love, marriage, trust and friendships over sex.

Do you think these things happen in a vacuum mama? Do you really think people cheat just for sex?

[Chris_]

ATTENTION MEN!  This is why you should NEVER cheat on your wife.  If you think she is crazy and bitter just wait a couple of months until skanky home wrecker shows her true colors.  I have never met a home wrecker who wasn't a psycho bitch.

This ad cracked me up though......

Liberal Quicksand
Providing education on the dangers of Liberals and their policies. 

[mamacags]

Yes a cheating spouse is the definition of piece of shit.  I never understood why people risk loosing their family, love, marriage, trust and friendships over sex.

Do you think these things happen in a vacuum mama? Do you really think people cheat just for sex?

Yes.  Either they are just in it for the sex or they are just in it because they are a piece of shit that has no respect for anyone else.

[Chris_]

Yes a cheating spouse is the definition of piece of shit.  I never understood why people risk loosing their family, love, marriage, trust and friendships over sex.

Do you think these things happen in a vacuum mama? Do you really think people cheat just for sex?

Are you defending extra-marital affairs?

[Toastedturningtidelegs]

Yes a cheating spouse is the definition of piece of shit.  I never understood why people risk loosing their family, love, marriage, trust and friendships over sex.

Do you think these things happen in a vacuum mama? Do you really think people cheat just for sex?

Are you defending extra-marital affairs?

Defending? No. I don't believe that people engage in them just for sex. There is usually something missing from the marriage and its not always sex. I've talked to quite a few people who have had affairs and very rarely is it just sex. I just thought that mamas view was a little simplistic{no offense implied mama!}.In a perfect world if you are unhappy you should get out of the marriage before an affair. Lots of things go into destroying a marriage, sex is but one. If your marriage is a happy one to begin with no other person should be able to take you from it.

[Flame]

I have a BIL who takes the cake....not only was he having an affair, his wife was in the hospital on bedrest, pregnant with their 2nd baby.  Then, after the baby was born, he brought the mistress to the HOSPITAL and introduced her to the wife as a co-worker because she wanted to see the baby.  AND, when the wife wants to name the baby "x" (don't want reveal names), the husband doesn't say anything, even though the mistress HAS THE SAME NAME!

Oh, and this all happened the end of Oct...wife found out about the affair, they separated, and the BIL brought the mistress to the family Thanksiving gathering!!

Yeah, it was interesting.

[mamacags]

There are certain things I only see in black or white
A. Cheating: If you cheat you are a piece of shit no matter what your reasons are
B. Abortion: It is murder no matter how you got pregnant
C. Death Penalty: We don't use it enough and I don't have any pity for the condemned
D. America: Greatest country on Earth and if you are an American and don't agree you should get your ass kicked out.

[jtyangel]

Yes a cheating spouse is the definition of piece of shit.  I never understood why people risk loosing their family, love, marriage, trust and friendships over sex.

I think there is probably more depth to these situations and people then you are giving them credit. There are a lot of marital vows that can be broken and many are or have been up until the point of infidelity by BOTH parties. I understand people as complicated emotional creatures. It is not a defense, but I do think you are being very simplistic about this issue.

And yes, I see this personal. My best friend was involved in something like this in her early 20's. She is NOT a piece of shit, nor has she never been such.

[jtyangel]

Yes a cheating spouse is the definition of piece of shit.  I never understood why people risk loosing their family, love, marriage, trust and friendships over sex.

Do you think these things happen in a vacuum mama? Do you really think people cheat just for sex?

Are you defending extra-marital affairs?

Acknowledging the depth of human psychology is not a defense of a behavior because of that psychology, free. We are all adults here and are capable of understanding the whys even if we don't approve of the results. It shouldn't scare anyone to say that sometimes affairs are born out of bad marriages. If anything, you would think acknowledging the marriage is bad would maybe burn a fire under one or both parties that it's time to put some work in and salvage it.

I'm not defending it either, I'm just not naive enough to think that affairs happen to good, healthy relationships or good, healthy people. I think usually one of those two things are broken. What mama describes is a broken person, but there are indeed broken relationships too. 

[mamacags]

We differ in opinions then.  We were given free will for a reason.  We choose what to do with ourselves.  If you are sleeping with someone besides your spouse you are a piece of shit.  Get a freaking divorce!  It isn't that hard.  It costs less than $1000 in most places and then you are free to bed whoever you want.

[jtyangel]

There are certain things I only see in black or white
A. Cheating: If you cheat you are a piece of shit no matter what your reasons are
B. Abortion: It is murder no matter how you got pregnant
C. Death Penalty: We don't use it enough and I don't have any pity for the condemned
D. America: Greatest country on Earth and if you are an American and don't agree you should get your ass kicked out.

Fair enough. I guess I'm always interested in getting to the heads of people who are there. It probably is good to know so we all know what to avoid in our marriages and make sure we are putting the work in. I know that was my point..knowing about something does not mean saying it is ok. There are lessons to be learned there, no matter your feeling on it.

and my best friend is still not a piece of shit, but of course I understand all the dynamics there and I also know this same 'piece of shit' did not choose to abort the product of that coupling and now has an almost 16 year old daughter who is an absolute delight. Ahh, well...life goes on.

[jtyangel]

We differ in opinions then.  We were given free will for a reason.  We choose what to do with ourselves.  If you are sleeping with someone besides your spouse you are a piece of shit.  Get a freaking divorce!  It isn't that hard.  It costs less than $1000 in most places and then you are free to bed whoever you want.

Again, a simplistic view, but meh, you are entitled to it.

And you are leaning on Christian view of free will? I doubt Jesus sees even cheaters as 'pieces of shit', but hey, that's just me and I lean in the camp of contrition and forgiveness from the Savior, not endless apologies or justifications to imperfect men and women who by definition of sin are just as much 'pieces of shit' as any other sinner.

[Toastedturningtidelegs]

We differ in opinions then.  We were given free will for a reason.  We choose what to do with ourselves.  If you are sleeping with someone besides your spouse you are a piece of shit.  Get a freaking divorce!  It isn't that hard.  It costs less than $1000 in most places and then you are free to bed whoever you want.

Actually mama! if you are a man in a divorce especially in my state you get ****ed six ways from sunday even if you were not the one cheating or even wanting the divorce to begin with. It will cost considerably more than $1000. Gotta love the no fault divorce laws.