DUmmies thinks secession is a good idea.SacredCow (1000+ posts) Thu Mar-19-09 04:43 PM
Original message
Oh, Noeeeees... The Freepers want to divorce us!
From FreeRepublic, and no doubt making the email rounds....
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine, and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum-Ba-Ya", or "We Are the World".
We'll practice trickle-down economics, and you can give trickle-up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.
Yeah, right.... Like someone (besides another Freeper) would marry those mouth-breathers on purpose!
Sounds good to me. We'll make Arlington cemetary an international zone, but we'll guard it. We'll flip for the name and the flag, since we already have a perfectly good name and flag available if we lose the toss. Also, we get in counties that are continous to red state lines in blue states, and they get the same for blue counties in red states. Both sides could give one year of free movement so people and business could settle in the country of their choice.
Renew Deal (1000+ posts) Thu Mar-19-09 04:44 PM
Response to Original message
1. This is America. Love it or leave it!
So, when you packing your bags, I'll help.
rolltideroll (365 posts) Thu Mar-19-09 04:52 PM
Response to Reply #2
8. As a native of Alabama
The rest of the US will be sending the massive aid in the form of food after the communication,transportation and distribution networks ran by the college types this guy hates break down because not many red staters do these type of jobs. Also,their concept of economics gives them about 6 months until the ultra rich con these useful idiots into a corporate dictatorship. It would be a bananna republic in no time.
Those are backbone jobs, pal. I think you vastly underestimate how many conservatives do those kinds of work. OTOH, you don't find people with degrees in Underwater upside Basketweaving art appreciation doing that kind of work. There is a difference between regulating business and trying to choke off any business venture because you think anybody that makes a dime is evil.
sinkingfeeling (1000+ posts) Thu Mar-19-09 04:48 PM
Response to Original message
4. But how will the 'red' states survive without those 'redistributive taxes'?
Ah, that meme again. It is either the red areas of the blue states or conservatives living in blue areas that produce much of those outlays. Where do you think they are going to go given an oppurunity before you tax and regulate all profit out of their efforts.
southpaw (1000+ posts) Thu Mar-19-09 04:49 PM
Response to Original message
5. Ha... there are so many things wrong with that
Last I heard, the group that seceeds from a nation gives up the name of the country and the flag.
How bout this, freeper: we'll keep the name and remove a few stars from our flag. You idiots can be the new confederacy and make Rush Limbaugh your king.
Deal, but only if you make Obama your absolute monarch.
arcadian (1000+ posts) Thu Mar-19-09 04:52 PM
Response to Original message
9. Well, that does it. Time to take away their guns round 'em up and put 'em in camps.
Go ahead and try, it's still a relatively free country.
rolltideroll (365 posts) Thu Mar-19-09 04:58 PM
Response to Reply #9
21. Wait for the code word, comrade
We don't need to know the code word, comrade. When we see a bunch of men walking down the street wearing pink triangles and brandishing large pink didlos, well know it's time to shoot.
Arugula Latte (1000+ posts) Thu Mar-19-09 06:13 PM
Response to Reply #9
66. I have my soap-making kit at hand. nt
Which side are the Nazi's again?
Jackpine Radical (1000+ posts) Thu Mar-19-09 04:54 PM
Response to Original message
12. Lessee now...
Most blue states are net exporters of cash to the Federal government; while most red states are on the government dole for unneeded military bases and whatnot. Henceforth, we'll just keep our money at home.
They can have all those science programs that teach creationism and whatnot. We'll keep the med schools, the law schools, and the major universities, all of them staffed mostly by liberal intellectuals.
Most people who make more than $250k per year vote Democratic, so we're taking the income tax base with us. They can keep WalMart, who uses minimum-wage employees to sell things made in China to other minimum-wage employees.
They can keep their Mississippi and Texas-style public schools; without them pulling down the national average, the rest of us will soar in the international education ratings.
You get all the welfare leeches, land in California that no liberal white is going to be able to hang on to for more than a few years, and a bunch of liberal arts schools (and MIT). We'll keep quite a few very good schools for ourselves, they just won't be given subsidies to artificially raise their costs. We might teach our kids theories of evolution and creationism and let them decide what they think about it. We might also focus on teaching our kids english and logic, while yours learn how a condom fits on a cucumber.
drmeow (1000+ posts) Thu Mar-19-09 04:54 PM
Response to Original message
14. Hmm - assuming we get the "blue"
states and they get the "red states" that means we get all of Silicon Valley ($$$$$), New York ($$$$$), most of the coastal states and all the Great Lakes states (come spend your tourist dollars at our beaches), some of the best colleges (which includes some of the best medical and dental schools - free for our country - be prepared to pay out of country tuition!), much of what's left of manufacturing ... who did you say would be begging for help again?
Ah, yes the beaches. We would have beaches in Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Texas, and Alaska. Totaled up, we would have far more coastline than you. We would also have the manufacturing base that's been built since you chased all the manufactureres out of your states. We would immediately have all sorts of auto manufacturing plants, for starters. Cars, you know, those things Detroit can't make anymore.
ThoughtCriminal (1000+ posts) Thu Mar-19-09 04:54 PM
Response to Original message
15. We paid for that Military
with you know... TAXES!. So we get to keep that too. Oh - and stay off our tax-payer financed roads, out of our parks and don't call our police or fire departments if you need help.
Sorry, you call the soldiers nazis and worse, and you don't provide soldiers. They stay with us. Fire departments and police departments are provided mostly by local funding, and you idiots started the ignorant idea that they are somehow socialist. You didn't pay for those roads, basement dweller.
zipplewrath (509 posts) Thu Mar-19-09 04:57 PM
Response to Original message
18. We get Social Security
List all the programs we get to keep that they claim not to like and then see how many folks sign up. SS, workmans comp, unemployment insurance, FDIC, FDA, FCC......
Oh, and we get American the Beautiful and God Bless America.
We only said SS should actually stand on it's own and not be just another tax, like it is currently. Ya'll howled when we tried to take a step towards doing that. Once again, show us where conservatives opposed the FDIC, the FDA, or the FCC. The FDA and the FCC clearly operate on outdated models, yet it is you liberals which oppose any efforts to overhaul laws in a common sense fashion to bring regulations into the 21st century.
Epiphany4z (1000+ posts) Thu Mar-19-09 04:58 PM
Response to Original message
22. omg...lol...
the world is just so black and white to them............wait I know! lets just paint one giant white line through the country and you stay on your side Ill stay on mine!.....hmm hey it worked on giligans island,the brady bunch,the flinstones,ect........
Pot, kettle, black.
angrycarpenter (1000+ posts) Thu Mar-19-09 05:06 PM
Response to Original message
29. The saddest thing is that about 20% of the population.
think that they are a majority and that this crap is roll on the floor funny.
58 million people voted againt your side. Stop and think about that for a moment. You really didn't get that many more votes. If we held an election today, the messiah would be out of a job.
old mark (1000+ posts) Fri Mar-20-09 02:31 AM
Response to Reply #91
99. As that great American Liberal Chesty Puller said," We are completely
surrounded by the enemy - they can't get away from us now!"
mark
Chesty Puller had, ya know, men, Marines, around him. What do you got? Yeah, I'd suddenly be a little worried too.
Webster Green (1000+ posts) Thu Mar-19-09 05:09 PM
Response to Original message
32. “Healthcare is a luxury and not a right.†(Judeo-Christian values?)
Heh! All Jesus talked about was helping people.
"We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street"
Heh! The only thing that got Jesus really pissed was the greedy moneychangers.
These folks are loony!
No, Jesus just told them that changing money in the temple was wrong, because that is where people come to meditate and pray. He shooed the animals out, and the merchants followed. It's called moral authority.
Terran (1000+ posts) Thu Mar-19-09 05:09 PM
Response to Original message
33. I'd bet this dummy ANWAR...
Edited on Thu Mar-19-09 05:10 PM by Terran
...which one of us will still be a democracy in 15 years.
...which one of us won't have re-instituted slavery in 15 years.
...which one of us won't have an average life expectancy of 45 in 15 years.
And I so agree, this is just lame. Wingnuts can't write humor worth sh*t.
We'd be a republic. You would be worshiping an ogligarchy. Why bother with slavery, when you can use the state to confiscate any wealth. We'll free doctors to benefit from their own efforts, we will have a fine life expectancy. You will have to import any doctors you have in fifteen years.
YOY (1000+ posts) Thu Mar-19-09 05:23 PM
Response to Original message
39. "we'll keep our history, our name and our flag. "
Edited on Thu Mar-19-09 05:54 PM by YOY
Sorry. It's not yours to keep. Neither are "The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem". They work just fine for us. You can use anything kick ass by Toby Keith or the Nuge that you want...or better yet picture it "Guns and ****ing Roses!" Axyl will be happy to have an entire mulleted nation to worship his lame ass.
Kumbuya? Really, what ****ing planet and century do you think this is? Furthermore who the **** do you think you are talking to? A bunch of wussies? Little ****tard, I will put my Returned Peace Corps foot up your ass. I'll keep it there unil you sing "Kumbuya" for me.
And lets get to the heart of it, shall we? Why the **** are you so much more "in love with America" than us? You don't even know what the **** it stands for. You can't name an amendment but the 2nd and on occasion the first but you never read either in full.
You got guns??? I got one too! I just realize that I only have one decent trigger finger...something many of you still haven't.
You can write your own history though. You're got at it...and why would you get Wallstreet. It's smack dab in the middle of "Librul Commie Country"?
Walmart? All yours. As for Fonda and Streisand...uh sure. They can go wherever they want to go.
Look above, we'll flip for it. As far as the Peace Corps, I'll see that and raise you a marine corps. I notice that you cede one of the largest corporations in the world to us, thanks. We won't need Wall Street, so don't worry. We have a few cities that are better suited for an exchange anyway. Once you start taking every cent of profit they make, they'll turn real conservative real fast.
guitar man (1000+ posts) Thu Mar-19-09 05:27 PM
Response to Original message
42. "Healthcare is a luxury"
Edited on Thu Mar-19-09 05:27 PM by guitar man
Fair enough, wait until your grossly underpaid, uninsured or even jobless ass is stuck out in the sticks with your sister, er....I mean wife havig a baby at home with no nurse or doctor anywhere around and the baby breaches....you'll want healthcare then freep, won't you?
Dumbasses!
Haha! You think suggesting we're all inbred makes you cute. How about we break out family trees dumbass, let's see which one has more branches. As far as healthcare, we'll have plenty of hospitals that offer affordable care. They won't be forced to take deadbeats without somebody paying. I would happily donate to such a charity, your government forces hospitals to provide care right now.
Manifestor_of_Light (1000+ posts) Thu Mar-19-09 11:08 PM
Response to Reply #42
94. That's because they don't know shit about women and reproduction.
They are too macho to go to a doctor themselves. They think if they ignore their drinking problem, or their obesity, or high blood pressure, it will go away. They believe that only women are sissy enough to go to doctors, and they make up their problems so some man in a white coat will listen to them.
They think that all women should just squat down and deliver the baby without any help other than a midwife, like them peasant women in Asia.
They think pregnancy and childbirth is easy, because they don't know SHIT about it.
I was married to a troglodyte Republican who knew nothing about females. When I was in the hospital, flat on my back, after I was sliced open from one hip to the other to take our baby out, and sewn up, and with a catheter in my bladder, he sat on the other side of the room and told me I was "lazy".
No, your husband was a jerk. No shortage of those of any political stripe. I think you will find that most Republican men and women are generally healthier than a pack of city dwelling liberals.
wickerwoman (1000+ posts) Thu Mar-19-09 05:30 PM
Response to Original message
43. Since you guys hate unions,
we'll take all the teachers, firemen, cops, teamsters, longshoremen, autoworkers and food service people.
You can have fun "managing" each others' lazy, ignorant, incurious asses.
You can keep your overpaid, obnoxious union thugs. You don't think there are teachers, fire fighters, cops, and auto workers that aren't union? You are a fool. As far as lazy ignorant,, or incurious, any time you want my job, come and take it. You would want to give it back by the end of the day. We have a word for the lazy around here, it's called fired, but I'm sure you are familiar with it. I assume by ignorant and incurious you mean that we dare challenge your socialist theories. Sticking your fingers in your ears and yelling, "lalalalalalala" when we present them doesn't make you intelligent or curious.
southernyankeebelle (297 posts) Thu Mar-19-09 05:35 PM
Response to Original message
48. FINE HOWEVER, NEW YORK AND CALIFORNIA PAY THE MOST FEDERAL TAX AND
THE RED STATES DON'T. YOU MIGHT THINK LIBERALS ARE DUMB BUT HONEY DON'T YOU BELIEVE IT. WE WILL FIGHT FOR WHAT IS RIGHT. I AM WILLING TO BET WHEN YOU SET UP YOUR RELIGIOUS STATE YOU WILL HAVE A LOT OF DEFECTORS. THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO LIVE UP TO THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT MORALS. THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT IS GOOD AT PREACHER BUT NOT LIVING IT. NOT ALL LIBERAL ARE AFRAID OF GUNS. WE JUST DON'T BELIEVE IN HAVING MACHINE GUNS.
Ah, the religous state again. You must mean one like the founding fathers thought of when they declared that the government they created was only fit for a god fearing and moral people. I guess they were just a bunch of white slave owning males to you though.
Stargazer09 (332 posts) Thu Mar-19-09 05:51 PM
Response to Original message
58. OMG! The stupidity simply amazes me!
How did any of them reach adulthood without being clobbered for their stupidity?
The sad part is that there are thousands of idiots in this country who actually want this to happen.
On the other hand, at least we did make it out of our parent's houses. Instead of just taking up residence in the basement.
demigoddess (1000+ posts) Thu Mar-19-09 06:16 PM
Response to Reply #58
70. all of the republicans I know are definitely mentally challenged
no sarcasm intended.
Meaning they dared to disagree with the all knowing wanna be.
Stargazer09 (332 posts) Thu Mar-19-09 09:49 PM
Response to Reply #70
93. It's the lack of education
They really are living examples of what happens when you rob the schools of the money they need to teach our kids.
Pretty sad, actually.
Which school districts spend the most money per pupil? Which school districts have the highest rate of failure? Odd correlation, that.
ProudToBeBlueInRhody (1000+ posts) Thu Mar-19-09 06:39 PM
Response to Reply #59
76. For them, it's all about getting laid
Considering for the majority of them, it's been awhile.
Study after study has shown that conservatives have more sex and are happier with their sex lives than liberals, try again dumbass.
RedCappedBandit (1000+ posts) Thu Mar-19-09 06:14 PM
Response to Original message
67. They want the police, military, but how will they fund it? lol
Local taxes, same as always, dumbass.
Liberalynn (1000+ posts) Thu Mar-19-09 07:13 PM
Response to Reply #67
88. And would the military and the police really want to stick with them or us?
Edited on Thu Mar-19-09 07:14 PM by Liberalynn
I think its only fair they get to choose.
My guess is most of them would pick the side most capable of reason. That would be us.
This from the side that thought Obama was gonna pay all of their bills....reason my foot.
Arkana (1000+ posts) Thu Mar-19-09 07:00 PM
Response to Original message
86. By all means, Freeps.
We're tired of the abusive nature of this relationship anyway. Oh, and all that shit you mentioned? You can ****ing keep it. The SUVs, the "hot hockey moms" (by that I assume you mean Governor Retard (R-Next To Russia)), and the trickle-down economics that have worked JUST so well in the past.
Morons.
Abusive you say? Well let's take a look at which political party has to endure physical attacks on it by the other sides minions. Which side spent eight long years demonizing the other side? Which side wants to strip away personal and economic freedoms? It's abusive, and maybe we're finally getting tired of it.
Chisox08 (489 posts) Thu Mar-19-09 09:49 PM
Response to Original message
92. Let them leave!
We will be sending them a bill for all of the lives and millitary equipment lost in their illegal wars. Also we will prosecute Bush and Cheney for their War crimes. Oh we also want payment for the removal of Walmart, AIG, Fox Noise and other greedy corperations that has caused the downfall of our economy.
Let them have Freeperland and watch after 5 years they will be crossing illegally into Mexico.
The corporations will happily remove themselves from your territories, no sweat there. Give it up on Bush and Cheney already, you don't have any actual charges yet. It's been mostly our children that have fought in this war, you are to busy raising gays and metrosexuals to produce many soldiers. Who knows about Mexico, they have beautiful women, beaches, tequila, and tons of untapped natural resources, most countries would have trouble keeping us out.
Warren DeMontague (1000+ posts) Fri Mar-20-09 03:21 AM
Response to Original message
103. Ha, ha. Yeah. New York, California, and the major financial ctrs. like Chicago are Democratic.
You can take Bum****, Alabama.
We'll take science, you can take creationism. Good luck flying the airplanes in your righteous Christian Air Force with prayer, instead of physics & math.
We get Ashley Judd. You get Phylis Shlafly & Dr. Laura.
We get the birth control pill. You get "abstinence only". (enjoy!)
We get R.E.M., Bruce Springsteen, The Dead, most of Hollywood, and the vast majority of the talented & creative people in this country. You get The Nuge, Toby Keith, Kirk Cameron, Kirk Cameron's amazing evolution-disproving banana, and ---best of all-- hate radio. (note I said "talented", and "creative")
etc.
You get a bunch of washed up has beens, the wierdos, and the insane, maybe some of the rich, and all of the welfare recipients. By the way, you are aware of which states score the highest in terms of mathematics in exams, right? They ain't the liberal ones. You also are aware that a lot of aircraft, including military aircraft are built in red areas, right?
I say, just bring it.
{edited to remove blank space at end}
