Author Topic: What Problem Do You Need?  (Read 9737 times)

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Offline Chris

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What Problem Do You Need?
« on: February 28, 2009, 09:46:38 PM »
Everybody needs problems.  Problems make great conversation starters.  People always talk about their problems and if you don't have any, you won't have anything to talk about.  Also, people will hate you.   

The trouble is, not everybody knows what kind of problem they need.  In this test I'll be asking some questions to find out what's not wrong with your life, and then I'll give you a problem to acquire.

Become a Sex Offender!
You don't have enough legal (56%) or sexual (31%) problems.

This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate.

Offline Chris_

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Re: What Problem Do You Need?
« Reply #1 on: March 01, 2009, 01:02:17 AM »
You don't have enough financial (64%) or legal (56%) problems.
     You're rich and don't have problems with the law.  **** you.

Let's fix this right away.  Start screwing over your employees.  Take the money from your vast financial empire for personal use.  Steal pensions.  Employ creative bookkeeping.  Funnel funds into your offshore accounts.

The thing is, even if you get caught, you'll probably only get a slap on the wrist. Asshole.

If you want to worship an orange pile of garbage with a reckless disregard for everything, get on down to Arbys & try our loaded curly fries.

Offline docstew

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Re: What Problem Do You Need?
« Reply #2 on: March 01, 2009, 12:28:56 PM »
Do Hard Drugs!
You don't have enough legal (72%) or health (63%) problems.

Looks like you're healthy and have so far avoided trouble with the law.  This is easy to fix.  Develop a drug habit.

I'm not talking about weed.  You need something much harder and nastier, like heroin or crack or crystal meth.  Go to the appropriate district in your city and spend all your money on one of these drugs.  Keep doing it until all your money is gone.  Then start stealing and mugging people to support your habit.

Optional: to get in trouble with the law even faster, buy extra with the intent to distribute, and be stupid about it.  Sell to schoolkids in broad daylight.