This fabricated story really needs a violin playing mournfully in the background. The TrueTurd Texan... I mean Trueblue Texan... really needed to begin this fairy tale with "So" or "Once upon a time".
Also, when the DUmmie made this story up, it should have also made up a local cop who's on the outs with the entire force because he's such a screwed up in the head leftist, and said Office OffHisRocker could have jumped out of the bushes next to the house trying to protect the made up "victims".
Oooo! On second thought, the made up cop should NOT be a "he" or "him", the pretend cop should be a he/she/it that's so screwed up in the head that it goes by the pronoun "they".
And to get at least a score of 5 on the bong scale, maybe have the neighbors, who've come out to see what is going on, all declare that the pretend "victims" should be left alone because they are a good family man family.