After 133 Years, 'Maxwell House' Coffee Is Rebranding to the Most Ridiculous Name Possible
What you're about to read might just be the most ridiculous thing you'll read all day.
Let's jump right in; I can't stand it.
The iconic coffee brand "Maxwell House" is undergoing a name change for the first time in 133 years, parent company Kraft Heinz has announced, to "reflect the changing landscape."
And what might be the new name of one of America's legacy coffee brands, you ask?
Buckle up, gang — here we go.
Maxwell House is being rebranded to "Maxwell Apartment," to reflect the changes in home ownership in America. I know, you can't make it up; the woke fools at Kraft Heinz already did.
A recent press release noted that nearly one-third of Americans are downsizing, choosing to rent smaller apartments instead of buying full-sized homes. Holly Ramsden, Head of Coffee for North America at the Kraft Heinz Company, said in the release:
Two-thirds of American adults drink coffee daily, and those costs can add up fast these days. Maxwell House believes everyone deserves great-tasting coffee. With Maxwell Apartment, we’re bringing the same classic flavor people love—at a price that reflects the smart choices our fans are making in their everyday lives.
Just as laughable, "Maxwell Apartment" will be marketed as available with a "12-month lease."
Here's more of the woke insanity:
Today, Maxwell House rebrands to “Maxwell Apartment” to meet the needs of today’s consumer and remind fans the brand is synonymous with great tasting, affordable coffee. In a time where value matters now more than ever, Americans seek value in areas of their everyday, including where they live with nearly a third opting to rent versus purchase a home.
As a real coffee for real people, with its “Good To the Last Drop” legacy, the name change celebrates the same principle that guided Maxwell House for more than a century – smart choices add up and choosing Maxwell House means enjoying a quality cup of coffee without the cafe price tag.
To celebrate, the brand is offering consumers even more value with a 12-month “lease” of Maxwell Apartment, designed to stock up coffee lovers nationwide.
https://redstate.com/mike_miller/2025/10/02/after-133-years-maxwell-house-coffee-is-rebranding-to-the-most-ridiculous-name-possible-n2194647

Editing to add a link that is clearly not conservative, because this sounded like a joke.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2025/10/01/maxwell-house-coffee-name-change-maxwell-apartment/86456209007/