Author Topic: the Tobe behaves quite strangely at times  (Read 633 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline franksolich

  • Scourge of the Primitives
  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 58679
  • Reputation: +3057/-173
the Tobe behaves quite strangely at times
« on: September 25, 2018, 09:54:07 PM »
https://www.democraticunderground.com/11519026

Oh my.

The Tobe apparently never learned how to please his parents.

Quote
Tobin S. (9,960 posts)     Mon Sep 24, 2018, 02:22 PM

Supposedly sane people can behave quite strangely at times.

In recent years I've begun looking at mental illness and familial relationships through a spiritual lens. I've been looking at these things like they have a greater purpose...perhaps one that spans more than one lifetime. A lot of people think I'm a fool for doing that, but there are some aspects of my life that only make sense when seen from this perspective. I have taken what has been given to me in this life in the form of relationships and have used it in a way that Ram Dass describes as "grist for the mill" of spiritual awakening. I'm going to tell you about what happened to me yesterday and then run it through this wider lens of awareness.

I was talking to my mom a few weeks back on the phone. I call her about once a week now days. I moved away from my hometown and close proximity to my parents several years ago. I now live about 50 miles away from my folks and in a different state. My mom was telling me in that conversation how much shes misses me and that it hurts her that I've moved so far away. She can't just drive a few miles and see me whenever she wishes now.

I've been working 6 days a week and 12 hours a day for a couple of months now. I don't have a lot of free time, and on my day off I just like to hang out and not do much of anything. But I felt like my mom needed to see me, so I invited her and my step-father over to my place last week to hang out with me and my wife on my day off which was yesterday. She happily accepted and they came over.

My wife is into arts and crafts and she sometimes makes things to sell at craft shows and festivals. She has been making customized note pads lately and she let my mom pick out a few to have. She also had this older Santa Claus figurine, and knowing that my mom loves all things Christmas. she gave it to her. Not wanting my step-dad to feel left out I bought him a bottle of his favorite booze. At least it was the last time I had spoken to him.

We sat and hate pizza and drank beer and talked. My wife talked anyway. My folks make her nervous and she talks a lot when she's nervous. After all the talk about missing me and how much it hurts her, my mom didn't say more much more than two words to me while she was here. When my wife presented her with the gifts she didn't express any gratitude and acted like she was paying for the stuff. I presented the bottle of booze to my step-dad, and he said that my step-sister (his daughter) gave him a bottle of a better brand that was smoother and higher proof.

My mom usually doesn't respond to kindness that way, but my step-father always does. Whenever I've given him a gift he finds fault with it. Even if he didn't like the gift you'd think he'd be decent enough to express gratitude for the gesture.

I'm not sure what my mom's deal is. She just seems to want to be in the same room with me. We'll talk for a half hour on the phone, but when she meets me in person she doesn't express much to me.

Strange people.

That's the way it was for me growing up. My folks seem to be incapable of expressing warmth unless they are drinking heavily or on the phone. When it comes to reality, it's like there is a barrier that gets in the way of them feeling and expressing love. I think it's because both of them were hurt badly when they were young when they've let themselves be vulnerable and open. They passed that hurt on to me and it absolutely drove me mad due to my sensitive nature.

Why are we in this situation? What are we to learn from it? Why are we related to each other? I think the answer to those questions stretches beyond this lifetime and into the spiritual realm, both backward and forward in time. Our curriculum seems to be geared toward learning how to express love and kindness even after the world has treated us harshly.

Quote
CaliforniaPeggy (126,075 posts)      Mon Sep 24, 2018, 02:36 PM

1. What an interesting post, my dear Tobin!

They ARE strange. I don't know how to explain it.

Best of luck in your quest. I look forward to seeing what you have to say, as I always do.

^^^posted as proof that Margaret's still in this time and place; she is after all only a year less ancient than the hoary old white-haired sourassed sourpuss crank from Vermont.
apres moi, le deluge