Primitive describes life locked up behind the padded walls of a booby hatch

[BattleHymn]

https://www.democraticunderground.com/11517292

Wed Jul 19, 2017, 07:17 PM
Star Member hunter (26,588 posts)

Been about a year since I was locked away with my fellow mentally ill people for a few days...


... danger to self, thankfully not to others.

Not the first time, and asking myself realistically, probably not the last. For now the new meds I acquired locked up seem to be working.

I'm a very dangerous fellow when I don't know what I'm doing and I've hurt others in my alternate realities, but somehow I've still got people who will stand by me at my very worst.

I'm not sure how I learned to build personal safety nets for myself, or why any sane person would ever volunteer for such, but here I am. I persist.

Thu Jul 20, 2017, 04:19 PM
Star Member hunter (26,588 posts)
9. Thank you.

 

I always feel like I'm dancing about my own issues here in this group, partly because I'm able to feign some measure of sanity up until the point I crash and burn entirely and somebody has to scrape me up off the street.

Shoes? Who needs shoes? I am Superman. Pay no attention to those bloody feet. (Self truth, there have been days in my life I need to feel something beyond voices and night terrors, even if it hurts bloody bad. Because hurt is real. The voices and night terrors are not.)

I even posted on DU a few times in the midst of my crisis, reasonable posts I believe, until they sent me to the locked ward, no internet allowed, no cell phones allowed, all phone calls in and out directed through the nursing station, some of them denied. More than three days of that.

Locked up we didn't even have any control over the single television in the community room. (Our rooms had no televisions, but they did have cameras. There wasn't any privacy in the toilets or showers either, no locks on the doors, and if you were too quiet for a few minutes somebody would immediately be pounding on the door asking if you were okay, and opening the door if you chose to remain mute. Big burly nurses, the sort who have seen EVERYTHING. Hey, I'm just taking a crap here...)

But partly it's a matter of pride too, and an effort to maintain some small measure of DU anonymity, maybe not so much for myself, but for those who have suffered me.

Haven't had any voices of dead people in my head for a year, or any night terrors, but this anniversary is hitting me a little harder than I think it ought to.

Translation:

Thu Jul 20, 2017, 06:01 PM
Star Member irisblue (9,273 posts)
14. Pretending I'm a 'Normie'

Yeah I know that one.
A slogan ...Fake it till you make it, never took for me.
I shower, groom appropriately, drink a coffee or water @ the mental health center/appointments, the whole time my agoraphobic anxiety brain is going .....ohhhhhh nooooo....

Thu Jul 20, 2017, 04:55 PM
Star Member hunter (26,588 posts)
11. Trouble is I'm not sure "strong" works.

I've got bad experiences trying to power through both asthma and a mind gone awry in my late adolescence.

If "strong" means a willingness to seek help, I haven't always been good at that.

Bouncing in and out of the E.R. unable to breathe, or psychotic, that's not strong.

It's not true "that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger." The bad shit just leaves you scarred.

Strength is found in the acceptance of that which you cannot control and dealing with your issues in the most practical way you can find.

I ****ing hate my meds, all of them. "Normal" people don't need meds, but the alternative no-meds, me Hunter, is worse. And I've tested those limits multiple times to the extent I'm clearly an incorrigible idiot.

Does that make me strong?

I think "strong" means a willingness to accept things you cannot change and deal with them in a practical manner. I'm not very good at that.

Thu Jul 20, 2017, 05:01 PM
Star Member Skittles (113,868 posts)
13. remember, there is always someone here on DU

*always*

I am up all night every night

Yep.  And remember, there is always someone from the Cave watching, too. 

All night, every night.   

[SSG Snuggle Bunny]

I grow tired of them bragging to each other how they are helpless to govern their own emotions but the next day they will be back to telling the rest of us how we ought to live our lives because they're so much better than we are.

[67 Rover]

I grow tired of them bragging to each other how they are helpless to govern their own emotions but the next day they will be back to telling the rest of us how we ought to live our lives because they're so much better than we are.

Keep in mind also that their vote is equal to yours, well at least until the other personalities trapped inside start voting as well. 

[USA4ME]

Hey hunter primitive, if you ever go temporarily insane, don't shoot somebody like a lot of people do. Instead, try to get some weeding done in the garden, because I bet you'd really be surprised.

 

.

[FunkyZero]

https://www.democraticunderground.com/11517292

It's a touchy thing that my internal rules tell me "don't do that" when it comes to mentally ill people and poking fun at them.
The issue is that with dummies, I'd be doing well to bet they are making the whole thing up for drama.
Maybe I'm wrong and I'll go to hell for it, but based on the way they behave all around, it doesn't seem like too much of a stretch really...

[SVPete]

Star Member hunter (26,588 posts)

Been about a year since I was locked away with my fellow mentally ill people for a few days...
...
I'm not sure how I learned to build personal safety nets for myself, or why any sane person would ever volunteer for such, but here I am. I persist.

In DU you are back with your "fellow mentally ill people". They may commiserate, but I would not try to build a "safety net" among DU-folk. If you cross their ideological party line in the slightest, they'll be dumping on you and mocking you. That's what they are.

[franksolich]

I grow tired of them bragging to each other how they are helpless to govern their own emotions but the next day they will be back to telling the rest of us how we ought to live our lives because they're so much better than we are.

Yeah. 

The hunting primitive by the way is a near-twin to the now-famous retrowire primitive.

[BattleHymn]

It's a touchy thing that my internal rules tell me "don't do that" when it comes to mentally ill people and poking fun at them.
The issue is that with dummies, I'd be doing well to bet they are making the whole thing up for drama.
Maybe I'm wrong and I'll go to hell for it, but based on the way they behave all around, it doesn't seem like too much of a stretch really...

I'm with you, friend. 

But trust me, most of them will tell you it's the WEEEEEEEpublicans fault, Bush's fault, cis white male's fault, not enough welfare money on my welfare check's fault, etc.

Plus, if you're going to post your dirty laundry on the interwebnets...

[BannedFromDU]

It's a touchy thing that my internal rules tell me "don't do that" when it comes to mentally ill people and poking fun at them.
The issue is that with dummies, I'd be doing well to bet they are making the whole thing up for drama.
Maybe I'm wrong and I'll go to hell for it, but based on the way they behave all around, it doesn't seem like too much of a stretch really...

     You're not poling fun at THEM. You're pointing out that a group of lunatics who can barely keep their backsides clean propose to know what's best for all of us. There are thousands of mentally ill folk who are just trying to get through life, and they're the ones you don't want to ridicule. The ones who need to be locked up on Monday but think they have the solution to world hunger on Tuesday are the ones I don't mind calling out.

[freedumb2003b]

It's a touchy thing that my internal rules tell me "don't do that" when it comes to mentally ill people and poking fun at them.
The issue is that with dummies, I'd be doing well to bet they are making the whole thing up for drama.
Maybe I'm wrong and I'll go to hell for it, but based on the way they behave all around, it doesn't seem like too much of a stretch really...

It is a variation of virtue signalling -- Hypochondriac Munchhausen Syndrome.  Some of the longest threads have been "what psycho meds do you take?"  They are proud of their insanity and dependence on chemical support since it somehow translates into how giving they are -- instead of the reality of how taking they are.

Yes they are lying.  Remember, dummies lie all the time. Even when they don't have to.

[Old n Grumpy]

If they have split personalities do they get to vote twice?

[Ptarmigan]

DU is the crazy house. 

[freedumb2003b]

If they have split personalities do they get to vote twice?

Yes but the other personality has to vote exactly the opposite as the first.

[SVPete]

If they have split personalities do they get to vote twice?

Why would they thus limit themselves?

[freedumb2003b]

Why would they thus limit themselves?

Because they are

a) Nuckin Futz!
b) stupid
c) Nuckin Futz!

[I_B_Perky]

I grow tired of them bragging to each other how they are helpless to govern their own emotions but the next day they will be back to telling the rest of us how we ought to live our lives because they're so much better than we are.

Excellent point, Sarge!!!!!!  H5!!!!  They can't even run their own lives and these egotistical asswipes think they can tell us how to run ours? 

Yo dummies? I may not be the smartest guy but I can manage to do the following:

1. Feed myself
2. Clothe myself
3. House myself
4. Get medical care when I need it
5. Fund my own dependable transportation

All without any government intervention at all and you dummies can't.  And I am stupid? And I am the one voting against my best interests?