Memorial Day is always a hard time for me. It just brings back memories which are sometimes good and often times bad. Some of them are not even related to my time in the Army, but are the cause and effect of serving almost 30 years in uniform. People always want to know two things: Was it worth it and what was it like.
Those questions are very difficult to answer. In all ways I am who I am because of those years. I am quiet and withdrawn, very much a loner. I rarely smile. I find it hard to trust other people. I fight depression. I don't like being in large crowds or loud noises. yet with all that, I am one of the fortunate veterans without many health issues, either physically or mentally. I gave it everything I had and in the end it took everything from me. I can't honestly tell you I would do it all again... but I probably would... even knowing the price.
As for what it was like... It was both the greatest thing and the absolute worse thing that could ever happen to you. I find I can't explain it... you really have to experience it.
I good friend of mine wrote book about his experiences in Iraq and wrote a little bit about me. He sent it to me to read and asked if I was ok with what he wrote. It was spot on. In it I come off pretty crazy. Really- looking back on the time there I really was. You had to be just to get by. I think he understood that in the end.
And that is what it was like.
