Author Topic: 2015: the William Rivers Pitt award, the "Willie"  (Read 17676 times)

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Offline franksolich

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2015: the William Rivers Pitt award, the "Willie"
« on: December 29, 2015, 03:02:01 PM »
Congratulations! to the winner of the “Willie,” the William Rivers Pitt award given the most-memorable primitive.

This category includes all primitives who were on Skins’s island from its emergence from the seas January 20, 2001, to the present day; not just this past year.

Past winners were:

2014 DainBramaged
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php?topic,99945.0
2013 undergroundpanther
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,93426.0
2012 Alan Grayson 
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,81951.0
2011 nadinbrzezinski 
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,68141.0
2010 BouncyBall (tie) 
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,53140.0
2010 William Pitt (tie) 
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,53140.0
2009 TomInTib 
http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,38060.0

- - - - - - - - - -

There were three contenders for the award—it’s a one-time deal only, remember—were the late Chief S itting Bull, the bird-smacking stoned red-faced primitive “Redstone,” the perpetually-high “Taverner” primitive, and the big guy from Bellevue, “Omaha Steve.”


Alas, Chief S itting Bull, who’s been nominated and voted upon the past several years—in fact, since the invention of the “Willie”—didn’t make the cut again, even though the late Redstone’s one of the finest examples of DUmmiedom ever to be on Skins’s island.  One assumes he failed again because he’s rather ancient history now, having died by his own hand several years ago.

And the drug-addled Taverner failed again, on his second run for the award.  He was tossed off Skins’s island a couple of years ago, and while many remember him fondly, he just never became as popular as the winner of this year’s award.

- - - - - - - - - -

It’s possible the big guy from Bellevue, Omaha Steve, won by garnering a substantial sympathy vote from decent and civilized people; after all, he’s terminal, and being people of good will, one wishes him to win at least something, anything, before he springs loose of this mortal coil.

The big guy’s memorable for a lot of things, but most of all for his campaign in May 2012, during the primary selection for the Bellevue City Council.  He was a little slow in getting up his platform, and friends of his, concerned he might be too late, put one up for him, written by his own hand and spaken by his own mouth.

Right now, the big guy’s been making much hay about the fact that he’s “terminal”—a condition that, apparently unknown to him, is universal to each and every member of the human race.  I mean, from the very moment of emergence from the womb, we all start dying, each day of our lives nightly pitching our tent one day’s march nearer the mausoleum.

- - - - - - - - - -

What I, personally, always found most trying about the big guy—besides that he makes the rest of we Nebraskans look bad—is his bull-headed insistence that he’s bright, when in fact he’s not.

How wise the man who understands his limitations.

And there’s, for another example, his propensity to charge full steam ahead on something, assuming he knows all he needs to know, and to Hell with what anybody else—especially franksolich—thinks.

The guy’s a train wreck hurtling down the tracks rushing headlong into this and into that, and still he keeps going.  He makes his fellow primitive Atman look a paragon of self-control. 

And then there’s his habit of alleging something has happened, when in fact nothing’s happened at all, and he’s merely hoping it will happen…..and it will happen if he wishes hard enough.

- - - - - - - - - -

And there’s the way he treats his long-suffering wife, poor dear Marta.

In case one’s not aware, the big guy and poor dear Marta have been married more than forty years, during which time Marta steadfastly labored to bring home the bacon, while the big guy spent more energy and hopes looking for a free ride on the disability gravy-train, than in working.  On good week, he might’ve brought home a 99-cent package of fried pork rinds.

Upon becoming eligible to draw a city pension generously provided by the hard-pressed taxpayers of Omaha, rather than selecting the plan most beneficial to poor dear Marta, he greedily grabbed at the plan that pays the most in the shortest length of time, meaning that after the big guy terminalizes, his widow will be left…..nothing at all.

That’s Steve, always thinking of himself, first and only, and nobody else.

- - - - - - - - - -

A couple of years ago, franksolich, concerned for the longevity of two primitives in particular, the obese big guy in Bellevue and the hefty LynneSin primitive, suggested they both embark upon a special diet, to rid themselves of surplus gross poundage.

The act of dining upon celery consumes more calories than the calories in the celery itself, and so I suggested they both go on a 100%-celery diet in which, no matter how much they ate, they’d inevitably lose weight.  So long as it was just celery.

The big guy, never mindful of franksolich’s advice and counsel, has consistently gained weight.

The LynneSin primitive, mirabile dictu, miracle of miracles, actually paid attention to franksolich, and is currently slim and svelte and wasp-waisted. 

Really.  I kid you not.

Alas, the big guy’ll never learn.  franksolich has his best interests at heart.

next up, some time this week, the franksolich for 2015, given the primitive overlooked in the top DUmmies voting; a primitive who earned top DUmmiehood this past year, but didn't get it
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Offline Carl

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Re: 2015: the William Rivers Pitt award, the "Willie"
« Reply #1 on: December 29, 2015, 03:49:23 PM »
Deserving and only would have been better if he had won posthumously! 

Offline freedumb2003b

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Re: 2015: the William Rivers Pitt award, the "Willie"
« Reply #2 on: December 29, 2015, 04:56:47 PM »
I propose the "steve" for next year:  an award for the longest and oldest DUnizen.  He will win forever.

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Offline BattleHymn

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Re: 2015: the William Rivers Pitt award, the "Willie"
« Reply #3 on: December 29, 2015, 05:14:13 PM »
Congratulations, Steve!  You finally won something!   :cheersmate: :cheersmate: :rotf:

Offline I_B_Perky

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Re: 2015: the William Rivers Pitt award, the "Willie"
« Reply #4 on: December 29, 2015, 05:14:59 PM »
The big guy, who is dying, has finally at long last brought home a win!  Did it before he died too!  The big guy, who is dying, should rejoice in his victory.  The Willie is more than likely the only thing this particular dummie has ever won. And Frank, ever the kind gentleman, is probably the one that has mercifully delivered the coup de grace to the big guy's miserable existence. Now the Big Guy can finally shuffle off this Earthly existence secure in the knowledge that he is no longer a complete life long loser.   

Congrats Big Guy!  You can rest in peace knowing that you will forever more be known as a winner.  Special thanks to Frank for his benevolence to the soon to be worm food dummie.  I am sure you will make his passing much easier now that he has at long last accomplished something in his miserable life.   :cheersmate:
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Offline BattleHymn

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Re: 2015: the William Rivers Pitt award, the "Willie"
« Reply #5 on: December 29, 2015, 05:22:06 PM »
Congrats Big Guy!  You can rest in peace knowing that you will forever more be known as a winner.  Special thanks to Frank for his benevolence to the soon to be worm food dummie.  I am sure you will make his passing much easier now that he has at long last accomplished something in his miserable life.   :cheersmate:

There is a part of me that hopes this win will keep him clinging to life a little longer, so as to entertain good and decent people. 

The other part of me wants to see Omaha relieved of all of the excess lard that Steve's immense husk adds to their city.

Unlike Steve's life, Steve's death will be huge.  He is so fat that his death will singlehandedly drop Nebraska's obesity rate from 30% down to  9%. 

Offline I_B_Perky

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Re: 2015: the William Rivers Pitt award, the "Willie"
« Reply #6 on: December 29, 2015, 05:42:17 PM »
There is a part of me that hopes this win will keep him clinging to life a little longer, so as to entertain good and decent people. 

The other part of me wants to see Omaha relieved of all of the excess lard that Steve's immense husk adds to their city.

Unlike Steve's life, Steve's death will be huge.  He is so fat that his death will singlehandedly drop Nebraska's obesity rate from 30% down to  9%.

Probably raise the IQ level too.  He has to be dragging it down at least 10 points!   :lmao:
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Offline Skul

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Re: 2015: the William Rivers Pitt award, the "Willie"
« Reply #7 on: December 29, 2015, 07:10:41 PM »
Personally, me, myself and eye, wish the moisting neck-beard a long life.
I want that sobbing stinkbug to suffer for his socialist ways.
Then-Chief Justice John Marshall observed, “Between a balanced republic and a democracy, the difference is like that between order and chaos.”

John Adams warned in a letter, “Remember democracy never lasts long. It soon wastes, exhausts, and murders itself. There never was a democracy yet, that did not commit suicide.”

Offline BattleHymn

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Re: 2015: the William Rivers Pitt award, the "Willie"
« Reply #8 on: December 29, 2015, 07:14:39 PM »
Personally, me, myself and eye, wish the moisting neck-beard a long life.
I want that sobbing stinkbug to suffer for his socialist ways.

 :lmao:

Offline Tess Anderson

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Re: 2015: the William Rivers Pitt award, the "Willie"
« Reply #9 on: December 30, 2015, 05:24:59 PM »
Well, I voted for Redstone but I thought Steve would win all along.  He's not a bad choice and at least Steve is still alive and has outlived Redstone already.

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It has been over four years but he won't be forgotten.

Offline franksolich

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Re: 2015: the William Rivers Pitt award, the "Willie"
« Reply #10 on: December 30, 2015, 05:53:37 PM »
Well, I voted for Redstone but I thought Steve would win all along.  He's not a bad choice and at least Steve is still alive and has outlived Redstone already.

https://www.facebook.com/colin.r.goff

It has been over four years but he won't be forgotten.

I used to, repeatedly, ask Chief S itting Bull a particular question, but alas he left this time and place before bothering to answer me.

As you know, he was afflicted with some degenerative neuro-muscular condition, and it really bothered him, because he'd been so active most of his life.

Chief S itting Bull was notorious for his violent outbursts, his rage, his hate, his anger, and it got worse and worse as time wound on.

I was always curious how he thought being perpetually pissed off at the world and everyone in it would help him adjust to his situation.
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Offline franksolich

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Re: 2015: the William Rivers Pitt award, the "Willie"
« Reply #11 on: December 31, 2015, 06:40:44 AM »
There is a part of me that hopes this win will keep him clinging to life a little longer, so as to entertain good and decent people......

I'm rather more concerned for the long-suffering poor dear Marta, though.

Her days, like his, are numbered--although of course one hopes she has a much larger inventory of them--and every day that the big guy so selfishly clings to life costs her a day too, shortening the time she'd have to enjoy a second marriage.

If the big guy truly loved his wife, he'd hurry up and end it all, so all the sooner she could start enjoying life.
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Offline Big Dog

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Re: 2015: the William Rivers Pitt award, the "Willie"
« Reply #12 on: December 31, 2015, 08:40:14 AM »
I'm rather more concerned for the long-suffering poor dear Marta, though.

Her days, like his, are numbered--although of course one hopes she has a much larger inventory of them--and every day that the big guy so selfishly clings to life costs her a day too, shortening the time she'd have to enjoy a second marriage.

If the big guy truly loved his wife, he'd hurry up and end it all, so all the sooner she could start enjoying life.

The Bawling Buffalo of Bellevue tried to kill himself once. As wih everything else in Steve's life, the Willie notwithstanding, it ended in failure.

He drove down to Plattsmouth, where the Platte River flows into the Missouri. He walked down the boat ramp to throw himself into the turbulent waters of the Muddy Mo. But, alas, he tripped over his own two feet (a step too far for the Master Nemesis, by the way) and fell into the shallow water of the Platte's outflow.

A group of Boy Scouts saw him, mistook him for a beached whale (the first in Nebraska), and tried to roll him into deeper water. His flailing and screaming as they pulled at his neckbeard, trying to drag him down the ramp, attracted the attention of the Game and Parks Commission officer; who stopped the ever-helpful lads before they could succeed in returning Steve to the wild- and polluting the city water supplies of St. Joseph, Kansas City, Columbia, and St. Louis.

Steve returned to his palatial manse and never spoke of it again; but the Boy Scouts of Troop 61 still tell the tale of the bearded whale.
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Offline franksolich

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Re: 2015: the William Rivers Pitt award, the "Willie"
« Reply #13 on: December 31, 2015, 09:14:01 AM »
The Bawling Buffalo of Bellevue tried to kill himself once. As wih everything else in Steve's life, the Willie notwithstanding, it ended in failure.

Man, beautiful, just beautiful.  That's a beautiful piece of literary art.

By the way, Happy New Year!
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Offline BattleHymn

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Re: 2015: the William Rivers Pitt award, the "Willie"
« Reply #14 on: December 31, 2015, 10:26:24 AM »
The Bawling Buffalo of Bellevue tried to kill himself once.

Well, we know it wasn't an attempt to do it by starvation, that's for sure.

Offline BlueStateSaint

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Re: 2015: the William Rivers Pitt award, the "Willie"
« Reply #15 on: December 31, 2015, 10:29:17 AM »
The Bawling Buffalo of Bellevue tried to kill himself once. As wih everything else in Steve's life, the Willie notwithstanding, it ended in failure.

He drove down to Plattsmouth, where the Platte River flows into the Missouri. He walked down the boat ramp to throw himself into the turbulent waters of the Muddy Mo. But, alas, he tripped over his own two feet (a step too far for the Master Nemesis, by the way) and fell into the shallow water of the Platte's outflow.

A group of Boy Scouts saw him, mistook him for a beached whale (the first in Nebraska), and tried to roll him into deeper water. His flailing and screaming as they pulled at his neckbeard, trying to drag him down the ramp, attracted the attention of the Game and Parks Commission officer; who stopped the ever-helpful lads before they could succeed in returning Steve to the wild- and polluting the city water supplies of St. Joseph, Kansas City, Columbia, and St. Louis.

Steve returned to his palatial manse and never spoke of it again; but the Boy Scouts of Troop 61 still tell the tale of the bearded whale.

:clap: :bow: :clap: :bow: :clap: :bow: :clap: :bow: :clap: :bow:

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Offline SVPete

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Re: 2015: the William Rivers Pitt award, the "Willie"
« Reply #16 on: December 31, 2015, 11:44:17 AM »
... As you know, he was afflicted with some degenerative neuro-muscular condition, and it really bothered him, because he'd been so active most of his life.

Chief S itting Bull was notorious for his violent outbursts, his rage, his hate, his anger, and it got worse and worse as time wound on.

I was always curious how he thought being perpetually pissed off at the world and everyone in it would help him adjust to his situation.

Sounds rather like a certain DU-Denizen of Colorado.
If, as anti-Covid-vaxxers claim, https://www.poynter.org/fact-checking/2021/robert-f-kennedy-jr-said-the-covid-19-vaccine-is-the-deadliest-vaccine-ever-made-thats-not-true/ , https://gospelnewsnetwork.org/2021/11/23/covid-shots-are-the-deadliest-vaccines-in-medical-history/ , The Vaccine is deadly, where in the US have Pfizer and Moderna hidden the millions of bodies of those who died of "vaccine injury"? Is reality a Big Pharma Shill?

Millions now living should have died. Anti-Covid-Vaxxer ghouls hardest hit.

Offline franksolich

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Re: 2015: the William Rivers Pitt award, the "Willie"
« Reply #17 on: December 31, 2015, 11:58:40 AM »
Sounds rather like a certain DU-Denizen of Colorado.

Yeah, him too.

And there's Ms. Hindenberg, the defrocked warped primitive "Warpy," who supposes that by being bitter and angry and hate-filled, it'll ameliorate her misery and wretchedness from her monstrous ugliness.
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Offline Big Dog

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Re: 2015: the William Rivers Pitt award, the "Willie"
« Reply #18 on: December 31, 2015, 02:45:50 PM »
Man, beautiful, just beautiful.  That's a beautiful piece of literary art.

By the way, Happy New Year!

Thank you, and Happy New Year to you!
Government is the negation of liberty.
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CAVE FVROREM PATIENTIS.

Offline delilahmused

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Re: 2015: the William Rivers Pitt award, the "Willie"
« Reply #19 on: January 01, 2016, 12:37:04 AM »
Guys,

An the one who's supposed t research top 10. Still doing it (love this shit) but waylayed. Really messed up xmas. Car accident. Bruiseed rib, concussion, sprained wristed. Pisses me off. Got a glock 43 forxmas and haven't even shot it yet. But  everyone else is doing what they volunteered to do. Pretty sure it was a jDUmmie that hit us since it was near Hoodoo and the idit was wearing shorts. He walked away. His passenger went to hospital. Son & I are ok. Never had an accident' in my life til now.

cindie
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Offline Big Dog

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Re: 2015: the William Rivers Pitt award, the "Willie"
« Reply #20 on: January 01, 2016, 11:44:41 AM »
Guys,

An the one who's supposed t research top 10. Still doing it (love this shit) but waylayed. Really messed up xmas. Car accident. Bruiseed rib, concussion, sprained wristed. Pisses me off. Got a glock 43 forxmas and haven't even shot it yet. But  everyone else is doing what they volunteered to do. Pretty sure it was a jDUmmie that hit us since it was near Hoodoo and the idit was wearing shorts. He walked away. His passenger went to hospital. Son & I are ok. Never had an accident' in my life til now.

cindie

Cindie,

Best wishes for a quick and complete recovery.
Government is the negation of liberty.
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CAVE FVROREM PATIENTIS.

Offline obumazombie

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Re: 2015: the William Rivers Pitt award, the "Willie"
« Reply #21 on: January 01, 2016, 08:49:32 PM »
^Ditto what my good friend Big Dog said !
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